Site News: Stand By
08.18.10
'Survivor': a great way to lose pounds before a show
You’ll have to get TV news from somewhere else for a couple of hours. I have to go into Manhattan to interview Jimmy Johnson, Super Bowl-winning coach, Fox NFL commentator, and — beginning this fall — “Survivor” contestant. How he balances all that with his NASCAR career, I have no idea.
Yes, I plan to ask him about the time Michael Irvin stabbed a teammate in the neck with scissors. Got any other suggestions? Leave ‘em in the comments.
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Ask him for a reacharound.
He’s obvious got the G and the T under control, but what about the L?
Ask how much he sold his dignity for to do those Ex-tenze dick pill commercials.
I wouldn’t ask Jimmy if Troy Aikman is gay, but how gay he is. Preferably on a scale from 1 to Hugh Jackman.
Is he upset his middle name isn’t “Peter” or “Dick” for the penis-related name trifecta?
Ask him if he slept with that sideline reporter from the aforementioned dick pill commercial, because she really obviously wanted his only-kept-alive-through-science junk.
Don’t ask him anything. Just show him the picture you made of the bear grilling. If he laughs, proceed. If he looks confused, it was never meant to be.
Ask him which is more embarassing:
1) Being in an Extenze commercial.
2) Being famous for being a football coach yet throwing a football like a little girl who’s using the wrong hand in said Extenze commercial.
I’ll await his answer.
Ask him if he has accepted the lord jesus christ as his savior.
Ask him if having to spend half his life in showers with 6’6″ naked black guys has had any affect on his career choices.
Who will maintain the coif while he’s Survivor-ing?
Ask him if the rug counts as his one luxury item.
Jimmy wasn’t the coach of the Cowboys at the time of Mike’s scissor activity. Switzer was.
Movin’ on up to the bigtime I see! Ask him what celebrity ass his Super Bowl Ring smells like.
Ask what its like to bang a stewardess on the 50-yard line of Texas Stadium.
Was ExtenZe his one luxury item he could take with on the island and could he start a fire with his own stick?
Dude, you HAVE to ask him about his dick pill commercials. Does he have a drug addiction? Why does he need money so bad?
How much coke on average did Michael Irvin snort off hookers asses on the way to the games???
Ask him if the reason he takes dick pills is because of all the cocaine he did/does.