“Bosom Buddies” debuted in 1980, and survived only two seasons on network TV — before cable made it hard for network TV shows — largely due to the charm of Tom Hanks, who is merely one of the most talented actors of his generation.

Now, more than 30 years later, ABC will air another men-in-drag comedy called “Work It.” There’s a promo embedded below, and it’s the intellectual equivalent of ABC executives collectively spitting in your face. Three decades ago, I could maybe believe that two guys would dress as women to live in a female-only residence. In 2011, the premise is that two down-on-their-luck men cross-dress in order to get jobs that go to women:

With unemployment an ongoing issue and women now outnumbering men in the workforce, the new comedy series “Work It” follows two alpha males who realize the only way to beat the current “mancession” and land a job in pharmaceutical sales is to pass themselves off as women. [ABC]

Their embarrassingly poor drag acts not only fool people with (presumably) eyes and common sense, but apparently also land them the jobs ahead of ACTUAL women. Watch the preview and marvel at how stupid ABC thinks you are.

It’s so nice to know that ABC shelved “Cougar Town” in order to air this.

Danger Guerrero emailed me about the embedded video below: “This is a clip from ABC news last night featuring researchers and scientists in China putting on huge panda costumes to go interact with baby pandas. I don’t think it needs more context than that.”

He’s right, too — this is best enjoyed at face value. It was DEFINITELY worth ABC’s money to send a news crew to the other side of the planet for a two-minute story with a reporter in a panda suit. Alert the Pulitzer committee.

I know it’s been on your mind. It’s been keeping you up at night, filling your sweaty dreams with worry: would “Bachelorette” Ali Fedotowsky and fiancé Roberto Martinez follow through with a wedding? Or would their love end in disillusion and sadness like 19 of the 20 previous pairings that “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” had created? If only a publicist could tell us in a way that completely insults our collective intellect. Ah, here we are:

“Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez have ended their relationship,” the couple’s rep tells PEOPLE. “As they go through this difficult time, we ask that you respect the couple’s privacy.”

I’ve seen a lot of stupid crap from stupid publicists, but this might be a new low. “These people competed on a reality TV show in order to be paired as mates. Please respect their privacy, which they so obviously cherish.”

By the way, the updated success rate for “Bachelor/ette” winners is now 1-for-21 (Trista Rehn and Ryan Sutter are the only married couple; couple #22 — Ashley and J.P. from “The Bachelorette” — are still together for the moment). That’s a success rate of 4.7%. At this point, completely random selection would be as effective at producing an actual marriage, and yet WOMEN CANNOT STOP WATCHING THIS SHOW. If men had any sense at all, we’d all be gay and let the human race become extinct.

Just days after NBC pulled “Community” from its midseason schedule, ABC did the same thing to “Cougar Town,” “Community’s” six seasons and a movie spiritual counterpart. ABC has already bumped “Cougar Town” from a fall launch to midseason, so to push it even further back in order to air dreck like “Last Man Standing” and cross-dressing sitcom “Work It” is like… well, it’s like bumping “Community” from the schedule but keeping “Whitney.” According to Deadline, ”Cougar Town’s” season order has been reduced from 22 episodes to 15, and it will reportedly debut in March after “Work It” completes its run.

Another victim in ABC’s puzzling dedication to “men have the mental dexterity of infants”-themed comedies: “Don’t Trust the Bitch in Apt. 23,” starring Krysten Ritter as the bitch and James Van Der Beek as an exaggerated version of himself. It’s smart and edgy, and it was by far and away the funniest pilot of the year, unless you count the ill-fated “Wonder Woman” as a comedy. But hey, at least we got the full 13-episode order of “Man Up.” Thanks, ABC.

Recently, BuzzFeed featured a video in which a couple recreated the opening credits to one of the seasons of “Full House.” I’ve embedded it below, just so you can see just how lame it is when two people spend their vacation in one of the best cities in America remaking a terrible sitcom’s credits.

On the other side of the coin are the lovable scamps from The Basketball Jones, who also re-made the “Full House” credits (above), but somehow did it in a way that was both funnier and more accurate. I enjoyed it, and I say this as someone who never hated a TV show until he watched “Full House.” Seriously, until “Full House” arrived, I was just a dumb kid who kind of liked everything on TV. Danny Tanner and Uncle Joey taught me how to hate. Even today, just thinking about Dave Coulier saying, “Cut. It. Out!” makes me want to stab him in the neck with scissors.

Twilight star Ashley Greene will make a three-episode stint on ABC’s “Pan Am,” which is excellent news if you like looking at Ashley Greene but can’t tolerate the thought of watching a Twilight movie.

She’ll play a debutante with a past connection to Ted (Michael Mosley). She’ll appear in the episode titled “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang” that’ll air Dec. 4. [EW]

I’d like to say that I’m excited about this, but I’ve honestly never seen Greene in anything but still pictures before, often without clothes on. Is she even an actress? Does she actually speak? Never mind, I don’t care. Shhhhh. Shh. Let’s not ruin this words, baby.

There was an attempted robbery of a credit union, and the local news found a local bystander who witnessed the unsuccessful getaway. The eyewitness is wearing a coonskin cap and references both “Dukes of Hazzard” and a NASCAR driver. So which is it: FLORIDA OR OHIO?

The answer: Panama City, Florida. I think that’s fitting for this edition, because the Florida panhandle is totally the Ohio of Florida.

It's perfectly cromulent headwear.

[reddit]

So far, “Pan Am’s” biggest contribution to the TV landscape has been providing hacky writers with an excuse to use airplane metaphors while discussing the show’s ratings. After debuting with a solid 10.8 million viewers, the ratings have gone into a nosedive, and the show’s in danger of being grounded, thus canceling future flights. But ABC isn’t going to let the show crash on autopilot; it’s hired “Lost” producer Steven Maeda to get “Pan Am” out of its tailspin before it crashes into the World Trade Center and sparks a decade-long war on terror that includes a poorly executed and unnecessary invasion and occupation of Iraq. Okay, maybe that last one is a little bit of a stretch.

Maeda, whose credits include Lie to Me and Lost, will serve as showrunner and EP, joining creator and EP Jack Orman and director/executive producer Tommy Schlamme behind the scenes of the Christina Ricci drama about the mysterious lives of the airline’s pilots and stewardess.  ABC has yet to make a decision on whether or not the pricey drama will receive a back-nine order…

Behind the scenes, the studio and network are making an extra push of late in promoting the series, which has continued to shed viewership. [THR]

Part of the reason ABC doesn’t want to drop the series is because it spent an extravagant $10 million to get it made, and according to one source I have on the show (I have sources!), a lot of that cost comes from filming in New York instead of Los Angeles. Apparently, it can get costly to make Brooklyn streets look like markets in Rangoon (or wherever), when it would be way cheaper to use a set on a Hollywood lot. TV executives are crazy smart.

I don’t know why, but I absolutely love Halloween episodes. I’m not even that big of a Halloween person — I still don’t have my costume yet. But there’s something about a TV show using its budget on awesome costumes and telling a Halloween story that will inevitably be more interesting and funny than my own Halloween (I’m going as Bill Lumbergh this year, mostly so I can drink whiskey from a mug all night).

ANYWAY. “Happy Endings” awesomely put its Halloween episode online two days early — WITH NO COMMERCIALS! It’s a great episode, and I’ve embedded it below. Max is hilarious in a baby costume (I guarantee you’ll laugh at the baby arms), Elisha Cuthbert dresses as a sexy Marilyn Monroe, and Damon Wayans Jr and the other blonde chick carry a strong B-story in the suburbs. (Cuthbert, in particular, should be getting some credit for her work as Alex this season. I thought her character was a little weak in Season 1, but she’s displayed some great comedic chops in the last couple of episodes.)

ALSO INCLUDED: a sneak peek at this week’s “Community.” Britta discovers that someone in the study group has homicidal tendencies. Man, I’m way more excited about this week than I have any right to be. It may have something to do with women who are professionally good-looking wearing sexy costumes.

[via THR and AV Club]

“Once Upon a Time” has some of the stupidest, clunkiest dialogue I’ve heard this fall season, but that didn’t stop 12.8 million people with vaginas from watching ABC’s adaptation of fairy tales last night.

ABC’s fairytale drama Once Upon A Time got off to a great start last night, pulling in a 3.9 rating/10 share among adults 18-49 and 12.8 million viewers against NFL football on NBC and the World Series on Fox. This is ABC’s highest-rated new series premiere this fall and the season’s No. 1 drama debut in 18-49 on any network. [Deadline]

Ah, there we go! My eyelid twitch is back. I’d almost gone through half a day of TV news without it showing up. I thought something was wrong there, the way my blood pressure was low and I wasn’t craving a drink before five o’clock. Glad to see everything’s back to normal.