I’ve spent all morning trying to figure out a way to write about Argentina’s “Dancing With the Stars” routine in which a woman got completely naked and had wine poured all over her breasts and my God it was amazing I’ve had lap dances that weren’t as sexy, but there’s just no way to do it. So I’ll give you the next best thing: Gisele in a series of Brazilian lingerie ads. She says that women should wear sexy lingerie to deliver bad news. I’ve taken that message to heart by writing this apologetic blog post in my underwear.

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I’ve had a complete abortion of a day, thanks to Time Warner Cable’s large-scale, company-wide policy of f*cking its customers in the ass. For the last two hours, I’ve either been on hold or yelling at someone as the twitch in my eyelid became more and more pronounced. The only laugh I’ve gotten is from this commercial for Ojai Valley Taxidermy. There are so many brilliant, flatly-delivered lines here:

• “I specialize in the most lifelike dead animals anywhere.”
• “Look at that antelope driving a car.”
• “Did that rhino just order a drink?”

I’ve also picked up other things on subsequent viewings, like how the animal soundboard gets used regardless of what animal is being shown (an eagle screeches while a pheasant is shown; an elephant trumpets during a cut to a rhino). This stupid commercial just saved me from having an aneurysm.

(via Sad and Useless, thanks Burnsy!)

(via)

When I realized that the tenth anniversary of 9/11 would fall on a Sunday, I was relieved for wholly selfish reasons: I wouldn’t have to spend a workday worried about whether my lighthearted business of joking about TV was inappropriate. I was prepared to let the day pass without any kind of reflection, as there are countless other outlets that have already done it in more expansive and meaningful ways (such as New York Magazine’s Encyclopedia of 9/11 and Esquire’s Surviving the Fall).

Then I saw the State Farm 9/11 tribute in which kids sing “Empire State of Mind” to a bunch of New York firefighters (video below), and I almost cried because I’m apparently a 50-year-old housewife from Duluth. I should probably stop blogging and just bake you all some cookies.

So yeah, 9/11 gets a post. Along with the State Farm video below, I’ve included a couple more photos and links to poignant stuff or cultural ephemera that caught my eye.

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This week in Awesome But Also Kind of Terrible Ideas: “Boardwalk Empire” is advertising its second season by rolling out vintage subway cars in New York City. The train cars date back to 1917 and are running on a section of the 2/3 (Times Square to 96th Street) during weekends in September. Gothamist says:

Starting on Saturday, September 3rd an authentic vintage 1920’s train will run on the express 2/3 track in Manhattan throughout September (specifically, from 12 to 6 p.m. on Saturdays and Sundays). Originally operated by the Interborough Rapid Transit (IRT) system, the train began service back in 1917 and will once again be operational. Customers who have the opportunity to ride the vintage train will be transported back in time to the Prohibition era with authentic details such as rattan seats, ceiling fans and drop sash windows, as well as a custom branded interior featuring Boardwalk Empire-inspired period artwork.

Ah, to be transported back to the 1920s. Rattan seats! Drop sashes! Fewer safety features! No air conditioning! Thanks, but I’ll wait for a car with modern amenities like plastic seats and new hobos.

(More pictures below, by Scott Beale for Laughing Squid)

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“Boardwalk Empire” star Paz de la Huerta is infamous — or awesome, depending on your viewpoint — for getting wasted and accidentally revealing her T & A to paparazzi. That makes her the perfect model for the new ad campaign for Agent Provocateur (video next page), which features her flashing expensive lingerie as she exits cars and arrives at parties. (For those of you who are new to the lingerie game, Agent Provocateur is like Victoria’s Secret if Victoria’s Secret used its budget for supermodels and Michael Bay commercials to actually design quality lingerie.)

Hold on. Wait. *places index finger to ear* I’ve just received word that some readers are unable to watch video at work, and thus are unable to witness the sexy, mentally imbalanced Latina woman model expensive lacy underwear. Therefore, against my wishes to keep this a tame and family-friendly website, I’ve included a gallery of images from the campaign. But JUST THIS ONCE. I’m sorry, I don’t like it any better than you do. I’m just trying to be fair.

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