Game of Thrones (HBO, Sunday) — Series premiere. Given the hype and the rave reviews that are already rolling in, you can expect to see Sir Pantsalot photoshopped into a lot of images in the coming weeks. I could nit-pick a lot of things about George R.R. Martin’s first novel in the series, but I’ll give him this: dude has BALLS when it comes to killing off characters. Don’t get too attached to anyone.

Burn Notice: The Fall of Sam Axe (USA, Sunday) — Bruce Campbell gets a two-hour spin-off prequel movie. Spin-off prequel movie. I’m having a tough time wrapping my head around that term.

Audrina (VH1, Sunday) — Series premiere. Do I want to have intercourse with Audrina? Yes, absolutely. Do I care about any other detail of her boring life? Absolutely not. Other reality shows premiering on VH1 Sunday: Mob Wives and Saddle Ranch.

The Ricky Gervais Show (HBO, Friday) — Season finale. It’s not my thing — I don’t understand why Ricky Gervais needs to look like Fred Flintstone — but it’s better than whatever’s on Syfy.

Friday Night Lights (NBC, Friday) — Season premiere. I’m tempted to jump in and watch Season 5, but I’ve only watched Season 1 and parts of Season 2. What do you people think I should do? I mean, besides post more pictures of dogs.

Chances are, if more than a handful of people like something, there’s a convention for it. There’s Comic-Con for geeks. PaleyFest for TV fans. DragonCon for geeks who can’t afford Comic-Con. Lower down the social totem pole are conventions for society’s fringe elements, like furries. I also recall a chapter in Neil Gaiman’s Sandman that takes place at a an expo for serial killers. And for members of society who are even more debased and vile than serial killers, there’s Reality Rocks, a convention for fans of reality television.

Look upon this press release, ye Mighty, and despair:

Warner Horizon Television will be bringing some of America’s favorite reality shows, including The Bachelor, The Bachelorette and Randy Jackson Presents America’s Best Dance Crew, to the inaugural Reality Rocks Expo, the ultimate reality TV experience, about the fans, for the fans and by the fans, April 9-10, 2011.  These stars join an already star-studded cast of reality TV favorites, including previously announced Nick Cannon, Adrianne Curry, Christopher Knight, Audrina Patridge, Eric Roberts, Karina Smirnoff and previous contestants and cast members from American Idol, Keeping Up with the Kardashians, Project Runway, The Real World, Survivor, The Amazing Race, So You Think You Can Dance, RuPaul’s Drag Race, and top shows from Food Network, Cooking Channel and Bravo.

Wow, Nick Cannon AND Christopher Knight?!!?!? Why, the only way this could possibly get better is if Jack Osbourne presented an award to the creator of “The Bachelor”!

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Last night, Audrina Patridge was voted off of “Dancing with the Stars” even though she got the second-highest score from the judges. Meanwhile, Bristol Palin’s arhythmic clubfooted swaying didn’t even land her in the bottom two. Why? Because the tubby Midwestern housewives who vote for “DWTS” are threatened by Audrina but not by Bristol. Thanks, America. Keep up the great work.

But don’t worry, we WILL see Audrina’s abs on television again. As was previously reported, Mark Burnett has been shopping a reality project for her, and Deadline says that VH1 is close to picking it up.

The still untitled project, whose order is expected to be in the 8-10 episode range, will document Patridge’s life with her family as she tries to navigate the world of fame and celebrity in Hollywood…

Patridge teamed with Burnett to develop a new reality series built around her in the spring of 2009. MTV ordered a pilot for the project, The Audrina Show, which was to chronicle her daily life. While it ultimately didn’t go to series, sister channel VH1 pursued Patridge and Burnett for a retooled version of the project and to better fit into its brand and ordered it to series.

Let’s be honest here: Audrina’s show didn’t get picked up before because Audrina isn’t very interesting. A body that wet dreams are made of, sure, but duller than C-SPAN. That’s why I want VH1′s retooling of the show to be called “The Audrina Patridge Silent Neck-Down Shower Hour.”

As promised, ABC revealed the cast of the new season of “Dancing with the Stars,” and this is the sort of thing I have to write about even though I don’t watch the show. So let’s just get this over with.

• Previously revealed: Bristol Palin, Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino, David Hasselhoff, Brandy.
• Token old person: Florence Henderson.
• The Kelly Monaco Memorial Hot Chick Whose Body Gets More Ridiculous From Dancing 10 Hours a Day: Audrina Patridge.
• Overweight comic relief: Margaret Cho.
• Singer that middle-aged housewives adore: Michael Bolton.
• Doing it because his girlfriend Eliza Dushku likes the show: Rick Fox.
• Token ABC/Disney cross-promotion: Disney Channel star Kyle Massey.
• Jock: Kurt Warner.
• Not getting put in the corner: Jennifer Grey.

Awww, now I’m sad about Patrick Swayze dying all over again.

In other dancing news, lots of people are losing their minds over the footage of a dog doing a choreographed merengue (see video below). But it’s just Warming Glow’s beloved Mambo Dog in a different outfit (see this post from last November). I keep telling you people: I SEE ALL DOGS ON THE INTERNET. This blog is Ground Zero for dogs doing cool things. It’s barely about television any more. I regret nothing.

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Audrina Patridge is on the cover of the new issue of Maxim, and I owe her an apology. I’ve often complained about her face looking kinda weird, but as it turns out, if your body is super-hot it makes your face prettier. And these pictures, while annoyingly small, are evidence that I very much would like to remove her clothes and fail to please her sexually.

But I digress. This is a TV blog, and Audrina is on TV. Let’s see what fascinating news she has for us in that arena.

Is this really going to be your last season on The Hills? Why?
You know, it’s just something that I felt inside. I’m an adult now, and I don’t need all the petty drama and drinking and fighting. I’ve done that, and I’m ready to move on.
Can you spill anything about The Audrina Show?
The producer is Mark Burnett, who executive-produced Survivor. It’s a behind-the-scenes look at my life in L.A.—the movies and shoots and parties. It’s not as glamorous as it appears, plus it’ll actually feature people I know. It’s, like, real.

Will she be showering in this show? Showering’s pretty important, right? Like, she has to look good for the movies and shoots and parties, and I think showering is a pretty essential part of the behind-the-scenes action. I don’t want to tell Mark Burnett how to make his show, and I don’t want to come off as shallow here, but I don’t want any part of “The Audrina Show” unless she’s soaping up her breasts. I’m tough but fair.