Hm, how to phrase this without sounding the least bit political? Let’s try: yesterday, the President of the United States, who I can neither confirm nor deny is definitely not a Green Party member, appeared on a special taping of “Late Night with Jimmy Fallon” at the University of North Carolina Chapel Hill. The Commander-in-Chief, who I probably have no opinion of, good or bad, slow jammed the news with Fallon and the Roots. The topic: keeping student loan interest rates low, something that the “Barackness Monster,” which is most likely not the name of a real monster, wants to do. MAYBE. I think that was handled without bias…

AND THEN HE DROPPED THE MIC, which is always the best thing to do ever. U-S-A! U-S-A!

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Photo Credit: ABC

Cougar Town/Dancing With the Stars (ABC) – ATTENTION MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN WHO PROBABLY DON’T READ THIS BLOG: Watch “Cougar Town” before “Dancing With the Stars” tonight. It is about people who sit around drinking wine and gossiping. You love that! (This entry brought to you by Stereotypes.)

Late Night with Jimmy Fallon (NBC) – Fallon gets bumped up to the listings proper because he has the President on his show tonight. Don’t like it, other late night shows? Maybe you shouldn’t have thought about that when you were busy not booking the President. Hurts, doesn’t it?

Glee/New Girl (FOX) – Tonight is “Glee’s” Whitney Houston episode. Good to see we’re still exploiting and profiting off her death a full two and a half months later. A+ work, Hollywood.

The L.A. Complex (CW) – Series premiere. From TV Guide: “Hollywood dreamers seek stardom in this dramatic series set at a Los Angeles apartment-style motel.” So … it’s basically “Melrose Place,” yes? OK, cool.

The Biggest Loser/The Voice/Fashion Star (NBC) – You know, NBC turned into VH1 so gradually I didn’t even notice.

Dance Moms: Miami (Lifetime) – Two things: 1) How did “Dance Moms” get a spinoff? 2) I sincerely hope one of the judges (there are judges, right?) is David Caruso in character as Horatio Caine.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Amy Poehler and Wendy Williams on Letterman; John Cusack on Kimmel; Nobody reads these so let’s just say there’s a talking octopus named Ralph on Ferguson; Jack Black on Leno; and Metta World Peace is on Conan, fresh off elbowing James Harden right in the dome.

With the 2012 presidential election kicking into high gear, NBC and the White House announced this morning that President Obama will appear as a guest on “Late Night with Jimmy FallWHAT’S HE DOIN ON A COMEDY SHOW HE SHOULD BE FIXIN THE DANG ECONOMY. The show will be taped on Tuesday at the University of North Carolina, which is notable because North Carolina is an important swing state this yeOH I SEE HE’S GONNA TRY TO INDOCTRINATE OUR CHILDREN AS IF THESE LIBERAL IVORY TOWER UNIVERSITIES NEED ANY HELP. It’s not President Obama’s first appearance on a late night show, as he’s sat down with Jay Leno a few times, but it is his first appearance on the younger skewing show hosted by FaUGH I HATE LENO AND HIS STUPID RED STATE AUDIENCE THEY’RE RUINING ALL THE GOOD SHOWS LIKE THIS ONE I LOVE THAT NO ONE ELSE WATCHES. While there’s no official word on exactly what Obama will talk about on the show, it’s pretty safe to assume the recent controversy involving comments made by Ted Nugent will be addresTHESE RIGHT WING GUN NUTS ARE DANGEROUS AND SCARY AND ALL OF THEIR WORDS SHOULD BE TAKEN VERY SERIOUSLY EVEN IF THEY ARE SPOKEN BY A LOONY GUITARIST FROM THE 1980S. The show will also feature musical guest Dave Matthews Band, who will perform a live set for the college crowI LOVE DAVE I’VE SEEN HIM FIVE TIMES AND PLAYED HIS ALBUM AT THE OCCUPY PROTESTS IT REALLY HELPED US MAKE A DIFFERENCE. SHUT UP HIPPIE. NO YOU SHUT UP YOU CAPITALIST PIG I’M MOVING TO CANADA IF A REPIGLICAN WINS. GOOD RIDDANCE YOU SOCIALIST THESE COLORS DON’T RUN. AAAAARRRRGGHHHHHHHH.

I hate politics.

Kenny Powers is man who has the ball; he’s the man who can throw it faster than f**k. That’s why he’s better than everyone in the world. Not only does the man hold the rookie record for saves (49) he’s also a gentle lover, but most of all, he’s a goddamn champion. He’s an icon. The only thing that Kenny Powers hasn’t managed yet is landing a big shoe deal, but that’s because no shoe company has had the balls to associate themselves with the bulletproof tiger. But K-Swiss has magnum sized balls. They’ve embraced the essence of Kenny Powers, and appointed him the Motherfu*ckin’ Chief Executive Office (MFCEO) of K-Swiss.

Powers has this new spot out where he basically channels Steve Jobs, if Steve Jobs had an arm like a damn rocket, a c*ck like a burmese python, and the mind of a f**king scientist. In this spot, he introduces K-Swiss’ new shoe, Blades, and honestly, it’s one of the funniest ads you’ve ever lay your puny little eyes on. There’s a animated sequences where he cuts up children, another where he hangs out with half-naked chicks on the moon, and even a sit-down with Bruce Lee to discuss how to make the fastest shoe you’ve ever seen. You will sh*t your pants, nerd.

The thing that struck me most about the video, though, is what an awesome motivational speaker Kenny Powers is. He has the ability to rally a base, inspire an electorate, and bring voters to their knees. If politicians were more like Kenny Powers, there’d be no gridlock in Washington. Kenny Powers could get sh*t done. There’d be no wars, either, because every other country in the world would be too terrified of the awesome power of the United States to do pose a threat.

What I’m proposing is this: Presidential candidates should stop listening to their pussy advisers, and start their cues from Kenny Powers. Campaign speeches wouldn’t be tepid affairs anymore; they’d be like rock concerts where chicks would throw their bras at the candidates. What would it look like? It’d look something like this:

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"It's like my bro Turtle said..."

Unlike some of my colleagues, I would rather set myself ablaze and wade into pool of gasoline than engage in a political discussion on the Internet. Unfortunately, sometimes an issue is so important that it can’t be glossed over. This is one of those times.

Adrian Grenier posted a photo of himself and the prez on his Facebook page earlier today with a message reading, “I promised to make the Entourage movie if he would do a cameo. He agreed. Seriously.”

It was first revealed back in 2008 that the leader of the free world enjoyed watching Entourage and fellow HBO series The Wire. “I never try to analyze these things too much, but I think Obama is someone who believes in family and loyalty,” Entourage creator and executive producer Doug Ellin told the New York Daily News at the time. “And I think at its core, that’s what Entourage is about.” [E! Online]

Now I’m pretty sure this was more of a glad-handing “Yeahyeah whatever, I’ll be in your movie” thing than a hard and firm confirmation, but still, in regards to ALL OF THIS …

Photo credit: Shutterstock