“Charlie’s Angels” has performed so poorly for ABC that the show has already gone for the 21st century version of jumping the shark: the lesbian kiss. Just yesterday, Minka Kelly and Rachael Taylor kissed on set, but to no avail — today ABC has shut down production on the series.

A network representative says the show will continue to air on Thursdays, filling the 8 p.m. slot with an unknown number of episodes (four of the show’s eight shot episodes have aired). Last night’s hour showed some ratings growth for the first time, climbing a tenth of a point to 6 million viewers and a 1.3 adults 18-49 rating. But it wasn’t enough to reverse the show’s fate.

Well, yeah. Of course the remaining episodes are going to air. You don’t film Minka Kelly kissing a chick and then NOT air it. That wouldn’t be just bad business, it’s totally not cool, bro.

Six more weeks on the restraining order if she sees your shadow.

Before we get to a story about Minka Kelly getting sexually harassed on the set of “Charlie’s Angels,” keep in mind that this story comes from Radar via Star Magazine. We may as well be getting news from a class of 4th graders playing Telephone. With that caveat aside, a “Charlie’s Angels” crew member totally got fired for groping Minka Kelly.

The staffer came up behind the 31-year-old actress and slapped her across the rear end while holding a $100 bill in his hand on August 23, an insider tells Star.

“It seems like it was meant to be a joke, but clearly it was inappropriate. Minka was shocked and absolutely irate,” the on-set source reveals. “She was still fuming about it hours later.”

When the crew member tried to apologize to Minka the next day, the ex-girlfriend of Yankees star Derek Jeter slapped him in the face. Television executives had him removed from the production the next day, Star has learned. [Radar]

Aw, that’s not even a GOOD groping. If you’re gonna lose your job groping Minka Kelly, get your money’s worth, man. Give her the full Schwarzenegger, you know?

MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE OUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUT

Like Fox and NBC yesterday, ABC unveiled its new fall schedule this morning, revealing a total of 13 new shows (seven in the fall, six more at midseason). Highlights include:

• “Cougar Town” is being held until midseason, where it will move to Tuesdays and help fill the gap between “Dancing with the Stars” seasons. “Happy Endings” will take the post-”Modern Family” slot on Wednesdays.
• Some of the new shows that garnered the most buzz — “Apartment 23″ and “Good Christian Belles,” for example — are also being held until midseason.
• HottieWatch 2011: Minka Kelly in “Charlie’s Angels” will air on Thursdays before “Grey’s Anatomy”; Christina Ricci’s “Pan Am” will follow “Desperate Housewives” on Sundays.
• Tim Allen’s new sitcom, “Last Man Standing,” opens up a new Tuesday comedy block targeted towards male audiences.
• In a surprising move, ABC neglected to give a series order to “Single Female Lawyer.”

The full schedule is below. You can check out detailed synopses of the new shows here (scroll down to see them), if reading PR blurbs about TV shows you’re not going to watch four months from now is your thing.

Read the rest of this entry »

Safety first!

Okay, now that Fox has canceled a bunch of its shows and NBC’s fall lineup is starting to solidify, it’s time to get the update for ABC’s stack of pilots. The Disney-owned network has picked up several pilots, including the faaaaaabuluth “Charlie’s Angels” remake and “Pan Am,” the ’60s-era series that will star Christina Ricci as a fine-ass Beatnik stewardess. Other pickups include:

• Untitled Tim Allen sitcom co-starring Nancy Travis. “The project centers on the former Home Improvement star, who is fighting for his manhood in a world increasingly dominated by women.” [THR]
• “Apartment 23.” A single-camera comedy about a Midwestern girl who moves to New York City and ends up with a lousy roommate. James Van Der Beek co-stars as himself; the pilot has tested well and generated nothing but positive buzz.
• “Good Christian Bitches.” A soap that will get retitled “Good Christian Belles,” starring Leslie Bibb, Kristen Chenoweth, and Annie Potts.

Vulture has a couple more, but I want to get to the fun part: the canceled shows!

• “V”
• “Brothers and Sisters”
• “Off the Map”
• “No Ordinary Family”
• “Detroit 1-8-7″

“Mr. Sunshine,” which got solid ratings following “Modern Family” and was generally well-received, has also been canceled, with star Matthew Perry headed back to rehab. Good luck, Matthew! Prescription pills can be a tough habit to break. So if you have any extra Vicodin or Oxycontin or whatever, I’d be happy to get rid of them for you. I’ll just flush them. Down my throat. With scotch.

This is perhaps the thinnest scrap of Hollywood news I’ve ever written about, but look! ABC released a new production photo of the “Charlie’s Angels” remake that will star Annie Ilonzeh, Rachael Taylor, and Minka Kelly — henceforth known to the American public as the black one, the blonde one, and Minka Kelly.

And would you just look at that team of sassy crime fighters? Holding hands and laughing, like they’re just coming from brunch and headed out for a long day of shopping before they thwart a terrorist plot at a black-tie dinner party. “Girlfriend, I gotta get a manicure! I ain’t disarmin’ a pipe bomb with this chipped polish!” “Right on, sister!” “You go girl!”

Click for full size:

[via Inside TV]