A&E has greenlit seven episodes of “Bob Saget’s Strange Days,” an hour-long series in which Saget will engage the odder fringes of American society.
The quirky travelogue will place Saget with groups that include biker gangs, Amish teenagers, mail-order brides and survivalist cults.
Series, announced to be in the pilot stage at the May upfronts, is positioned as a self-immersion extension of Saget’s standup act that riffs on offbeat people and their lifestyles while ultimately trying to illuminate what drives their emotions and behavior. [Variety]
It’s easy to dislike Saget, since it’s human nature to want everyone involved in “Full House” to die a fiery death. But the guy is actually a sharp and funny comic, with a penchant for filth that puts my porn collection to shame. If you’ve never seen his turn in The Aristocrats, please watch the video below.
TMZ is reporting that David Hasselhoff is close to finalizing a deal for a reality show about the Hoff and his two daughters. A similar show called “Meet the Hasselhoffs” already aired in the UK (video above), and you know it’s good because it begins with Hasselhoff saying:
I think people realize that I’m a human being, and that I make the same mistakes that they do.
Oh yes. I make all the same mistakes as Hasselhoff. Who can forget my video for “Hooked on a Feeling”? Or that time I got wasted and my daughter filmed me shirtless and eating a hamburger? Or that time I got drunk, wet the bed, and punched an emergency room doctor? Or the time I took my teenage daughter to an erotic boutique to apologize for being drunk? Or the other four times I got hospitalized for alcohol poisoning? Yes, David Hasselhoff is just like me. Except way drunker. And that’s no easy feat.
Just as TLC is the go-to channel to watch dwarves and terrible parents, A&E highlights people with problems. And I don’t mean problems like you and I have problems. Not “Oh crap, I had to take a pay cut” or “my girlfriend broke up with me” problems. I mean PROBLEMS. Get me some italics and boldface PROBLEMS. I mean “This lady on ‘Obsessed’ scrubs her rectum out with a toothbrush for two hours in the shower every time she takes a dump” kind of problems.
But even the crazies on “Obsessed” may have been eclipsed by last night’s episode of “Hoarders.” I didn’t catch the episode myself, but I was alerted by this tweet this morning:
Never have close-ups and zoom-ins on piles of dog hair been more poignant than on this episode of Hoarders. Oh, the dead cats are sad, too.
Yup, Jake is a 21-year-old who hoards garbage and feels like if he throws out the hair his dog sheds then he’s killing his dog. And Shirley — ohhhh, Shirley. Shirley and her husband estimate that they have somewhere between 20 and two dozen animals in their house, but it’s impossible to count them all because of the MOUNTAINS OF FILTH AND CAT SKELETONS in which they live.
Twenty years, forty pounds, and 500 hair plugs ago
A reality television production company is suing A&E and Steven Seagal, claiming that they first approached Seagal with the possibility of doing a reality show and that the new show “Steven Seagal: Lawman” (AKA The Greatest Show Ever Made) was their idea.
“Seagal did not agree to sign anything in writing,” reads the suit, “but said that his handshake is his bond and that ‘we have a deal.’”
Oh man, someone’s never seen Jerry Maguire.
According to the suit, the producers initially pitched ideas to cable networks titled “Steven Seagal’s Sidekick” and “Kung Pow,” both of which featured wannabe action stars competing to become the actor’s protege.
A&E was interested in working with the actor, but wanted an idea that was more based in reality rather than something so clearly contrived. Plaintiffs claimed they proposed following Seagal’s real-life work as a New Orleans deputy sheriff and that A&E loved the idea. [THR]
I don’t know about their claims. Steven Seagal is a good man, he wouldn’t do anything dishonest or in his own best self-interest. Like when it was Steven Seagal Day at Planet Hollywood, and the clamoring masses couldn’t get into the chain restaurant because it was snowed in. Steven Seagal donned his Native American-themed jacket, channeled the ancient spirits of the snow plow, and cleared that walkway in no time. And this is only tangentially related, but his spirit animal is a circus bear.
OH MY GOD. Must. Stay. Calm. Steven Seagal will star in a new A&E reality series that chronicles his actual service in the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office in Louisiana. Really. Honest. I swear to God. This is not a joke. From the press release:
Until now, Seagal has never sought publicity for his work with the Jefferson Parish Sheriff’s Office. However, over a span of almost two decades, he has regularly gone out on patrol and worked major cases. The series will allow fans to ride shotgun with Seagal as he and his hand-selected elite team of deputies respond to crimes-in-progress. [nola.com]
There are no words for this joy. I want to go up to strangers on the street and give them hugs. Because this reflects the simple genius of someone saying, “I like ‘Cops,’ but I’d like it better if Steven Seagal were one of the cops.”
“Obsessed” is a new reality show on A&E where people with anxiety disorders confront their obsessive-compulsive tendencies. It’s kind of like “Intervention,” except there’s no “Surprise! Everyone you know wants you to stop this behavior” aspect to it.
In this clip, Scott, a man who wants to conquer his OCD so that he and his boyfriend can move in together and have a normal life, faces his paralyzing fear of… vaginal secretions? To do this, Dr. Shana has supposedly changed her tampon and touched one of Scott’s towels, which leads to one of the coolest exchanges I’ve ever heard on reality TV:
Dr. Shana: What’s on your face?
Scott: Vaginal secretions, vaginal blood, endometriosis, fibroid juice…
HAWT! You know, I never realized that fibroids had juice. Hey look, it’s lunch time! Who wants peaches?
[Videogum]
