Tomorrow is September 2nd, 2010. Or 9/2/10. Or, if you like extraneous zeros, 9/02/10. And that collection of numbers is enough for people to stick their heads up their asses to get a good, deep whiff of ’90s nostalgia by celebrating “90210 Day.” (Wake me up when it’s 3/14/15. I love a good Pi Day!)

Foremost among the offenders is ESPN columnist Bill Simmons, who is taking a break from making references to Teen Wolf and Karate Kid in order to devote an entire podcast to “90210″ with fantasy sports “expert” and world-class pig Matthew Berry. Simmons tweeted:

Preparing for the 9-02-10 podcast with Berry. You know what’s shocking? None of David Silver’s horrendous music is online except “Precious.”

Ugh. I understand that tons of people out there love Simmons, but this really, really, really isn’t necessary. You know, just because you were in college when the show was on doesn’t make it interesting. The ’90s blew, and there’s nothing to say about “90210″ that hasn’t already been said. Let me save you an hour of your time: Gabrielle Carteris was way too old to be a high school student. Ian Ziering married a Playboy model. Luke Perry was in Buffy the Vampire Slayer with Paul Reubens. Tori Spelling is and always has been ugly. Color Me Badd sang at the Peach Pit. Ryan Seacrest played Ryan Seacrest before he was Ryan Seacrest. Blah blah blah, sideburns, Kelly got raped.

One of my favorite things on the Internet is the epic feud that happened between FilmDrunk and the simple-minded owners of a Neverending Story-themed van. It’s the first thing I thought of when I saw this “Beverly Hills, 90210″-themed trailer that’s supposedly in Prague. You know, I’ve always heard that Prague’s a beautiful city, and now I know it’s true.

There’s nothing that I don’t love about the artwork here: the tunes coming out of Brandon’s boombox, the paint peeling from Dylan’s head, the pre-op tranny look of Donna — it’s all so delightful. I’d love to take a tour of the inside — I’ve always wanted to see jars of human organs.

Teddy, the character on “90210″ played by Trevor Donovan, will come out as gay on the series this fall. Unapologetic twit Michael Ausiello originally framed this development as an exclusive blind item (never mind that a blind item isn’t really an exclusive if you’re not revealing actual news), and now he’s calling it a spoiler alert.

Now, I don’t care about gay characters on TV, and I especially don’t care about “90210,” but I wanted to disclose all that information in the headline because I can’t f*cking stand it when people feel the need to stamp SPOILER! on a pretty mundane development.

Try to think about the actual world instead of TV for a moment. Think back to high school and any closeted friends you might have had. EVERYONE knew that the gay kids were gay before the gay kids did. Later on, they were all, “I have a confession: I’m gay!” And everyone else was like, “Duh. It’s been pretty obvious since sixth grade.” So for this to happen on a TV show about high school kids shouldn’t be a huge surprise to the other characters or anyone else with a frontal lobe. “Wait, the pretty boy with a waxed chest is gay?!? Aw, you’ve ruined the whole season for me!”

Get out your wanking motions, everybody: “Entourage” “star” Adrian Grenier will appear on an episode of “90210″ next season with his band The Honey Brothers.

The Entourage star pops up on the CW drama in a musical context. His real-life “new wave folk” band, The Honey Brothers (in which he plays drums), performs at an over-the-top 18th birthday party for Naomi (AnnaLynne McCord), who tosses a flirtatious quip in Grenier’s direction. [EW]

Oh man, this is going to be just like that time Rooney was on “The O.C.”! Except, you know, with a worse band on a worse show watched by fewer people.

As an aside, “The O.C.” makes me think of the show’s theme song, “California” by Phantom Planet, who originally had Jason Schwartzman as a drummer before he quit to focus on acting. And as much as I don’t like Schwartzman, he’s infinitely better than Grenier. At acting. At drumming. At being furry.

Previously: Adrian Grenier Plays the Recorder

Read the rest of this entry »

Image credit: TimelyGayJokes.com

Hollywood heavyweights Luke Perry (Buffy the Vampire Slayer) and Jason Priestley (“Love Monkey,” “Tru Calling”) will combine their talents to make an original film for Hallmark Movie Channel called Goodnight for Justice. Perry will star and executive produce, while Priestley will direct.

The Western is based on an idea by Perry who I hear envisioned it as a series of 3 movies. Set in the American Old West, it centers on John Goodnight (Perry) a circuit judge on a quest to catch the outlaw who killed his family. [Deadline]

A lawman seeking revenge? Pretty novel concept for a Western. Strangely enough, Priestley directed a 1995 episode of “90210″ called “The Real McCoy,” in which…

Hypnotic regression leads Dylan to a past life where he is Billy McCoy, a gun-slinging outlaw in the Wild West, until he meets an upper-class woman (in the form of Kelly) to redeem his outlaw ways. [IMDb]

Let that also be a reminder — for any of you who like to be nostalgic about old shows — that anything beyond the first three or four seasons of “90210″ sucked out loud. But you have to wonder: did past-life Kelly also lose her virginity by getting raped? It was the Old West, so I’d assume yes.