Tosh.0 (Comedy Central) — The closest thing left to “appointment viewing television” this summer (until “Mad Men” begins), Mr. Tosh gives the bi-polar and schizophrenic, “Looking for a Girlfriend Guy” a Web Redemption.   This young stud’s video overture kicks off with detailed information about his contact lenses, with a seamless transition into talking about his d*ck.  So what’s the problem?

Toddlers and Tiaras (TLC) — Appointment viewing television for pedophiles and psychotic mothers.

Mythbusters (Discovery) — Ugh, more duct-tape myths.  Mythbuster Kari Byron could probably pass for Christina Hendricks’ uglier, fatter sister.  Wait, she was just pregnant?  Well maybe not her fatter sister then. 

Man v. Food (Travel) — Host Adam Richman stops for Sushi in exotic…….. Salt Lake City, Utah.  Meh, give me “Man vs. Wild” any day.

Billy the Exterminator (A&E) — This show’s tagline should read, “Making ‘Dog the Bounty Hunter’ Appear Regal.”

Justin Bieber: My World (E!) — “Justin Bieber’s life and career are the focus.”  This has to be an hour long?  I mean how dare they take away precious airtime from “Kourtney and Khloe Derp Miami.”

Germany vs. Spain (Replay) (ESPN2) — I really think the Germans could have pulled out a win if they wore their throw-back uniforms.  You know, black shorts, khaki shirt, red arm band….

The Real World (MTV) — Apparently, one of the cast members ends up in hospital in this, the second episode of the 24th Season—so they seem to be right on track.  Pedro must be spinning in his grave.  This show needs more C.H.U.D’s!

After releasing a sex-tape with Sloth from The Goonies, the next logical step in the fame-whore bible for Kendra Wilkinson, star of E!’s uh, “Kendra,” was to put out a memoir.  Titled “Sliding Into Home,” the just released book chronicles her teenage battles with meth-addiction and trying to get Hugh Hefner’s penis erect.  Or in Kendra’s ghost-writer’s words:

Staring into his eyes, I didn’t see a man four times my age with ten times more girlfriends than most. Even though I hardly knew him yet, I saw a sweet man who made me feel really good about myself — a true gentleman. It was weird but in my heart, I felt like he was someone I could possibly trust.

Because if you can’t trust an 84-year-old pornographer, who can you trust, right?  The video of Kendra talking to Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb (which sounds delicious, BTW) on “The Today Show” is pretty unbearable, but you can view it here if you’re masochist.

However, for those of you who don’t let her fog-horn-like personality and retard-laugh distract you from her hotness,  I’ve embedded an old video of her demonstrating her signature stripper pole after the jump.

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I sent this breaking news piece to Matt a few months back, but he said something about rape not being funny.  Now that I’m manning the helm, I feel compelled to share this local news gaffe to prove that  small-market news teams can compete with the  high-levels of chicken f**king prowess that New York’s Ernie Anastos and the rest of the Fox 5 News Team consistently deliver.

Since nothing makes us Midwestern folks grab our lanterns and pitch-forks faster than a good old-fashioned serial rapist on the loose,  the local media was quick to exploit our fears in the form of a little “on the scene” reporting from Kansas City, NBC News affiliate reporter Larry Seward.

Annnnnd, cue fear mongering introduction, token interview with distressed, doe-eyed white girl, and finally the revealing police sketch that looks eerily similar to…. don’t just stand there camera guy, get him!

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