Here are three TV news whippits to get your morning rolling:

First up, J.J. Abrams’ childhood pal, Greg Grunberg (“Felicity,” “Heroes,” “Lost”) has landed a new pilot, and it’s certainly not one that warrants placement on the 15 Most Promising Shows of the Pilot Season. According to Deadline, the show is called “Oh F*ck, It’s You,” and before you get excited about a show with a profanity in its title, know this: It’s on CBS, the same network that turned an amusing Twitter feed into the embarrassment that was “$*&T My Dad Says.” Worse still, the show comes from Greg Berlanti, who you may know as the guy behind three extraordinarily crappy shows: “No Ordinary Family,” “Brothers and Sisters,” and “Eli Stone.” He also wrote Ryan Reynolds’ Green Lantern movie, a green-pus filled blight on the comic-book movie genre. Seriously, that movie was radioactive swamp ass. Anyway, the pilot idea sounds as stupid as you’d expect from a schmuck like Greg Berlanti:

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Outside of the fact that they both recorded songs called “Hot Mess,” nothing. Until now. Deadline reports that Ashley Tisdale, best known as one of Disney’s dancing puppets in the “High School Musical” series, has been cast as the lead in Louis C.K./Spike Feresten’s CBS sitcom about an “ensemble of young people trying to achieve their creative dreams in these tough financial times.”

Tisdale will play Petra, the beautiful and sarcastic assistant to a vintage clothing designer struggling to carve out her niche in New York. Louis C.K. and Spike Feresten wrote the pilot, an update of a script the two originally penned 13 years ago. (Deadline)

A week ago, I would have laughed off the idea of Ashley Tisdale starring in Louis C.K.’s CBS sitcom (that feels weird to write), dismissing it as an elaborate joke staged by a jaded “Hellcats” fan. But after watching last week’s excellent “Raising Hope,” my opinion of the actress has slightly changed — she had good comedic timing and showed impressive range as a theater nerd who kept slipping in and out of character. That being said, if this show is eventually titled “The Devil Wears Petra,” I’m DONE.

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In news many on the Internet are calling “OMGZOMG YOU GUYS EPIC LOL,” CBS has ordered a pilot from Louis C.K. and former “Seinfeld” and “Space Ghost” writer Spike Ferensten. Deadline has the details:

CBS’s has greenlighted to pilot an untitled multi-camera comedy written by Louis CK and Spike Feresten, about an ensemble of young people trying to achieve their creative dreams in these tough financial times. The pickup caps a remarkable comeback for the project 13 years ago after it was first written. At the time, Louie was a standup comedian and Feresten was a writer on Seinfeld.

CBS gets a lot of crap for their formulaic, laugh track heavy “Hey look some schlub married a pretty lady and/or let’s just list some stereotypes for a while” half-hour comedies, but given what we know about Louis C.K., I don’t think it’s unreasonable to assume this show will escape that mold. Between his deal with FX granting him full control over “Louie,” and his middle-man free distribution model for his latest stand-up special, he’s clearly someone who values autonomy and a quality product more than he does just cashing checks. I fully support the proliferation of entertainment created by him, regardless of the network it airs on. He’s earned the benefit of the doubt in that regard.

With that in mind, if CBS screws this up, I will scream.

I have no idea who any of these people are.

We’re back to a regular schedule tomorrow. Hopefully there will finally be some TV news, or else I might have to resort to paying some of you to TP the Kardashian’s house just so I have something to write about.

WWE Monday Night Raw (USA) – I’m not usually that into the whole fake wrestling thing, but this gets lead billing tonight for two reasons: 1) Our Uproxx compadres at With Leather are running an open discussion thread for tonight’s episode, so if you’re watching, you should head over there to check it out, and; 2) As that link explains, Dennis Haskins (Mr. Belding from “Saved by the Bell”) has expressed an interest in being Raw’s General Manager, and that is VERY relevant to my interests. After all, someone needs to figure out what is going on there.

The Bachelor (ABC) — Season premiere. The new Bachelor, Ben Flajnik, went to the University of Arizona, owns a winery, dated Jennifer Love Hewitt, sings in a tribute band, and is nicknamed “Storm Horse.” He is, quite possibly, the world’s biggest douche.

How I Met Your Mother/2 Broke Girls/Mike & Molly/Two and a Half Men/Hawaii Five-0 (CBS) – CBS’s whole Monday night lineup is back. With the exception of HIMYM, I can’t think of anything I’d rather watch less.

Who’s Still Standing/Fear Factor (NBC) – I stand corrected.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (Bravo) – From TV Guide: “Taylor grapples with marital hardship as the other ladies fly to Hawaii for a sun-and-fun getaway. But there’s a nasty Hawaiian punch when Kim misses her flight. Worse, she misses her second flight as well.” This is a television show. A rich woman missing her flight, twice. Think hard about that.

Pawn Stars (History) – Through a series of events I do not understand and therefore am completely incapable of explaining, this has become one of the shows I watch on a regular basis. I never knew I had so many strongly held beliefs about how much one should pay for suits of armor and possibly fake historical documents, but I do. OH, I DO.

The Layover (Travel) – As far as I can tell, this show — where Anthony Bourdain goes to all the bars and restaurants in a city he can during a 24-hour layover — is about a very wealthy man who has very large bowel movements on airplanes.

LATE NIGHT GUESTS: Everyone is in reruns except Ferguson, and his lead guest is Tim Meadows. Get some sleep.

To honor the 70th anniversary of the attacks on Pearl Harbor, a group of 24 World War II veterans associated with a Denver-based group called The Greatest Generation Foundation went to Hawaii recently to pay their respects. Unfortunately, the ceremony they tried to hold at the National Memorial Cemetery of the Pacific was repeatedly interrupted by a crew filming CBS’s updated version of “Hawaii Five-0.” The crew apparently traipsed around the cemetery, did not pay their respects when “The Star-Spangled Banner” was played, and at one point even shushed the group of veterans. So, the group did what millions of intelligent TV viewers have wanted to do for years, and gave CBS the finger.

The obscene gesture was delivered in unison from a bus as they were leaving, and left them all in stitches of laughter.

Mr Tubbs said: ‘This was immature of me, but I said, “Gentlemen, if you so choose, how about we give them one big one-fingered military salute?”’

The last thing the production crew saw, he said, was a bunch of 90-year-old men flipping the bird at them. ‘It was one of the priceless moments of my life.’ [Daily Mail]

Dear Lord, that is fantastic. I hope they swing by the set of “Two and a Half Men” next.