The Good Morning Burger
As seen on: “The Simpsons”

“We take eighteen ounces of sizzling ground beef and soak it in rich creamery butter. Then we top it off with bacon, ham, and a fried egg. We call it the Good Morning Burger.”

What you’ll need: 18 ounces of beef, bacon, ham, butter, hamburger bun, eggs. Cooking instructions from the editor:

1. Eighteen ounces is a LOT of hamburger. Go with low heat and give it plenty of time. Oh, and cook it in bacon grease. Homer would want it that way.

2. Once the burger looks about halfway done, start cooking the bacon. THICK-CUT, bitches.
3. Fry the eggs in the grease from the bacon pan. Again, this is what Homer would want.
4. Put everything on the bun.
5. Eat. Feel manly.

It’s impossible to properly cook over a pound of cow and not have the inside gush blood like the elevator in The Shining without slightly burning the exterior. That’s where the butter came in handy; its juiciness made up for the burger’s crispiness. The egg and beef went together extremely well (those Texans are really on to something), and the bacon and ham topping made for a wonderful meat tornado. The slab of bovine and swine between the buns was gigantic, so the burger (which looked like the chemically-enhanced Mondo Burgers from Good Burger) was split in half, with Adam and Matt sharing one half and Nadia and I the other. It tasted great, and for the few minutes it took us to eat the thing, the only real words coming from our mouths were, “Oh man, that’s good.” Food porn at its best.

[Editor's note: I would have happily eaten the entire thing.]