I’m much too old and cynical to be watching MTV’s Video Music Awards, but as a blogger I’m required to acknowledge that they happened. So here’s everything you need to know: Beyoncé announced on the red carpet that she’s pregnant, Lady Gaga dressed in drag, Justin Bieber looks more like a lesbian than ever before, and people remembered that Amy Winehouse died. There you go. I just saved you four hours with that one sentence.

You know what I watched last night? A little bit of the Saints-Raiders preseason game and seven episodes of “Friday Night Lights.” I’m watching from the very beginning, and even though I’ve seen most of Season 1, I’d forgotten how much I enjoyed it. I come to tears almost every episode. That’s how awesome Minka Kelly looks in a cheerleading uniform.

Oprah Winfrey began taping her final episodes before a crowd of 20,000 in the United Center yesterday, and the show’s producers surprised Oprah with a flurry of big-name stars, each of whom showered her with the adulation necessary to sustain her massive ego.

Tom Hanks hosted the first hour of taping, featuring appearances by Tom Cruise, Madonna, Dakota Fanning, Halle Berry, Katie Holmes, and Queen Latifah, plus performances by Beyoncé, Rascal Flatts, and Josh Groban with Patti Labelle. The second hour was hosted by Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith, and they brought out guests like Michael Jordan, Jerry Seinfeld, Simon Cowell, and — in her first public appearance since SchwarzenbastardGate — Maria Shriver. The second hour also featured a duet by Jamie Foxx and Stevie Wonder, Maya Angelou reading a poem she’d written for Oprah (while backed by Alicia Keys on piano), and Usher singing with a full symphony. You can read the whole report here.

Meh, she coulda gone bigger. I would’ve been more impressed if she gave away 20,000 cars.

At long last, here’s a video procured from the InterWebs that isn’t about NBC’s tribulations of late: a mash-up of Beyoncé’s earworm-inducing “Single Ladies (Put a Ring on It)” and the infectious whistling of the theme to “The Andy Griffith Show” (see below). I think it was engineered by scientists to be a Frankentein of songs that get stuck in your head for days on end.

Despite that, I recommend giving it a watch and a listen; it really is pretty decent. I think I’m going to automatically whistle the “Andy Griffith” theme every time I hear the original “Single Ladies” from now on — kinda like how Jay-Z’s “99 Problems” no longer sounds complete to me if it doesn’t have the guitar riff from “Helter Skelter” because of Danger Mouse’s Grey Album. (By the way, the only words my parents recognized in that previous sentence were “Andy Griffith” and “Helter Skelter.”)

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