Ladies and gentlemen of the Internet, I present to you the most disgusting, repulsive local news story I’ve ever been exposed to. A man became FUSED TO HIS CHAIR because he didn’t get up FOR TWO YEARS. Even though he was caked in urine, feces, and MAGGOTS, his housemates didn’t call government officials until the man was unresponsive.

As you read the blockquote below, go ahead and play our favorite game: FLORIDA OR OHIO? From WTRF:

Police said the man’s skin had become attached to the fabric of the chair after he sat in it for two years. Authorities said he was sitting in his own feces and urine and maggots were visible.

Police were called in to help transfer the man to the hospital. Authorities said they had to cut a hole in the wall to get the man out of his home.

Shockingly, two other able-bodied people lived there—another man, who had a separate bedroom, and the girlfriend of the man who was stuck in the chair. Officials say the girlfriend served food to him, since he never got up.

“Honey, come to bed.” “No thanks, I’m good in the chair.”

One officer said it was the worst thing he ever responded to. And most said the worst part of all was the smell.

Yeah, I’d imagine a human being rotting alive and fused to a chair with feces isn’t the sort of thing you can beat with Febreze. Watch video of the news report below, plus the exciting answer to FLORIDA OR OHIO?

Answer: OHIO! Although really, this is one had Ohio written all over it. The Midwest just owns the fat/lazy angle.

On the following page, there’s a follow-up report from WTRF that you’ll want to watch. Apparently the man fused to his chair is fighting for his life. Although I use the word “fighting” very loosely. I’d wager the doctors are doing most the work.