The only reason I even still do these “Saturday Night Live” recaps is because people need a place to gather and talk about surviving the unfunny experience, kind of like AA. Why on Earth Charles Barkley hosted I’ll never know — maybe NBC wanted extra incentive for the sports fans to stay tuned in after the Eagles-Cowboys Wild Card game? Anyway, the writing on for Saturday’s show was better than usual, but if I can borrow his speech pattern for a moment, Charle Barley wad turrible. Juh turrible.

It was a performance hypnotic in its awfulness. Barkley delivered his lines in an oddly soothing monotone, often a beat or two late, looked off into the wrong camera more than once, gazed intently at his cue cards and appeared on the verge of giggles throughout. [A.V. Club]

And how ’bout that Alicia Keys? Listen, as someone who lives in New York, I’m required by state law to love “Empire State of Mind (Part II) Broken Down.” But I’ve got a real problem with one of the lyrics, when she calls New York City a “concrete jungle where dreams are made of.” That makes no sense. It’s either a concrete jungle where dreams are made, or a concrete jungle that dreams are made of.

So which is it, Alicia? Is it a concrete jungle constructed of dreams? Or isit a concrete jungle where people dream and make their dreams come true? YOU CAN’T HAVE IT BOTH WAYS. Man, I haven’t been this mad about musical grammar since Paul McCartney sang about the “world in which we live in” in “Live and Let Die.” You only need ONE preposition, jerk!

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Alicia Keys was on “The Colbert Report” last night to promote her new album, and it was top-to-bottom excellent television. Not only did she capably match wits with Colbert during her interview (and look so, so, SO hot doing it), but she then played “Empire State of Mind,” and Colbert — who lamented the lack of shout-outs to the suburbs in the song — filled in on Jay-Z’s verse, changing the lyrics to fit his own New York story about moving from the Upper East Side to a gated community in Connecticut. It was really, truly AWESOME.

As good as Colbert is as a fake pundit, I always like him best when he takes on the broader role of entertainer-at-large. In fact, I’m going to go ahead and put my vote in for an Alicia Keys/Steven Colbert variety show. I’d watch the sh-t out of that. They could do it unscripted and it’d still be better than Jay Leno.

(Video of the interview and performance below.) Read the rest of this entry »