Mad Men (AMC, Sunday) – On this week’s episode, Sally Draper burns hundreds of ants to death with a magnifying glass while laughing maniacally, then goes inside and drowns a cat in the bathtub. Probably.

Game of Thrones/Veep/Girls (HBO, Sunday) – I don’t watch any of these shows live, but I’ve got to believe — for those who do — the transition in style from “Game of Thrones” to “Veep” to “Girls” is jarring as hell. Like trying to drink coffee right after brushing your teeth.

Neal Brennan: The Half Hour (Comedy Central, Friday) – Neal Brennan, co-creator of “Chappelle’s Show” and all-around funny guy, has his first stand-up special airing tonight at 11:30 p.m. I strongly recommend you watch.

Fairly Legal/Common Law (USA, Friday) – I said this on Twitter (shameless plug), but at some point in the past few months, I became a person who DVRs “Fairly Legal” every Friday night and watches it Saturday morning, even though I am still not caught up on “Breaking Bad.” I’m not exactly sure how I feel about that.

Saturday Night Live (NBC, Saturday) – Season finale, hosted by Mick Jagger. This could be the last episode for Kristen Wiig, Andy Samberg, and Jason Sudeikis, so I imagine we’re looking at a glorified Best Of episode for the three. BRING BACK BLIZZARD MAN.

The Simpsons/Bob’s Burgers/Family Guy (FOX, Sunday) – Season finales, all around. Lady Gaga appears on “The Simpsons,” as discussed here.

Jesse Stone: Benefit of the Doubt (CBS, Sunday) – The latest in the series of CBS’s made-for-TV movies. These actually aren’t bad, for the record. But on a night where it’s up against so much other quality television, not even Tom Selleck’s luxurious mustache can get me to watch.

Sherlock (PBS, Sunday) – I have been furious with my parents ever since I found out that Benedict Cumberbatch was a thing you could name a baby. It makes my name look so boring by comparison. That’s why I’m naming my first son Stegosaurus Jones. No regrets, you know?

The Client List (Lifetime, Sunday) – This is probably the best show about handjobs currently on television.

Aziz Ansari: Dangerously Delicious/Hannibal Buress: Animal Furnace (Comedy Central, Sunday) – In addition to Neal Brennan’s special on Friday, Comedy Central is also airing these two specials back-to-back on Sunday night. Ansari’s is the one he released online a few months ago, and Buress’s is brand spanking new. Both dudes are hilarious, so these also come with a very strong recommendation. DVR them. You’ll thank me.

WHATEVER, JERK. I DIDN’T WANNA JOIN YOUR STUPID CLUB ANYWAY.

I’m gonna start my own club and it’s gonna be called “The Danger Guerrero Club for Awesome Dudes Who Like to Party and Not for Stupid Dogs with Stupid Jerk Faces Who Have Stupid Jerk Clubhouses in the Woods.” It’s gonna be 50 … no, 100 … no, ONE THOUSAND feet up in a tree, and there’s gonna be an elevator to get up to it and the elevator will be full of candy and Ken Griffey, Jr. is gonna be there every Saturday playing video games with the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on a giant TV and you can’t come in. EVER. Not even when we invite up all the super hot girls I know from camp to play Truth or Dare. You don’t know them because they go to a different school, but TRUST ME, they are HOT, and you’d never have a chance with them. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go buy 100 posters because my mom said I’m allowed to put up anything I want on the walls, even pictures of butts. What are you putting on the walls of your clubhouse? Oh, that’s right. YOU DON’T HAVE ANY WALLS BECAUSE YOUR CLUB IS STUPID. Have fun on your dumb bridge.

[runs off crying]

Banner image via, all others via Corgi Addict unless otherwise noted

Read the rest of this entry »

In case any of you were looking for proof that the world is still weird and terrible, there’s this: some very, very sick person has been sending horrifying threats via email to Dog the Bounty Hunter about killing and sexually assaulting him and his family. I am going to post the text of the threats, as reported by Radar Online, but I will warn you ahead of time, they are disturbing as all holy high Hell.

“I’m going to murder you. I’m going to come to Hawaii and murder you and your family in cold blood. You are next on my list and are the bane of society. I will deliver you to God.”

“I’m going to murder you and your family. I’m going to slaughter your family. I’m going to cut the fat t**s off your wife while I watch your children bleed. I want to see you cry, like you did everyday in prison. I want you to watch as your family gets massacred right in front of you Then I’m going to f**k you in the a** with your f****t indian beads.”

“Your children looked nice today. As previously stated, I have a rather nasty vendetta against you and your family. I know this goes through contacts; and they may be the bane to your saving. I encourage you to thank them after I have your family tied up and gagging. I can’t wait to rape your daughters. Feel them get blasted by my c*m. It will feel so great. The blood of the innocent gets me so hard. Bye Duane.”

A “rather nasty vendetta”? Sheesh. That’s a little like saying “the sun is kind of big and hot.” Anyway, the Radar Online story goes on to say that the FBI is investigating the matter, which is definitely a good thing. I’m glad they’re getting involved, because anyone sick enough to send these kinds of threats should be locked up under the watchful eye of about a dozen dudes in lab coats. I don’t want to make light of a serious, scary situation here, but the fact that the target of his violent fantasies is a D-list, quasi-reality show star whose fame peaked a few years ago is the scariest part of the whole thing to me. Not that making threats against a bigger celebrity would make it better, but, I mean, Dog the Bounty Hunter? This dude’s psychosis digs deep.

Image via Shutterstock

Well, this is it, fellow Human Beings. The third season of “Community” is coming to a close with a triple-dose of Greendale’s favorite study group (airing at 8, 9, and 9:30 EST), and I think it would be helpful to work through our feelings about it all by engaging in a rousing live discussion. So if any of you have things to say about this season, the finale, or ideas for next season (or if you just want creepily proposition Alison Brie like this guy), drop in and have at it starting at 7:30 Thursday night. NOTE: Any commenter who shares this post on Facebook or Twitter will receive this awesome anus badge. I mean, um, that sounded weird. But, still, the badge is pretty cool.

As an added bonus, we have some amazing guests joining us. First of all, “Community” star Jim Rash (Dean Pelton) will swinging by the discussion from 9-10 p.m. If you have any questions or comments for him, begin your comment with @JimRash and fire away. (I’m going to ask him 700 questions about the logistics of time hoodies.) Additionally, “Community” writer Steve Basilone will be dropping by from 7:30-8ish, and then again around 9:30. He co-wrote both the finale and this season’s “Regional Holiday Music,” so if you have any questions about any of that episode’s notable moments, he’s your man. This is shaping up to be really cool night around here, so I hope you’ll all join us.

Last October, I brought you the story of “Real World” alum John Devenanzio suing HBO and the creator of “Entourage” over their use of the name Johnny Bananas in a show-within-the-show starring Kevin Dillon’s character, Johnny Drama. I found the entire concept of someone from “The Real World” suing someone from “Entourage” over character issues to be hilarious from top to bottom. Well, I have two important updates about this groundbreaking case: 1) The case has been dismissed. 2) I still find the whole thing pretty hilarious.

In the lawsuit, Devenanzio charged HBO, parent Time Warner and Entourage creator Doug Ellin with featuring an “unwarranted, unauthorized and unfavorable mention of plaintiff’s name and personality and allusions to plaintiff’s physical and mental character.”

HBO responded by saying that Devenanzio had a “fundamental misunderstanding of the law governing publicity and privacy rights.” The network asserted that nicknames are not protected under New York law, that the plaintiff had failed to establish a connection between his identity and what he saw on the show and that the plaintiff’s lawsuit failed because the nickname wasn’t used in advertising and thus didn’t meet the “commercial” bar for such a claim.

Ultimately, though, Billings gave HBO a victory on a less sexy technicality. The episodes in question started airing on Aug. 15, 2010, and Devenanzio didn’t bring the claim until Oct. 3, 2011. The one-year statute of limitations window had closed, so the judge finds the lawsuit to be less “Johnny Bananas” and more “Johnny Rotten.” [The Hollywood Reporter]

What a bummer — both the way the lawsuit ended and that horrible, horrible joke at the end of the third paragraph of the blockquote. All of it has left me so unsatisfied. I mean, sure, win however you can win and get out cheap and fast and all that, but this trial had SO MUCH potential. They could filled the jury box with water and turned it into a hot tub. They could have called tons of bimbos and bros as witnesses. The cast of “The Real World” could have gotten in a fight with the cast of “Entourage” on the courthouse steps. The lawyers could have shouted things like “OBJECTION! THE WITNESS IS A DICK!” There could have been fist bumps galore and raging post-trial parties with beer pong and strippers and such. It would have been great.

My point here is that the second season of “Franklin & Bash” premieres Tuesday, June 5th at 10 p.m.