It turns out that if you arrange all of the McBain clips from old episodes of “The Simpsons,” they form a cohesive four-minute excerpt from an action film in which the titular hero “hunts corrupt drug kingpin Senator Mendoza and tries to exact revenge for his murdered partner while battling red tape at police headquarters” (video below).  If you don’t laugh at this, you are a homosexual.  Maybe you are all homosexuals!

Of course, questions remain.  How did McBain survive the salmon puff?  Was he saved by the previously unseen guerrilla?  Where can I get some swank?

I could see the current Simpsons writing team struggling to pull something like this off today, getting about two and a half minutes into the storyline before giving up, because there’s no place to shoe-horn in an appearance from Carey Mulligan or Greyson Chance or whatever the hell is popular today.  It’s the oldest possible “Things White People Like” talking point, but The Simpsons was the best thing ever when it was too smart for its audience and crammed full of stuff nobody cared about or noticed.