Here are a ton of links.  This should keep you occupied while I file the necessary paperwork to adopt that sassy Asian toddler, and rule the child beauty pageant circuit with an iron fist.

(*Sigh*) Fine. Nine minutes of the latest “Family Guy” Star Wars spoof. [MTV Movies Blog]

See, Parents Television Council, sexualizing THIS would be pedophilia. Previously unseen documentary footage of 12 year old Lea Michele. [NY Daily News]

I voted for the watermelon from “The Amazing Race.” Betty While voted Entertainer of the Year. [The Globe and Mail]

An elephant never forgets.  That’s why you should never cross Khloe Kardashian. Seriously though, this footage from “60 Minutes” about people who have endless memory is fascinating. [MadCapWanderlust]

More links after the jump, plus two of my favorite GIFs ever.

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The nominations for the Screen Actors Guild Awards have been released, and there are some pretty stupid choices, but nothing on the level of retardation that you see from the Golden Globes. In general, because the nominations come from actors, the nominations favor shows with strong actors and (more importantly) established actors. Which is to say: if they couldn’t think of someone to round out the list, they picked someone old and/or familiar. Let’s have a look-see:

Best TV Ensemble, Drama:
Mad Men (AMC)
Dexter (Showtime)
Boardwalk Empire (HBO)
The Closer (TNT)
The Good Wife (CBS)

“The Closer”? “The Closer” wouldn’t make my Top 20 list. It’s somewhere below “Burn Notice” and “White Collar.”

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Damn, Betty White. You just got me aroused. I’ll add you to the list for when I finish my time machine. [Lily Mars]

How to wake up during winter. Natural light alarm clocks. Perfect for anyone who can’t afford to spend their winter at a Mexican resort. [UPROXX]

Books? Ugh. Don’t worry, there are pictures! A list of reading material for any geeks you may know — including the awesome-looking Nextwave, which is ”like Shakespeare but with lots more punching.” [UPROXX]

This is why he’s incredible. Here’s a GIF of the Incredible Hulk throwing a bear. Why? BECAUSE HE CAN. [Robot in Disguise]

The Cowboys are the new Knicks. Not necessarily the worst team in the league, but certainly the most glorious disaster. [With Leather]

Hey, what’s Uwe Boll been up to? Oh, not much: just making Blubberella,”superhero comedy about an overweight half-vampire who fights Nazis.” Although that description makes it sound better than it looks. [FilmDrunk]

The Little Debbie Diet. You can eat all the junk food you want and still lose weight, as long as you’re cutting back on calories. Thanks, science! [Gamma Squad]

Oh, hey! TV news and notes:

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Get it? He was using the robot arm to masturbate.

As expected, “Big Bang Theory’s” move to Thursdays was a success for CBS, as it pulled in almost three times as many viewers as NBC’s brilliant “Community.” Here’s the breakdown of the overnights:

“Big Bang” delivered 14 million viewers and a 4.8 preliminary adults 18-49 rating, that’s actually up a tenth of a point from its cozy position in CBS’ Monday comedy block last year.

NBC’s rival “Community” (5 million, 2.2) fell 42% from last year’s debut. But don’t go blaming “Big Bang” just yet. Last year, “Community” aired at 9:30 p.m. and benefited from an “Office” lead-in. Last night’s “Community” is on par with the show’s usual 8 p.m. performance last season, and  improved upon last fall’s “Saturday Night Live” special in the time period. [THR]

Here’s my beef with CBS comedies like “The Big Bang Theory” and “Two and a Half Men.” It’s not that they’re bad; it’s that they don’t try. The acting is solid, and many of the jokes are funny. But they never try to serve anything more than the lowest common denominator. Jokes are telegraphed from miles away, and the humor is lowbrow without being edgy. They have no intention to surprise intelligent viewers or break new ground, and that bores me.

“Community,” on the other hand, rewards viewers who pay attention. It winks at pop culture enthusiasts without being too obvious or cloying (like Troy waking up in a Spider-Man t-shirt after a summer in which fans tried to get Donald Glover the role in the rebooted movie franchise). Other treats from last night’s episode:

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The Creative Arts Emmys were handed out this weekend, and “creative arts” is a very polite way of saying “not important enough to televise.” I guess the Emmys that get shown on TV are for non-creative work. Wait, that’s the Daytime Emmys.

ANYWAY, winners included Betty White (Best Guest Actress in a Comedy, “Saturday Night Live”), Neil Patrick Harris (Best Guest Actor in a Comedy, “Glee”/Best Special Class Program, The Tony Awards), and Isaiah Mustafa (Best Commercial, “The Man Your Man Could Smell Like”). Other notable events:

• John Lithgow won Best Guest Actor in a Dramatic Series for his role as the Trinity Killer in “Dexter,” then thanked HBO instead of Showtime.
• Ann-Margret received the only standing ovation of the night when she collected the award for Best Guest Actress in a Drama for her appearance on “Law & Order: SVU.” Ice-T has a way of bringing out the best in his fellow thespians.
• Christina Hendricks was there.

Full list of winners here. It’s absolutely fascinating stuff. Woo, way to go Winter Olympics Opening Ceremony! That lighting really was amazing!