"They see me boatin'... they hatin'..."

Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations (Travel) — Anyone who read Bourdain’s Kitchen Confidential knows that he hates vegetarianism, but in tonight’s episode he eats several meat-free meals in Kerala, India. I went to an Indian restaurant called Saravana Bhavan this past weekend — not one of those places with tandoori chicken and chicken tikka masala, but a place with a line of Indian people waiting to get in. I didn’t recognize anything on the menu, so I just ordered a combination plate of some sort. Everything was spicy and exotic and delicious (unlike your mom), and it wasn’t until after I’d finished that I realized that the entire restaurant was vegetarian. Then I found five dollars.

The Bachelorette (ABC) — The “men tell all” special. Almost everything tonight sucks; that’s why I went on and on about Indian food.

You’re Cut Off (VH1) — Season finale. Spoiled princesses have to prove to their parents that they’ve changed their selfish, shallow ways.

The Real Housewives of New Jersey (Bravo) — I’m ready for this chapter of American pop culture history to end.

The Good Guys (Fox) — Dan goes undercover. I think I incorrectly wrote a week or two ago that this show was on CBS. What I meant was, “I don’t care.”

Top Gear (BBC America) — Season 5 premiere. Oh, would you look at that? Something that isn’t completely devoid of intellectual value. The Porsche 911 Carrera S stars in this episode.