There are huge swaths of the Internet where I dare not tread, places where the people are so stupid that I’m amazed they can feed themselves, much less operate a computing device. MySpace. YouTube comments. Pro football message boards. But no breed of Internet retard is as perverse as the people who write fan fiction, the re-purposing of established TV/film/sci-fi characters for amateur writing that reveals the author’s sick fetishes (often) and poor command of grammar (always).

That’s what makes Landline‘s new web series, Fan Fiction Theatre, particularly delightful. They take the worst fan fiction scripts and have actors perform them. In the video below, the “Law & Order: SVU” crew ignore the serial rapist on the loose and get straight to what everybody REALLY wants: Detectives Benson and Stabler getting drunk and screwing. Aw, yeah! Finally, someone understands my desires as a viewer.