So, the thing about TV news that breaks after 2 p.m. on a Friday: you’ll probably have to wait until Monday to read our reaction to it, even when it’s about “Community.” It’s a scheduling thing blah blah blah. So, to apologize for our tardiness, we’ve sorted through all the hundreds of masturbatory quotes and inane talking points from this year’s Television Critics Association (Fox and NBC so far, everything else forthcoming) to give you only the tidbits that matter. Also, to sweeten the deal, there’s a reactionary GIF for every item.

Also, quite possibly the least funny show on TV was canceled, so yay!

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“Dexter” has been on Showtime for six seasons now. That’s longer than the broadcast runs for “Friday Night Lights,” “The Wire,” “Deadwood,” “Twin Peaks,” “Six Feet Under,” and “Battlestar Galactica.” It’s been renewed for two more after this one, which will leap frog it over “The Sopranos,” “Mad Men,” and “The Shield.” Just say that out loud: Eight. Seasons. Of. “Dexter.” And if the next two are anything like the formulaic-to-a-fault one that mercifully finishes on Sunday, may God have mercy on us all. The two Big Bads (a term that means the main villain in a single season) this year, played by Colin Hanks and Edward James Olmos, have been the main problem. Why? Well, read on, as they’re one of the nine worst single-season villains in TV history.

(Spoiler alert, obviously.)

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Believe me, I was just as surprised as you to learn that Zachary Quinto of “Heroes” and “24″ (and of course Spock from the Star Trek reboot) came out of the closet. I don’t have a problem with it; I just didn’t see that…

…coming?

Last month, Kiefer Sutherland confirmed that the “24″ movie will be released in theaters in 2012. And now Hollywood super-producer Brian Grazer (inset) has announced that he’s on board to produce the film.

“Got off the phone Keifer yesterday and we are very excited about producing the 24 movie for next year,” he tweeted.

Grazer’s involvement makes sense since Imagine Entertainment, the company he co-owns with Ron Howard, produced the long running action drama for Fox. [Inside TV]

So I guess quoting tweets has become so commonplace that media outlets no longer use sic to point out glaring word omissions and typos, huh? Oh well, I guess I should get off the good grammar ship before it syncs to the bottom of the ocean. From here on out, I’ll be unphased by my misuse of homophones.

ANYWAY, the “24″ movie. Always nice to see a powerful guy like Brian Glazer involved. That guy looks like such a straight shooter. So calm and collected. I bet he’s never even seen cocaine.

Recently, DirecTV began airing episodes of “Damages” with subtitles that help explain background information viewers might not know if they missed previous episodes of the complex legal drama.

The on-screen subtitles function as a primer of sorts, appearing every few minutes to flesh out a twisty plot turn or reveal a character’s sinister motives…

“It’s a way to say to viewers, ‘It’s not too late to get involved in this show,’” said Paul Guyardo, DirecTV’s chief marketing officer. “And it might keep new viewers from throwing in the towel if they can watch episodes that give them extra background and context.” [LA Times]

As cable networks and scripted series fight harder to retain viewers, it’s likely that these expository subtitles will become widely available across all cable platforms. In a Warming Glow EXCLUSIVE, the following pages reveal how those subtitles will look for some of TV’s most popular shows.

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