Nuh-uh girrrrl, they did not EVEN! Lifetime’s gonna get more sass than they can handle when they remake Steel Magnolias with an all-black cast.

Lifetime is developing an original movie based on the hit feature, which will be produced by Craig Zadan and Neil Meron and Sony Pictures TV… Kenny Leon, who directed the 2008 ABC movie A Raisin In The Sun, is attached to direct the new Steel Magnolias, which, like the movie, will be set in Louisiana and explore the bond among a group of women in the present day.

The feature boasted an all-star cast of Sally Field, Dolly Parton, Shirley MacLaine, Darryl Hannah, Olympia Dukakis, and Julia Roberts. The goal of the TV movie’s producers is to assemble a similarly high-wattage cast of black actresses. [Deadline]

“Hello, Halle Berry? I’m calling from Lifetime–” *click*
“Hello, Oprah? I’m calling from Lifetime–” *click*
“Hello, Angela Basset? Would you be interested in a Lifetime orig–” *click*
“Hello, Jada Pinkett Smith? We’re remaking Steel Magnolias at Lifetime–” *click*
“Hello, Gabrielle Union? Would you be interested in joining the cast of Lifetime’s Steel Magnolias project? Right now the cast is Whoopi Goldberg and Shannen Doherty in blackface.”

You’ve seen him win a Teen Choice Award and jump out of the back of a car completely naked to attack someone’s face with his weird looking little armpit crotch (sadly, not on the same show), so does the image of Ken Jeong painted jet black offend or surprise you?

Tomorrow night’s episode of “Community” deals with Dungeons & Dragons, but it also deals with the very touchy subject of hilarious television blackface.  It was pretty funny when Our Gang did it.  Since then, not so much.  Ben Chang is obviously a lunatic and painting himself like a Drow from D&D and not pulling a Roger Sterling, but Shirley makes a joke about it being a hate crime in the commercial, so what’re you gonna do.  If you don’t know what a Drow is, they’re like the Viera from Final Fantasy Tactics without the bunny ears.  Also, I have no idea what Final Fantasy or Dungeons & Dragons are.

For more Community-related D&D dorkery, head back to November, when Matt posted an amazingly accurate Community Alignment.  Or don’t, and look slightly below these words.

(click to enlarge, full size here)

Earlier this season, “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” aired an episode in which the gang makes Lethal Weapon 5, with Mac (Rob McElhenny) playing Murtaugh in blackface. And now the feat has been replicated on the BBC 3′s “How Not to Live Your Life.” The video is below, and I have to say, it’s pretty good. True to typical differences in British and American humor, the “Sunny” version is crazier and more off-the-wall, while “Life’s” is drier and more deadpan.

As popular as blackface may become on TV (who can forget Roger Sterling in blackface on “Mad Men”?), I feel compelled to point out that it still doesn’t work real life. I once went to a random Halloween party where I saw a white guy in blackface and a Michael Vick costume (it was when the dogfighting charges were in the news), and no one would even make eye contact with him. He may as well have worn a T-shirt that said “I HATE BLACK PEOPLE.”

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Last night, “It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia” paid off on a gag they set up earlier in the season by showing us the gang’s unbelievably low-budget version of Lethal Weapon 5.  Without hyperbole, I would describe it as one of the most amazing films in the history of cameras.  A few highlights:

• At the outset, Mac is playing Riggs and Dennis is playing Murtaugh.  Inexplicably, halfway through the movie, they switch roles.
• When they do, Mac portrays Murtaugh in blackface and Dennis does the most fantastic Australian accent ever heard.
• Frank plays the villain, a shark-obsessed somebody or other.  He has a sensual love scene that turns a little too sensual.  If you ever wondered what Danny Devito’s O-face looked like (and really, who hasn’t?), look no further.
• Guns fired into the air during a storm.
• Charlie playing multiple characters, often in luxurious wigs.
• Hood slides.

I can’t stress enough to you how badly I want this to be a real, full-length feature film.  People have crapped on “Sunny” this year for not being as strong as seasons past, but if you didn’t like last night’s episode, we can’t be friends.

America’s Next Top Model (CW) — The models do a shoot where they’re made to look biracial. And in this case, “biracial” means “make a white person African.” I guess it’s not blackface if you paint the whole body. (See gallery at Jezebel.)

World Series (Fox) — Game 1: Phillies at Yankees. Looks like it’s done raining in New York, so there’s an outside chance this series ends before mid-November. But don’t worry: Joe Buck and Tim McCarver will make it feel MUCH longer.

Modern Family (ABC) –Nothing to say. Just mad love.

Friday Night Lights (DirecTV) — Season premiere. Coach Taylor’s now working over at East Dillon. Pretty sad that you can be in the anus of west Texas, and there’s still a bad side of town.

Top Chef (Bravo) — Natalie Portman is the guest judge, which would be all kinds of awesome if not for the fact that you just KNOW she’s going to impose her veganism on the chefs’ cooking requirements. By the way, that is NOT a spoiler. It’s just my guess. I could be wrong.

South Park (Comedy Central) — This is the episode I talked about yesterday with all the Japanese dolphin-killing. Do you know why the Japanese kill dolphins? Jealousy. Dolphins are the perverts of the seas. They rape octopi with their own tentacles.