2010 Miss Universe Pageant (NBC) — Bret Michaels is co-hosting. Man, I’d love for this to be some gigantic hoax where women who think they’re Miss Universe contestants have to go through “Rock of Love”-style challenges. “All right, you ladies all look pretty classy, but I like a Miss Universe who knows how to move SEXY.” *stripper poles descend from ceiling*

If God Is Willing and Da Creek Don’t Rise (HBO) — Spike Lee’s follow-up to 2006′s “When the Levees Broke” looks at New Orleans five years after Hurricane Katrina. Spoiler: the Saints’ Super Bowl victory apparently didn’t rebuild any infrastructure.

The Big C (Showtime) — My roommate watched this last week. I asked him how he liked it. He thought about it for a couple seconds, then said shrugged and said, “Eh.” But I guess Laura Linney showed her boobs a lot.

Real Housewives of New Jersey (Bravo) — Season finale. Die, bitches.

Dating in the Dark (ABC) — Dammit, I forgot to DVR this AGAIN last week. You know, sometimes I get the feeling I don’t even care about TV all that much.

Hard Times of RJ Berger (MTV) — Rj has to decide between keeping a promise to a fat girl or hooking up with the beautiful girl of his dreams. I hate that TV trope. There’s no such thing as a promise to a fat girl.

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This may be hard to believe, but there was actually a television finale last night that wasn’t about plane crash survivors on a magical island. Over on NBC, Bret Michaels faced off against Holly Robinson Peete in the “Celebrity Apprentice” finale, with Michaels winning largely on sympathy thanks to the brain hemorrhage and stroke he suffered in the last month. Some guys have all the luck.

Despite all odds, Michaels managed to appear during tonight’s live two-hour finale, and received a standing ovation when he entered the boardroom. Even Peete was moved to tears, and seemed well-aware that Michaels was the odds-on favorite heading into tonight’s decision. At one point, she quipped that even her 5-year-old son was now rooting for him. “Mom, I love you, but I’m kind of pulling for Bret,” he had said to her that morning. [TV Squad]

As depicted in the banner image, a medical team was on hand for the live show. Fortunately, nothing happened and the medical team wasn’t needed. Fortunately for Michaels, I mean. It would have been awesome for NBC. Nothing spices up a live broadcast like someone dying on-air. Or so I would imagine. *crosses fingers and hopes for dystopian future with “Running Man” on Fox*

Bret Michaels, the reality TV star who was once famous for something else — performing magic tricks, maybe? — was readmitted to the hospital just weeks after suffering a brain hemorrhage (and that was just weeks after suffering complications from an appendectomy).

The rocker, 47 — who is still recovering from a brain hemorrhage — was “readmitted to the hospital this week after suffering numbness on the left side of his body, predominately his face and hands,” according to a statement posted on his site.

While undergoing tests — including an MRI and CT scan — doctors also discovered he has a hole in his heart. [Us]

Doctors also discovered that the hole in his heart CAN ONLY BE FILLED BY YOU…

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Reality TV star Bret Michaels suffered a major brain hemorrhage late last week and remains in the intensive care unit of an undisclosed hospital. Earlier this month, Michaels’s appendectomy was complicated by his diabetes, and his history of head trauma includes an attack from a descending set piece at last year’s Tony Awards.

According to a note posted on the singer’s Web site and Facebook page on Monday morning (April 26), the 47-year-old rocker “remains in ICU under 24-hour surveillance. Further testing this week will help locate the source of the bleeding.” The singer is reportedly suffering from slurred speech, blurred vision and dizziness as a result of the hemorrhage. Michaels was rushed to the hospital late Thursday evening, where doctors discovered he had suffered a subarachnoid hemorrhage, or bleeding at the base of his brain stem…

“After several CAT scans, MRIs and an angiogram, [doctors] decided to keep Michaels in the ICU and are running several tests to determine the cause [of the hemorrhage],” a source told People magazine, in a report that Michaels’ rep said was accurate. “[It] will be touch and go for the next few days while he is under intense observation.” [MTV]

You can read more details about Michaels’s condition here, and there’s a possibility that the bleeding comes from a condition known as AVM, which the character Nate from “Six Feet Under” suffered from (AVM has also appeared on “House” and “HawthoRNe” — thanks, Wikipedia!). I’m not a doctor, but… bleeding in the brain is bad, right? It seems like it would be bad.

It was just four days ago that we lived and re-lived and re-lived some more the majesty of watching “Rock of Love” star Bret Michaels get dropped by a descending set piece at the Tony Awards.  Since then, someone involved with the Tonys released a statement saying that Michaels “missed his mark,” leading Michaels’s publicist to fire back that Michaels had never been informed that there would be marauding backdrops targeting his face.  Pretty dull stuff, so I didn’t cover it.

Now Michaels has posted these pictures on his MySpace page, and my first reaction to these images was “Wow, I had no idea that someone besides teenagers and pedophiles used MySpace.”  Unless… Bret Michaels is a pedophile???? Nah, those girls are too young to have breast implants.  And tattoos.  And herpes.