Modern Family (ABC) — A couple days ago, pictures of the cast in costume for the Halloween episode were posted online. Julie Bowen is one hot-ass zombie. Don’t tell me you wouldn’t have sex with that reanimated corpse. Or, you know, depending on the freshness… I’m not going to finish that thought.
South Park (Comedy Central) — Season premiere. This really deserves top billing today, but I had the Julie Bowen and Sofia Vergara pictures sitting open in Photoshop for the last two days, and if I didn’t use them now I was going to forget about them. Anyway, as “South Park” kicks off its 14th season, it’s nice to see an animated series stay sharp and relevant beyond its ninth year.
Harry Loves Lisa (TV Land) — Series premiere. Reality series starring Lisa Rinna and Harry Hamlin, making it the perfect show for people who watched soap operas 20 years ago.
The Whole Truth (ABC) — Perhaps you noticed the banner ads taking over the screen? Anyway, Rob Morrow stars in his first series with a short-haired brunette since “Northern Exposure.” Ah who can forget Janine Turner? Cute beauty mark, big pear-shaped ass.
Mythbusters (Discovery) — Season premiere. One of tonight’s myths that gets busted is a scene from Speed. SHOOT THE HOSTAGE!
Ugly Americans (Comedy Central) — Season premiere. I caught an episode of this last year, and I thought it was okay. Not I-should-DVR-this good, but okay.
Dog: The Bounty Hunter / Steven Seagal: Lawman (A&E) — Season premieres. A&E: The #1 cable channel for watching fat old jokes pretending to serve justice. P.S. If you missed this GIF on FilmDrunk the other day, re-live its glory now:
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.wg.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/05/HOUSE-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.wg.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/05/Amy_Pond_Motovational_Poster_by_warmcanofcoke-150x150.jpg)
Judging by what she looks like in a bikini
[warmingglow.uproxx.com]
No. I wouldn’t.
eh, south park has always been horrendously hit-or-miss. When it’s good, it’s really good, regardless of the season. The cycle time b/t idea, animation, and airing is the show’s ace-in-hole. Simpsons could skewer entire institutions and some pop culture, but not as quickly as South Park can.
Thanks for the heads up on South Park Matt, I owe you again. Just got home with Skoal and sunflower seeds, I use the MLB playoffs as an excuse to dip every year, and throw broken baseball bats at chubby gay guys
You should see what Seagal does to orphans.
Wait, wait, wait. I thought Seagal got fired from the sheriff’s office & A&E for that whole forcing girls to have sex with him thing. Or is he just…Above The Law.
/that hurt even me, but I couldn’t help myself
@Smello: a lot of people don’t know this, but Seagal was actually a pretty decent baseball player, and had a brief career as a rightfielder for the Atlanta Braves until he pulled a hamstring and had to sit OUT FOR [a young rookie named David] JUSTICE.
so are we gonna finally get to see mohammed or what?
ArghHappy loogoutArgh!
I enjoyed that zack
but more importantly, WATCH TERRIERS, MOTHERFUCKERS’
i dont want it to get cancelled but its numbers blow butt
They tried to cancel his show, but anything with Seagal is HARD TO KILL.
@TimWasTim – so his show has been Under Siege from the critics?
Sofia Vergara and her ethnic boobies receive well deserved attention. But Julie Bowen is criminally underrated, in fact she gives me a Fire Down Below.
(which is easily treated with a topical ointment)
@ PaleHose – Not only the show. His entire career has been Under Siege Too.
can’t we just have sex with both?
@ILPHAPH – Or maybe the network had him Marked For Death?
A&E doesn’t have the authority to cancel Lawman. Canceling Segal would be an Executive Decision.
“songs from the crystal cave”…This dude has a discography on wiki…@RoboCop’s Dick: YES! Everyone watch Terriers…I got a bad feeling they are teetering on the edge of cancellation…I tried to find this on Google, but where does Dog the Bounty Hunter get his clothes? I’m afraid, but I think they may be custom, I mean seriously there can’t possibly be a market for those shirts…Here’s another Dog question, do you think when he goes out to a restaurant or grocery shopping he dresses the same as on the show? I thought about this and couldn’t stop laughing imagining him walking into a restaurant with his getup on.
While I was looking through the Segal filmography – trying to find a title suitable to work into a joke like everyone else – I found that Segal had a role as “Cock Puncher” in The Onion Movie. TMYK.
Anyway, what’s with the little girl at the end of the gif? She has shark’s eyes. Creepy.
My girlfriend looks a little bit like Charlize Theron and a lot like Dog the Bounty Hunter.
—–Zach Galifianakis
I prefer Zach’s original wording: My girlfriend looks a little bit like Charlize Theron and a lot like Patrick Ewing.