It blows my mind that Snoop Dogg was once a respected and influential musician. With the video below — a love letter to “True Blood” heroine Sookie Stackhouse called “Oh Sookie” — Snoop tosses out lazy lines like “try to read my mind, you might get wet” with barely-awake flow. I hope HBO paid him handsomely for this, because I can’t imagine Anna Paquin would inspire someone to write a song. Or if she did, the song would be about as crappy as this one. I’d almost rather listen to The Situation’s single. At the very least, it needs more vuvuzela.

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Okay, okay: I GET IT. There’s a new season of “True Blood” starting soon. I don’t need the “ultimate fan trailer” (above), and I don’t need the special werewolf-heavy trailer set to Lady Gaga’s “Teeth” (below). Just LAY OFF, HBO. I’m gonna watch your stupid gore-porn with Anna Paquin’s awful accent anyway, so I don’t need to be bombarded with various new teases of what’s to come.

Anyway, the bottom trailer shows Eric doing that super-fast moving that vampires in “True Blood” can do. And I wonder: why do vampires on the show only do that to close the distance on someone? If I were a vampire, super-speed would be my go-to move in the bedroom. It would be way better than my current go-to move, which is apologizing and agreeing to leave.

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Here’s what I like about “True Blood”: it’s not trying to be anything more than what it is — a show about monsters and violence and sex. Personally, I find the vampire craze boring and played out, and God knows there are some unforgivably atrocious accents in the show, yet I can’t help but respect “True Blood” for its commitment to showing tits and gore — sometimes at the same time. It’s odd: neither soap operas nor soft-core porn are socially acceptable in most circles, yet “True Blood” is both without the stigma of either. I can appreciate that.

Anyway, to get on with the point: there’s a new “True Blood” trailer for Season 3 (video below), and while this one focuses more on the new werewolf story line, the long and short of it is that once again we’re given the promise of — what else? — sex and violence. Hooray! In the still above, Sookie’s whipping off her robe (helpful close-up of here) while Vampire Eric lays on the bed. Or is it lies on the bed? That was one piece of grammar minutiae I could never master. Whatever, the point is, they’re totally gonna f*ck. Put THAT on your English test.

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Here’s the first trailer for the third season of HBO’s “True Blood,” AKA “Twilight for Sluts.” Debuting June 13th, the series will pick up where Season 2 ended, with Sookie (Anna Paquin) beginning her search for the kidnapped Vampire Bill (Stephen Moyer). But apparently things go awry, because she ends up slutting around the trailer with every non-human in town.

Other than that, the trailer seems to promise more of “True Blood’s” groundbreaking combination of graphic sex and violence: in 30 seconds, we get four shots of shirtless men, five sets of fangs (four vampire, one werewolf), and the implicit guarantee that some of those bras will come off. Which I appreciate, but can we quit with the foreplay and just tell me whether or not Evan Rachel Wood gets naked?

The third season of HBO’s gory and tit-filled vampire drama “True Blood” begins in June, and the show has launched a massive multi-front promotional campaign to increase the hype surrounding it and get losers like me to write about it. Here’s a rundown of what’s going on:

• New season 3 poster above. Awww yeah, snakes and tits and skulls and big biceps on pale people.
• New promo poster released every week for the 12 weeks up to the show. You can see the first five here. The Missing one is my least favorite. I just don’t like to think of vampires as the kind of death-dealing immortals that give a crap if one of their kind goes missing.
• New “minisode” airing on HBO every week for the six weeks leading up to the season premiere. (watch below)
• The “True Blood” comic book, arriving July 21st, released the cover art for issue #1.
• For twenty dollars, Anna Paquin will show up to your house and take her shirt off. That’s not really part of HBO’s promotional campaign, Anna just understands what she’s good at.

I think that’s about it. Below, I’ve got several photo stills from the new season, as well as the first minisode, which features Eric and Pam as they screen new dancers. It’s kind of preposterous, but the entire show is kind of preposterous, so I guess it works. And, as the screen cap thumbnailed here proves, it ends with a cliffhanger that definitely makes me interested to see more, so I guess it’s effective advertising. As Don Draper might say, “Titties sell.”

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