I’ve spent all morning trying to figure out a way to write about Argentina’s “Dancing With the Stars” routine in which a woman got completely naked and had wine poured all over her breasts and my God it was amazing I’ve had lap dances that weren’t as sexy, but there’s just no way to do it. So I’ll give you the next best thing: Gisele in a series of Brazilian lingerie ads. She says that women should wear sexy lingerie to deliver bad news. I’ve taken that message to heart by writing this apologetic blog post in my underwear.

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The only Portuguese I know is “Que linda!,” which I learned by osmosis while scrolling through F Yeah Brazilian Girls (NSFW). But I don’t need to speak Portuguese to understand this clip of a horse taking a dump on a children’s show on Brazilian network SBT. The high-pitched wave of shock and titillation that results from a stream of horse turds is the same across all tongues. Some people say that love is the international language; I say it’s horsesh*t.

(VIA; thanks for the tip, RoboPanda!)

Because I’m a stereotypically uncultured American, I don’t speak a word of Portuguese (it sounds kinda like Japanese to me), but that doesn’t take anything away from this Brazilian news clip, in which a reporter interviews a policewoman who’s perfectly poised on camera — until she finishes her response. The dramatic crash of her face is a pure delight. This is by far and away the best Brazilian video without almost-nude, thong-wearing women that I’ve ever seen.

NOTE:  This is also the first Brazilian video without almost-nude, thong-wearing women that I have ever seen.

[BuzzFeed]

Pictured here is a rare but TOTALLY AWESOME fire tornado that happened in Brazil, where a severe drought has dropped the humidity levels to those of the Sahara Desert. And no, before you ask, it didn’t smite any enemies of the Israelites.

Watch the ITV news report below, and check out the charming GIF that RoboPanda made for it over at Gamma Squad. There’s also this soundless video of the footage, which you can pair with the music of your choice over at YouTube Doubler. I think it goes nicely with Social Distortion’s cover of “Ring of Fire.”

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This video has been making the rounds today, and why SHOULDN’T it? It’s an eight-year-old Brazilian girl singing and gyrating to Lady Gaga’s sex anthem “Bad Romance” on the talent show “Qual é o seu Talento?”.  I mean, if I’ve learned anything about the Internet, it’s that stories about Brazilian girls get lots of traffic.

Reached for comment about American broadcast rights, TLC said, “No thanks, that broad is way too old.”