I can’t argue with the inherent appeal of a show called “Too Cute! Kittens,” but I think Animal Planet may have gotten the wrong person to narrate this. This is a scene where a pug puppy tries to play with a litter of Persian kittens: not exactly the Battle at Kruger. But you wouldn’t know it from the narrator, whose voice is all baritone and gravel. It’s like John Facenda and Don LaFontaine had a gay love affair and produced a baby born with chest hair. And I’d thank you to not bother me with science when I’m making similes.

(thanks, Robopanda)

In my opinion, the two funniest sounds on the planet are cat hisses and cat screeches (yes, I think they’re funnier than farts). In that regard, this teaser for Animal Planet’s “My Cat From Hell” (premiering tomorrow night) may be one of the funniest things ever made, as it features a cat hissing or screeching about once every six seconds. Essentially “The Dog Whisperer” for cats, the series stars Jackson Galaxy, a tattooed and horrendously goateed gentleman with the fakest stage name I’ve seen in ages. He introduces himself as such:

I’m Jackson Galaxy. I’m a musician by night, and a cat behaviorist by day. *opens guitar case stuffed with cat toys*

I bet this guy has to turn away pussy all the time. Don’t quit your night job, buddy.

[video via Buzzfeed, image via woolyjumper]

There can be only one.

Discovery Communications — the parent company for Discovery Channel, TLC, and Animal Planet — will hold its upfront presentation this afternoon in New York, and Deadline has a rundown of all the new shows and specials that the channels will announce. Of course, because TLC is involved, there’s some great fodder (“Extreme Christmas Trees”), but the highlight for me is a new show coming to Animal Planet called “Puppies vs. Babies.”

From cute and cuddly to adorable, hilarious and outrageous, newborns and zooborns are the most fussed over subjects on the Internet, and America just can’t get enough of them! Every other day, a star is born in cyberspace, and the question remains: who is the best?! PUPPIES VS. BABIES finds out with three one-hour episodes, taking the 16 most popular clips from that week and pitting them against one another in three rounds of playful competition for the coveted number one spot. With judging panels ranging from experts to comedians and even people off the streets, PUPPIES VS. BABIES is taking the vote to the masses and settling this showdown once and for all!

I absolutely love this idea, although I’m destined to be disappointed by its execution, because you KNOW that the powerful baby lobby is gonna make sure that puppies won’t win every time. In fact, I could do without the babies altogether. “Puppies vs. Kittens” would be better. Or hell, just make it ALL puppies. Call it “Puppies vs. Puppies” and put two 12-week-old puppies in an arena. And they could wear little plastic gladiator outfits and chew on each other for half an hour, or maybe take a nap. Why am I not in charge of Animal Planet’s programming?

Animal Planet has greenlit a series called “Hillbilly Handfishin’,” about an Oklahoma man who teaches city dwellers the excitement catching catfish without the aid of a hook or fishing line, according to Inside TV. The practice is more commonly called “noodling” or, more accurately, “noodlin’.” From the delightful Wikipedia page for noodling:

Noodling is fishing for catfish using only bare hands, practiced primarily in the southern United States. Many other names, such as catfisting, grabbling, graveling, hogging,dogging, gurgling, tickling and stumping, are used in different regions for the same activity. Noodling is currently legal in eleven of the fifty United States.

Whoa, “catfisting” is legal in eleven states? That’s great news for your lonely aunt.

Noodling has also been featured in the New York Times on more than one occasion (2007, 2006). It requires the fisherman to submerge himself in a river, stick his arm into a muddy hole, and hope for the best:

Read the rest of this entry »

Not only was Sunday’s Super Bowl the most-watched television program in history, but Animal Planet’s Puppy Bowl drew an astonishing 9.2 million viewers as well. EW’s James Hibberd looks inside the numbers:

Mind you, that 9.2 million is spread across all 12 hours of Animal Planet’s Puppy Bowl VII Sunday marathon. It’s one episode repeated over and over again, not an actual 12-hour show — which would require supplying the pups with a steady dose of Adderall to maintain the necessary level of perky adorableness.

He’s clearly never owned a puppy. They’re adorable 24/7, and I’d be happy to watch a Puppy Bowl in which the puppies got tired and fell asleep.

Also the marathon started at 3 p.m.; isn’t there something kind of weird/sad about somebody watching frolicking puppies at 2:30 in the morning? [Absolutely not. - Ed.] The actual premiere airing drew 1.7 million. Those numbers are also up 60 percent from last year.

Of course, there’s no mention in there of the Kitten Halftime show. I’m sure that drew some viewers away from the Black Eyed Peas’ halftime show because of the cuteness. Better music, too.

Anyway, if you didn’t check in with the Puppy Bowl for at least a couple minutes during Super Bowl Sunday, at least do yourself the favor of checking out these pictures from the event. HNNNNNGGGH SO CUTE. My dream job is referee for the Puppy Bowl. Job, hell. I’d pay for that gig.