Battle Shots. Ah, college: the only place where you can co-opt a board game so that you can competitively do shots of Seagram’s gin in pajama pants. [The Clearly Dope]

Eight Badass Veterans You’ve (Probably) Never Heard Of. In case you missed it yesterday, here’s my Veterans Day feature. [UPROXX]

This Week in Drug News. Burnsy wonders if struggling drug dealers need a bailout. [UPROXX News]

Don’t worry, Nic Cage still looks ridiculous. The Season of the Witch trailer has all the Nic-Cage-in-silly-costumes you could possibly hope for. [FilmDrunk]

Mom? Sexy Jacksonville fan gets Jaguars players to sign her body, which she then has tattooed onto her. Classy lady. [With Leather]

Michael Bay approves. Transformers toy in other countries get awesomely offensive names. [Gamma Squad]

There’s lots of stuff I haven’t been able to cover over the last couple of days, so here’s your TV news roundup with video and animated GIF images:

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So, this happened last night. Bristol Palin and her partner Mark Ballas danced the jive to “Hey Hey We’re the Monkees” while wearing gorilla suits on “Dancing with the Stars.” And before you point out that gorillas are apes, not monkeys: don’t bother. That’s adding a layer of intellect and analysis that this doesn’t at all deserve.

But I will give “Dancing with the Stars” a tiny amount of credit: this is so unrepentantly hokey and stupid that it’s almost clever. I mean, making the daughter of a controversial political figure dance around in a gorilla suit is almost humiliating and degrading enough to be brilliant. The missing element it needs to elevate it to artistic perfection is Nicolas Cage in a bear suit running onto the stage and punching Bristol in the face.

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The new “Dancing with the Stars” cast will be announced on Monday night, which means I’ll probably have to write about it on Tuesday. But Bristol Palin’s name leaked yesterday, and everyone’s talking about it, so I should mention it, too.

So, yes: Bristol Palin, the dim-witted spawn of the dim-witted vice-presidential candidate, will be on ABC’s biggest reality competition. Other rumored cast members are Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino from “Jersey Shore,” David Hasselhoff, Audrina Patridge, and Brandy. Brandy? Brandy who? Oh, you mean “Moesha”? I’m sorry, but you need to stay famous if you want to keep going by one name.

Anyway, you can read all about it somewhere else. If anyone needs me, I’ll be over here making this dismissive wanking motion.

Here’s Bristol Palin’s acting debut on “The Secret Life of the American Teenager.” My one-word review: WOOF. Usually, the only places you can see a hot teenage girl with such a lifeless expression are really good strip clubs.

Hey Bristol, don’t pursue acting, honey. Stick to what you do best. Whatever that is. Unprotected premarital sex, I suppose.

[via THR]

This is Bristol Palin’s PSA for the Candie’s Foundation in which she acknowledges that being a teenage mother is, like, difficult and unglamorous if your family isn’t wealthy and supportive. The tag line is “Pause before you play,” which is a euphemistic way of saying “Think before you f*ck,” I suppose.

I feel for Bristol. She was in a tough spot. Plenty of teenage girls sleep with dudes way dumber than Levi Johnston. In a way, she had it tougher: if you’re a pregnant teenage girl and your mother isn’t a conservative “pro-family” standard-bearer in a national election, you can totally get an abortion. Isn’t that right, Ashley? It’s either Planned Parenthood or the stairs, honey. Take your pick.

[Gawker]