Danger Guerrero emailed me about the embedded video below: “This is a clip from ABC news last night featuring researchers and scientists in China putting on huge panda costumes to go interact with baby pandas. I don’t think it needs more context than that.”

He’s right, too — this is best enjoyed at face value. It was DEFINITELY worth ABC’s money to send a news crew to the other side of the planet for a two-minute story with a reporter in a panda suit. Alert the Pulitzer committee.

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I know it’s been on your mind. It’s been keeping you up at night, filling your sweaty dreams with worry: would “Bachelorette” Ali Fedotowsky and fiancé Roberto Martinez follow through with a wedding? Or would their love end in disillusion and sadness like 19 of the 20 previous pairings that “The Bachelor” and “The Bachelorette” had created? If only a publicist could tell us in a way that completely insults our collective intellect. Ah, here we are:

“Ali Fedotowsky and Roberto Martinez have ended their relationship,” the couple’s rep tells PEOPLE. “As they go through this difficult time, we ask that you respect the couple’s privacy.”

I’ve seen a lot of stupid crap from stupid publicists, but this might be a new low. “These people competed on a reality TV show in order to be paired as mates. Please respect their privacy, which they so obviously cherish.”

By the way, the updated success rate for “Bachelor/ette” winners is now 1-for-21 (Trista Rehn and Ryan Sutter are the only married couple; couple #22 — Ashley and J.P. from “The Bachelorette” — are still together for the moment). That’s a success rate of 4.7%. At this point, completely random selection would be as effective at producing an actual marriage, and yet WOMEN CANNOT STOP WATCHING THIS SHOW. If men had any sense at all, we’d all be gay and let the human race become extinct.

Just days after NBC pulled “Community” from its midseason schedule, ABC did the same thing to “Cougar Town,” “Community’s” six seasons and a movie spiritual counterpart. ABC has already bumped “Cougar Town” from a fall launch to midseason, so to push it even further back in order to air dreck like “Last Man Standing” and cross-dressing sitcom “Work It” is like… well, it’s like bumping “Community” from the schedule but keeping “Whitney.” According to Deadline, ”Cougar Town’s” season order has been reduced from 22 episodes to 15, and it will reportedly debut in March after “Work It” completes its run.

Another victim in ABC’s puzzling dedication to “men have the mental dexterity of infants”-themed comedies: “Don’t Trust the Bitch in Apt. 23,” starring Krysten Ritter as the bitch and James Van Der Beek as an exaggerated version of himself. It’s smart and edgy, and it was by far and away the funniest pilot of the year, unless you count the ill-fated “Wonder Woman” as a comedy. But hey, at least we got the full 13-episode order of “Man Up.” Thanks, ABC.

Recently, BuzzFeed featured a video in which a couple recreated the opening credits to one of the seasons of “Full House.” I’ve embedded it below, just so you can see just how lame it is when two people spend their vacation in one of the best cities in America remaking a terrible sitcom’s credits.

On the other side of the coin are the lovable scamps from The Basketball Jones, who also re-made the “Full House” credits (above), but somehow did it in a way that was both funnier and more accurate. I enjoyed it, and I say this as someone who never hated a TV show until he watched “Full House.” Seriously, until “Full House” arrived, I was just a dumb kid who kind of liked everything on TV. Danny Tanner and Uncle Joey taught me how to hate. Even today, just thinking about Dave Coulier saying, “Cut. It. Out!” makes me want to stab him in the neck with scissors.

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Twilight star Ashley Greene will make a three-episode stint on ABC’s “Pan Am,” which is excellent news if you like looking at Ashley Greene but can’t tolerate the thought of watching a Twilight movie.

She’ll play a debutante with a past connection to Ted (Michael Mosley). She’ll appear in the episode titled “Kiss Kiss Bang Bang” that’ll air Dec. 4. [EW]

I’d like to say that I’m excited about this, but I’ve honestly never seen Greene in anything but still pictures before, often without clothes on. Is she even an actress? Does she actually speak? Never mind, I don’t care. Shhhhh. Shh. Let’s not ruin this words, baby.