Well, ABC has made official what’s been obvious for nine months: “Better Off Ted” has been canceled. Someone responsible for “Ted” must have nailed an ABC executive’s wife, because it was the best sitcom on ABC (until “Modern Family” arrived), yet it constantly got shuffled around to different days and suffered the indignity of having new episodes burned off during the summer when it was surrounded by re-runs. Meanwhile, ABC had an open slot in its block of Wednesday comedies ever since the atrocious “Hank” was canceled, but ABC filled the open half-hour with — I’m not kidding — Charlie Brown specials. F*cking Charlie Brown.

Anyway, I guess that’s the last time I get to bitch about that. It’s nice to have some closure. RIP, the loyal workers of Veridian Dynamics.

Other cancellations and pick-ups, including the “Law & Order” hubbub:

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Better Off Ted (ABC) — Weekly iteration: Dear ABC, don’t cancel it. Everyone else: watch it. Or don’t listen to me. Whatever’s gonna happen is gonna happen anyway.

White Collar (USA) — Winter premiere. The show has moved from Fridays to a new slot on Tuesdays, which may attract some viewers. Not me, though.

Paranormal Cops (A&E) Series premiere. Yahoo: “By day, they work as Chicago police officers, but after dark they moonlight as paranormal investigators…” Yeah, that’s where you lost me. “Hey, what should we call a show about people who crack down on the spirit world?” “Ghostbusters?” “No, we want it to sound original.”

Millionaire Matchmaker (Bravo) — Season premiere. Ahhh, I see Patti’s back for another season of me looking for new ways to call her a hatchet-faced bitch. Very well. Bring it on, you beak-nosed harpy-troll.

Dirty Jobs (Discovery) — Mike joins Miami’s Chicken Busters to round up feral chickens. He needs to come to Brooklyn and find the goddam rooster that one of my neighbors keeps. I swear to God I’m going to hunt that bird down and strangle it with my bare hands.

Blue Mountain State (Spike) — Okay, who watched it last week? Raise your AXE body spray.

Even though I spend all my day writing about how I hate or love (usually hate) various things on TV, I try to stay away from telling you what YOU should like it. The whole “YOU HAVE TO WATCH THIS!” or “SAVE THIS SHOW!” thing feels way too much like cheerleading to me, and I’m way too apathetic and heterosexual for that.

Nevertheless, I’d be remiss if I didn’t point out — once again — the unfathomable buffoonery of ABC’s handling of “Better Off Ted,” a funny and original sitcom that ABC has consistently hidden in its lineup and burned off new episodes in little-watched time slots even though it has a half-hour slot open in its queue of successful Wednesday night comedies.

Anyway, all of this is a long-winded way of introducing the above gag reel, in which the employees of Veridian are required to swear at each other due to a typo on a memo. It’s excellent; there’s some really creative swearing in there — and that’s a compliment I don’t just go out handing to anyone. I think the show’s writers might read KSK.

Better Off Ted (ABC) — This may very well be your last time to see it as part of ABC’s evening line-up.  There’s a decent interview with show clips here.

Rescue Me (FX) — I watched a movie about firefighters once.  It was called Backshaft.  A little thin on plot, but plenty of action, if you know what I’m talkin’ about.*  (*anal sex)

How the Earth Was Made (History) — Tonight’s episode examines the birth of the Hawaiian islands.  Don’t even TRY to tell me they’re more than 6000 years old!

Fringe (Fox) — “Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry/When I take you out in my surrey…”  What, no Rodgers & Hammerstein fans?  Um, me neither.  That singing was accidental.

My Boys (TBS) — This show is maddeningly erratic.  It has some funny scenes, but it’s like they gave half of the script-writing duties to people who’ve never seen men interact.

Deadliest Warrior (Spike) — “Yakuza vs. Mafia.”  Excellent match-up, actually.  I gotta lean towards yakuza.  They might be equally deadly, but the Japanese win with their twisted worldview.  They’ll go bowling at people’s heads.

The Phone (MTV) — This is the series that Justin Timberlake has been going around and pimping because he’s a producer.  But guess what, it’s on MTV so… **fart sound, thumbs down**

“Better Off Ted” — the quietly awesome ABC sitcom you’re not watching — was preempted by President Obama’s address last night, and the show didn’t take it lying down.  This fake ad from Veridian Dynamics (the fictional super-corporation where the characters work) is a nice little viral video, and I hope it raises awareness of the show so it doesn’t get canceled.  I mean, I’m not gonna bitch and moan or start a “save this show!” campaign or tell you that you just HAVE to watch it, but it’s good.  Put it this way: if it were a chick, I’d do her.  Maybe not girlfriend material, but I wouldn’t lie to my friends about it, either.

[What's Alan Watching?]