Richard and Mayumi Heene, the “Wife Swap” alumni who orchestrated the Balloon Boy hoax in October, were sentenced to jail last week. Both received four years of probation, while Dick got 90 days (of which 60 will be work-release) and mama-san got 20. Unfortunately, Christmas will come a little late this year, as the jail terms don’t begin until January 11th :(

David Lane, Richard Heene’s attorney, said he thought Schapanski delivered fair and “thoughtful” sentences but nonetheless questioned whether the rulings — especially the jail sentence imposed on Mayumi Heene for a first offense — mistook vengeance for justice. [Denver Post]

Wait. Are vengeance and justice not the same thing? *puts away pipe bomb*

Lane also said the restitution requirement [which could be $47,000 or more] would be difficult for the Heenes to uphold. As part of the sentence, the Heenes are barred from making money off the hoax.

I’ve got a foolproof plan for them to be able to pay the restitution that I think will be satisfactory for everyone. They have life insurance, right?

I’ve had enough of the Heene family and “Balloon Boy” story, something that I cared so little about that I called it “Bubble Boy” the other day. But there’s still a glut of Heene news out there, so this can be the Bubble Boy Memorial Thread. RIP, giving a crap about this family of jackasses.

• Falcon threw up twice during the awesomely awkward “Today Show” interview. Did the New York Daily News get video stills? You betcha.
• Officials are looking to press felony charges against the Heenes, who could face up to six years in jail and a $500K fine. [Denver Post]
• Surprising absolutely no one, TMZ reports that the Heenes were pitching a reality show.
• Surprising absolutely no one, Gawker provides proof that the Heenes did the stunt to land a reality show.

Further evidence that people who aspire to be on reality shows need to get rounded up, placed in a steel container, and sent to the bottom of the ocean. Or fired into the sun. I prefer fired into the sun, but that’s expensive and we all need to live a little more frugally these days.

(image via)

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“Balloon boy” was found alive, as CNN reports, which left a lot of us wondering if this was a hoax costing taxpayers a buttload of cash.  The answer is probably yes:

Wolf Blitzer: Did he hear you screaming out “Falcon, Falcon”?
Richard Heene: Um, he’s asking us, Falcon, did you hear us calling your name at any time?  You did?  Why didn’t you come out?
Falcon Heene: You guys said that we did this for the show.

Then just watch the parents squirm and backpeddle.  Ah, schadenfreude, my old friend, we meet again.

[via buzzfeed]

UPDATE: Video got pulled. Instead, enjoy this music video about the Heene boys being “not pussified” from the same episode of “Wife Swap.” (via Buzzfeed)

Holy crap! I go offline for 90 minutes to interact with other human beings, and the Internet gets taken over by a six-year-old boy named Falcon floating thousands of feet in the air over Colorado — which, according to people near TVs, has already come crashing to earth (with no six-year-old boy inside, so it’s either a hoax or he’s dead).

Anyway, in case you’re wondering if the child floating in a balloon alone 8000 feet in the air is the result of responsible parenting, I direct you to this clip from an episode of “Wife Swap” last year, in which the boy’s father, a storm chaser, goes off the rails in a clash with a replacement mother who cares about some gay-ass subject called “safety.” Whatever that is.

UPDATE X 2: Bonus insanity below!
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