The Star Wars Holiday Special aired in 1978 (when I was three months old), so I’ve obviously never seen it. However, like Vietnam or the Holocaust, I’ve long heard tales from survivors about how terrible it was. And judging by this five-minute condensed version (via BuzzFeed), it would be tough to overstate its crappiness. Here are the first words of the video:

The Star Wars Holiday Special! Starring Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker! … Introducing Chewbacca’s family! …  Beatrice Arthur! And Jefferson Starship!

YIKES. On the plus side, Harrison Ford is also in it, and the special ends with Princess Leia singing to Wookiees wearing choir robes. It’s traditional garb for them, I’m sure.

(By the way, I suspect that this video is the kind of thing Patton Oswalt was talking about in Wired Magazine when he bemoaned the Internet’s role in the destruction of geek culture – because it allows us to experience the awfulness of the Star Wars Holiday Special without wasting two hours of our time. And while Oswalt made some good points in his essay, two things stuck out at me: 1. He sounded like an old man. “Why, when I was a boy, we had to EARN our geekdom the HARD WAY. Kids these days! With their Internet and Wikipedia!” And 2. He completely overestimates the spread of Internet culture and its supposed destruction of American otaku. My girlfriend and I were Kick-Ass and Hit Girl for Halloween, and NOT ONE PERSON at the party we went to — in hipster-ass Williamsburg, Brooklyn, of all places — had any idea who we were. Every time I wear my Three Moon Keyboard Cat t-shirt, I get twenty weird looks for every time someone says, “Haha, Keyboard Cat!” So spare me the whole “There are no more hidden thought-palaces” BS. The Internet IS a hidden thought-palace.)

MUSLIMS VERSUS ‘SOUTH PARK’ – An Islamic group said that last week’s episode, in which the prophet Mohammed was depicted in a bear suit, would probably get Trey Parker and Matt Stone killed. That’s not a threat, of course — merely an observation they made. All of that glosses over the most interesting part: how awesome would a religion be if the prophet dressed in a bear suit? [NYT, WWTDD]

JON STEWART VERSUS FOX NEWS — Bernie Goldberg fired back at Stewart’s criticism of Fox News, which led to last night’s 12-minute breakdown on “The Daily Show.” Worth a watch if you’ve got the time. [Comedy Central]

DECEASED BEA ARTHUR IN A PETA AD — Arthur, who died a year ago this week, will appear (nude?) in a PETA ad against McDonald’s with the headline McCruelty. It’s enough to make Bea Arthur roll over in her grave. “That’s VERY clever,” said a third-grade teacher. [Media Decoder]

So, let’s see if I can hit all the wickets here… We should bomb the Middle East until it’s a parking lot; Matt Stone, Trey Parker, and Jon Stewart should be dragged into the street and shot; Comedy Central and Fox News headquarters should be firebombed without regard to civilian casualties; and I endorse the wholesale slaughter and torture of all animals. Just don’t say anything bad about Bea Arthur. THAT WOMAN WAS A SAINT.

Via Time:

Comedian Bill Maher may have thought he was on American Gladiator rather than Pictionary [Ed.- Ha ha, good one, Jay.] in 1997 when an excitable Erik Estrada knocked him to the floor. The CHiPs actor was celebrating his successful deciphering of the phrase “tie a yellow ribbon round the old oak tree” when, in his exuberance, he hit Maher in the nose. The taped show cut away; when it returned, Maher had a compress against his face while Estrada sat sheepishly nearby.

Then Maher was his usual sarcastic self, guessing punch, fist, and brain damage on the next game. In fairness to Estrada, Maher’s nose is huge and hard to miss. [Ha ha, good one, Jay.]  Since I’m talking about celebrity game shows anyway, check out the clip below of Betty White getting fed up with the magic toaster on Password.   And since I’m talking about Betty White, check out this awesome tattoo.

[Thanks to Urlesque for the pic.]

On Saturday, legendary comic actress Bea Arthur succumbed to cancer.  She was 86.

Arthur was most famous for the caustic wit and baritone voice she brought to Dorothy Zbornak in “Golden Girls” and the scene-stealing Maude Findlay in “All in the Family” — a role that was spun into the hugely popular “Maude” a year later.  She won Emmys for both roles, and the New York Times called those characters “two of the most endearing battle-axes in television history.”  Prior to that, Arthur had enjoyed a lengthy Broadway career that began in the ’50s, and she served as one of the first female Marines during World War II.

What I find most interesting about Arthur is the traction she maintained in the acerbic world of Internet culture, as the banner picture and nude paintings of her attest.  The woman who once said, “Nobody ever asked me to play Juliet” always maintained a sense of humor about herself, volunteering to participate in Comedy Central roasts and starring in a memorable Sex and the City parody.

She will be missed.  Especially by people who liked to say they wouldn’t F people with her dick.