Blonde vs. Bear (Animal Planet) — Series premiere. I think of this as a more specific version of “Man vs. Wild” that panders to the Internet. As Drew Magary noted, “Oh, my money is definitely on the bear. It’s like rock-paper-scissors. Bear beats blonde. Blonde beats traffic ticket. Traffic ticket angers bear.” (Actually, conservationist Ann Bryant is the blonde, and she’s out to help save bears.)

Parks and Recreation (NBC) — Finally, new episodes return to NBC’s Thursday comedy block. The long-awaited Harvest Festival is finally upon the town of Pawnee.

Community (NBC) — Alison Brie and Danny Pudi were on G4′s “Attack of the Show” the other night, and Brie revealed that she at one point had her tongue pierced. Then she wagged her tongue around while the camera zoomed in on her mouth. It was a religious experience for me, and I’ve included the video below so that you too can know God’s love. (GIF via)

Archer (FX) — Malory has a brush with cancer on tonight’s episode, which couldn’t possibly be better news. I love cancer jokes.

American Idol (Fox) — In the interest of professional relevance, I actually caught a couple minutes of last night’s show. Some chick sang the song from Pocahontas, and that was enough of that.

Bones (Fox) — Bones and Booth get stuck in an elevator during a blackout. It’s the perfect show for people who like “Castle” but wish the stars were less attractive and had less chemistry.

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Actually, the video below is just a behind-the-scenes look at Olivia Munn’s cover shoot for the January issue of Maxim (delicious pictures here), but I went for the Cool Whip angle to help out the people searching Google for sexy starlet/foodstuff combinations for masturbational purposes. Here’s what she says as she receives her non-dairy whipped cream substitute.

Yes! This is a special request from me. The photographer requested a bottle of Veuve Clicquot champagne and a six-pack of Samuel Adams. Mine was pie and a tub of Cool Whip.

Good Lord that is sexy. What I wouldn’t give to watch her pour that champagne on her breasts while I had sex with the pie. There would be non-dairy whipped cream substitute all over the place in no time.

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Eva Amurri, the actress who in the last week has gone from “Susan Sarandon’s daughter” to “Dear Jesus I wanna stick my face in ‘em” thanks to a nude scene as a stripper in “Californication,” co-hosted G4′s “Attack of the Show” last night. She didn’t magically make “AOTS” entertaining, but there are definitely long stretches in the video below where I can just tune out the rest of the world and gaze longingly at the screen. It’s a nice way to sit in a hazy stupor until I find my ether-sniffin’ rag.

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G4′s “Attack of the Show” had a panel at Comic-Con this weekend, and over 1000 Olivia Munn fanboys got turned away at the door. And those nerds missed out on a wild party. Well, relatively speaking. Wild for people who watch a basic-cable show about video games and tech gadgets.

Though organizers tried to convince Comic-Con that the G4 program was a big draw, the event was stuck in a relatively modest-sized ballroom. About 1,000 fans were turned away and what transpired was, according to one industry insider who attended, “the wildest Comic-Con panel I’ve ever seen … it was totally off the hook.”

Each chair had a kazoo and glow stick under their chairs. Hosts Kevin Pereira and Olivia Munn had the audience play the show’s theme song on the kazoo, then lowered the lights turned the room into a “nerd rave.” Lewd comments to Munn from the audience were practically encouraged. [source]

There’s video of the nerd rave after the jump (and video of Munn’s cleavariffic nerd fantasy costumes hyah).  As you can see, nobody’s actually dancing with the glowsticks like ravers do.  Most people are just waving them around, pretending they’re light sabers.

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Good news: “Attack of the Show” co-host/geek fantasy Olivia Munn will be on the cover of the next issue of Playboy.  Bad news: her photo shoot is non-nude.  Good news: there’s video from the photo shoot.  Bad news: the video contains potassium benzoate.

NOTE: I’m in the process of trying to score (an interview) with Olivia, so if you have any questions you’d like me to ask, please drop them in the comments.

[via The Rap Up]