This Volkswagen Super Bowl commercial is all over the place today. But, as the Internet’s premiere destination for dog-related television content, I feel it’s very important to post it here anyway. After all, we have an image to maintain.

The spot continues the Star Wars theme from last year, and features a bunch of adorable pooches barking along to the film’s score. It’s pretty much the perfect commercial. The only way it could be improved — and I’m really splitting hairs here — is if they were barking a smooth R&B jam from the 90s instead, and my precious Blue Shirt Guy shimmied his way across the screen at the end. I love that guy. If Volkswagen had included him in this ad, I probably would have just mailed them a check. Not to pay for anything, just as a donation. After all, it’s important to support the arts.

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There isn’t much going on in the television world this morning, which is nice because it gives me the opportunity to briefly discuss something near and dear to my heart: this commercial. I’ll be honest, I didn’t know who or what Jackson Hewitt was as recently as two weeks ago. My best guess would have been that it was the name of a linebacker from some small college in the midwest who was rising up draft boards after a strong performance in a bowl game. Then one day, while I was watching a crappy movie or food show (probably), I heard the intro to “This Is How We Do It” by Montell Jordan and was immediately captivated. There’s so much to love: the exuberant dancing and flabby slo-mo arms of the main character (Steve), the awesome high-five at the 0:13 mark, the white lady doing the sprinkler, ALL OF IT. It is 30 seconds of pure joy.

As great as the song selection and Steve’s dancing are, though, neither are the reason this is the best commercial on television. The honor goes to the guy in the blue shirt at the 0:19 mark. He shimmies across the screen making a duck face and pointing at the camera, and, in the process, he steals my heart. I bet I’ve watched his four second chunk of the commercial 50 times over the past couple days. Easy. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable when I say that MTV should reboot “The Grind” with him as the host. He’s a goddamn star.

So kudos to you, Jackson Hewitt. I’m still not exactly sure what it is you do because I’m too delighted by all the dancing to pay attention, but more companies should take your lead and feature people dancing to 90s R&B hits. I’d love to see what Blue Shirt Guy could do with “Motownphilly.”

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As most regular followers of this blog know, I was in the boring ol’ Marine Corps before I decided to join the ELITE RANKS of full-time bloggers. And today, November 10th, marks the 236th birthday of my beloved Corps, the world’s ONLY elite fighting force to be founded in a bar (Tun Tavern, Philadelphia).

I went to Officer Candidates School in the summer of 1999, and when I returned to campus for my senior year — faster and stronger and more confident than I’d ever been — everyone jokingly asked me what it was like to fight the lava monster (“It’s not half as scary as the sergeant instructors, ha ha ha”). Marine Corps ads have always been striking and memorable in their badassery, but my favorite was always the one on the chess board set to Orff’s “Carmina Burana” (below). I saw that as a kid and I was like, “WHOA.” The rousing music, the bass in the announcer’s voice, the war on a giant chess board in a lightning storm — I didn’t even know what the Marines did, but I knew they meant business.

That business, of course, is kicking in the teeth of America’s enemies for the last 236 years. I’ve never been prouder than when I earned the right to wear the Eagle, Globe, and Anchor. Semper Fi and happy birthday, Marines.

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This new Müller yogurt ad airing in the U.K. is pretty straightforward. First, K.I.T.T. from “Knight Rider” gets a parking ticket. Then the milk truck transforms into a robot and changes the traffic cop into Yogi Bear. Then a chariot pulled by electric unicorns arrives, flinging giant pieces of fruit at a city full of drab office workers, who of course become Mr. Men and Little Miss cartoons. Muttley — the laughing dog from Hanna-Barbera cartoons — flies an airplane at a wrecking ball to turn it into birds, and then giant yogurt hands gather up the clouds and make them a rainbow.

Like I said, pretty straightforward. It’s the perfect commercial if you happened to drop acid this morning.

[via @drewmagary]

I’ve spent all morning trying to figure out a way to write about Argentina’s “Dancing With the Stars” routine in which a woman got completely naked and had wine poured all over her breasts and my God it was amazing I’ve had lap dances that weren’t as sexy, but there’s just no way to do it. So I’ll give you the next best thing: Gisele in a series of Brazilian lingerie ads. She says that women should wear sexy lingerie to deliver bad news. I’ve taken that message to heart by writing this apologetic blog post in my underwear.

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