When “America’s Got Talent” judge Piers Morgan announced he was leaving the show to focus on his CNN gig, the biggest question on everyone’s mind was why there aren’t more babies with awesome names like Touchdown or Bazooka. Another question some people asked was who would replace Morgan at the judges table. Well, we have an answer to the latter. From NBC’s press release:

NBC announced today that Howard Stern, American radio personality, television host and author, will serve as the new judge on the top-rated summer alternative series “America’s Got Talent,” produced by FremantleMedia North America and Simon Cowell’s SYCO Television.

Stern will provide his feedback on the colorful array of hopeful future stars who are currently auditioning in major cities around the country for the show’s upcoming seventh season.

Production of the live shows of “America’s Got Talent” also will be moving to New York, where Stern will continue to helm his SiriusXM radio program.

I know Stern is a talented broadcaster, and he’ll definitely bring a dynamic quality to the show that had been absent, but he never really did it for me. Just not my style. On the other hand, a talent competition featuring Howard Stern is about 5000% more likely to produce newsworthy content than one featuring Piers Morgan, and if that means I have something to post about besides the dipsh-t parades on E! and Bravo, then great. And, who knows, maybe he’ll make fun of host Nick Cannon. I’m always in support of that.

I guess my biggest complaint is that the producers completely ignored the list of five potential replacements that I sent them. Admittedly, the list was written in crayon and just said “1) Ghostface Killah. 2-5) N/A,” but I think I made some valid points.

This is my favorite picture of Nick Cannon.

America’s Got Talent (NBC) – In tonight’s episode, the judges pick twelve previously eliminated acts to return and perform. Look here NBC, if I wanted to sit around and watch a bunch of losers, I’d put on a Mets game. BOOM. Take that, downtrodden fanbase!

Combat Hospital (CBS) – A few weeks ago, the inimitable Gourmet Spud said on Twitter that this show would be better if it was called “Wombat Hospital.” Concur, Spud. Concur.

Little League World Series (ESPN) – You know those kids who are like 4’7″, 65 lbs, wear those ridiculous helmets with the protective cages on the front, and just shake like a scared chihuahua in the batter’s box? Those are my dudes.

MasterChef (FOX) – Season finale. I know I’m just the fill-in/guest editor, but I do try to keep a pretty close watch on what’s going on with TV, just to be safe. But if you offered me $1 million to tell you what was on FOX on Tuesday nights during the summer, there’s no way I would have been able to name this show. None.

Memphis Beat (TNT) – In the season two finale, something presumably happens then gets resolved. Or maybe it doesn’t get resolved. Oo, cliffhanger!

Pretty Little Liars (ABC Family) – Question: Are the liars pretty AND little, or just pretty little. Because if it’s the latter, that means there could be small, unattractive people on television, and that simply will not do.

Million Dollar Rooms (HGTV) – Haha, eff you poor people! (*looks at checking account*) Oh.

America’s Got Talent (NBC) — Eight of last night’s 12 acts get sent home. My guess is that Team iLuminate here makes it through to the next round. [via BuzzFeed]

So You Think You Can Dance (Fox) — The final six dancers perform for guest judges Christina Applegate and Lil’ C. I have no idea who Lil’ C is. Is Lil’ C a man or a woman? A rapper, maybe? And at what point did we decide to ignore the correct conjunction li’l? I am not a crackpot.

Franklin & Bash (TNT) — Season finale. Sad times, bro. But at least we got one more recap from Danger Guerrero coming tomorrow.

Scream If You Know the Answer (Travel) — Series premiere. Contestants on this game show answer questions while on a roller coaster. I’m 100% sure I’ve seen video of thisbefore — either from a foreign version of the show, or possibly on a late-night segment — but it’s been a long day and I don’t feel like looking it up.

How Sharks Hunt (Discovery) — Somehow, this is an hour-long program. Does it really take an hour to say, “They smell blood and swim really fast and nothing can stop them”?

Deadliest Warrior (Spike) — U.S. Army Rangers versus North Korean special ops. Puh-leaze. I enjoy denigrating the Army as much as the next Marine, but if North Korea doesn’t have enough food or electricity to be a first-world country, I hardly think their spec ops can compete with our semi-elite.

About as sad as a screen cap gets.

Jay Maynard, better known on the Internet as Tron Guy, appeared on “America’s Got Talent” last night when the show rolled through Houston (video below). And it’s hard out there for a cosplay pimp, because the crowd and the judges were BRUTAL on him. Sharon Osborne buzzed her “X” as soon as he started talking. Then the crowd turned on him. Piers Morgan buzzed him when he started over. Howie Mandel was the only one who tried to give Tron Guy a chance, and I think he hit the buzzer for Tron Guy’s safety, because the crowd was getting ugly. Another ten to 15 seconds and they would have started throwing batteries at him. Or whatever Texas crowds use instead of batteries. Horseshoes? Bullets?

Anyway, lessons learned: 1. Saying “I’m an internet celebrity” is never a good thing, and 2. Being fat and wearing spandex is not a talent. Not even in Texas. Especially not in Texas.

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America’s Got Talent (NBC) — Season premiere. Hosted by Nick Cannon and starring judges Howie Mandel, Sharon Osbourne, and Piers Morgan, it is literally impossible to find a lineup that I respect less. A judges panel comprised of a whoopie cushion, a golden retriever, and a rodeo clown with a bike horn would be more telegenic and offer better commentary.

NBA Finals (ABC) — Mavericks at Heat, Game 1. People who complained that The Hangover Part II is too similar the the first movie won’t want to see Dirk Nowitzki come up short against Miami for a second time.

Traffic Light (Fox) — Series finale. Too bad, this had potential and deserved a second season.

Tosh.0 (Comedy Central) — Daniel Tosh gives the naked wizard a Web Redemption. If you ask me, “naked wizard” sounds like sex act on Urban Dictionary.

The Little Couple (TLC) — Season premiere. Bill and Jen are still trying to start a little family. You know, Peter Dinklage as Tyrion Lannister on “Game of Thrones” has made me respect little people way more than any of TLC’s programming.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Kate Hudson on Letterman; Jennifer Lopez on Leno; Ray Romano on Ferguson; and Jimmy Fallon on “The Daily Show.” Jimmy Kimmel gets a bonus “Game Night” episode in primetime before the NBA Finals.