Caprica (Syfy) — Season 2 premiere (EDIT: It’s the continuation of Season 1. Whatever). I’m not a huge proponent of basic cable sci-fi prequels to of remakes, but damned if that Alessandra Torresani isn’t the sexiest little hipster. Watch a preview clip below.

Dancing with the Stars (ABC) — Someone gets voted off. My guess is someone chubby and Asian and unfunny.

Glee (Fox) — I don’t know about tonight’s episode, but the latest word is that the show will tackle the recent hot-button issue of gay suicide. It will be the first time “Glee” has addressed real-life problems since the fake pregnancy arc from last year. Watch out, fellas: don’t let your wife fake her pregnancy.

30 for 30 (ESPN) — “Four Days in October,” about the Boston Red Sox’s historic comeback in the 2004 ALCS. Ah, those were heady days — back when we felt something called “compassion” for Boston fans.

Running Wilde (Fox) — Dammit, I keep forgetting to DVR this show because I always think it’s on Wednesdays. Tonight’s the night I finally fix that. I’m sorry, Will Arnett and Mitch Hurwitz.

Sextuplets Take New York (TLC) — Season finale. Once — just once — I want a reality show about babies to have the balls of “Sons of Anarchy” (also on tonight, btw) and finish the season with a kidnapping. THAT’S GOOD TELEVISION!

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“Caprica” is Syfy’s “Battlestar Galactica” prequel that has a small but loyal following, and this is the trailer that debuted at Comic-Con for what’s being called “Season 1.5.” Why is it being called Season 1.5? you ask. I could probably find out, but I don’t really care. It’s the sort of things that regular TV-watchers would be put off by, but sci-fi geeks have no problem saying things like, “I’m really excited for Season One and a Half.” What can I say, nerds love fractions.

Anyway, the first minute or so of the trailer was astoundingly dull to me, but then we got a little more of Eric Stoltz — who’s always watchable — plus more action, Cylons, and hot-ass hipster pygmy Alessandra Torresani. I don’t like to make assumptions about people I’ve never met, but she seems like the kind of girl who can shoot a ping-pong ball out of her vagina. Perhaps that’s just wishful thinking. “You can saaaaay I’m a dreamer / But I’m not the only one…”

(Images 2-5 are high-res. To view them full-size, click the thumbnail, then right-click the image and select the appropriate viewing option.)

Because I’m one of the cool people who got over “Battlestar Galactica” in 2007, I haven’t given much thought to Syfy’s prequel, “Caprica.” But given the video below, in which series star Alessandra Torresani licks a metaphorically placed lollipop, my feelings are leaning towards maybe giving the show a chance. My feelings are also leaning against my underwear at the moment.

Anyway, this reminds me of a burlesque show I went to once. Most of the performances were more cute than sexy — lots of tassels, with the occasional act that went topless at the end of a song. Then the final chick came on stage, and she broke out two of the long-ass lollipops like these, and BOOM! Fully nude vaginal insertion with candy. Talk about an awkward first date. In retrospect, I guess I shouldn’t have told the girl that she “should be more like her.”

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Tennis of the future: like modern tennis, but with way more triangles

Sci Fi/SyFy will bilk the cash cow of “Battlestar Galactica” with the prequel series “Caprica,” about life on the doomed titular planet 50 years before the cylons blow everybody up.  Even though the series debuts in 2010, the feature-length pilot will be available on DVD April 21st, because nerds don’t have anything better to spend money on.

In order to gain some word-of-mouth momentum, Sci Fi has released seven brief clips of the pilot.  That’s right, you can whet your appetite for this series by watching Eric Stoltz play future-tennis and engage in gripping dialog like this (video after the jump):

Her: Out!
Him: What!?
Her: It was as out as can be!
Him: [laughs dismissively]
Her: Do we need to turn on the line sensors?
Him: That’s exactly what we’re going to do, cheater girl!
Her: Don’t go all immature on me just ’cause you know I’m better than you.
Him: What’s that, cheater?  I can’t hear you, cheater.

I give this four dismissive wanks (out of five) and two bonus eye-rolls.

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