DIE.

You may know the procreation-crazed Duggar family from the repeated TLC specials that gave birth to their series, “18 Kids and Counting.”  Well, TLC, get ready to change the name of the show again, because 42-year-old matriarch Michelle is pregnant with baby #19 — just eight months after popping out the most recent sex trophy.

Michelle has now been pregnant 147 months of her life, with five more to go. That’s 12-plus years and counting. For those who are counting, the Duggars report that they have changed an estimated 90,000 diapers and do approximately 200 loads of laundry a month…

[Back story:] After Josh [their eldest] was born, Michelle went back on the pill. She got pregnant anyway and suffered a miscarriage, which her physician told them was probably caused by the pill. As conservative Christians, they decided after that to let God decide how many children they would have.

This kind of story is really hard for me to write, because I don’t want to sound like some godless liberal railing against well-meaning family-oriented Christians.  Because I’m not a godless liberal.  I very much look forward to having children and raising them with the proper values, et cetera.  On the other hand, HOLY F-CK GOD IS NOT AGAINST MODERN SCIENCE AND MEDICINE.  You can love God and have a family and go to church even after you’ve had a vasectomy, you know?  Or hell, two words: pull out.  I haven’t read the whole Bible, but I know for a fact that “Thou Shalt Not Blow Thy Wad on Thy Wife’s Face” is not a commandment.