You might think that headline is an exaggeration, but I swear to you — on the eyes on my unborn children — that it is not. This video of a man whistling “Georgia On My Mind” on some sort of talk show, unearthed by Videogum our own Brandon Stroud at With Leather, has everything: Man with a mullet – check. Man with a mullet and a luxurious mustache – check. Man with a mullet, a luxurious mustache, and an oddball talent that results in him making ridiculous faces on live television – check. … Hmm. Now that I look over that list, perhaps you and I have a different definition of “everything.”

But even if a hilariously dated video of a mustachioed man making pained faces while whistling a Ray Charles song isn’t your thing (you monster), you still must watch this video for the reaction shots. Especially the children. Oh dear Lord, the children. Thanks to their youthful innocence and lack of fully-developed social skills, they make some of the most terrific perplexed/horrified faces you will ever see. Please especially note the boys at the 0:40 and 0:50 marks whose brains are about to melt and leak out their ears, and the young lady at the 1:04 mark (pictured at right) who manages to sum up the whole video in less than three seconds of screen time. She and this video are truly American treasures.

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Strike Back (Cinemax, Friday) – I read a review of this show a while back that said it was like “24″ with nudity and more explosions. WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT?!

Comedy Central Presents: Donald Glover (Comedy Central, Friday) – I love Donald Glover’s standup, I love him on “Community,” hell, I even like his rapping. But I can’t shake the feeling that if I met and hung out with him in real life, we wouldn’t get along at all. I’m not too sure why. Probably has something to do with me being a jealous hater all the time. Maybe. I mean, we can’t rule it out.

Thumbs (MTV, Friday) – A show following competitive texters at the 2010 World Texting Championship. Competitive texters? Whatthewhonow?! Holy crap. I am 1 million years old.

Torchwood (Starz, Friday) – Every time I do the Weekend Preview, I see this show sitting there in the guide, like I’m supposed to do something about it. Sorry bub, I have “Matlock” reruns to watch. … Whatever. Like you’re so great.

True Blood/Curb Your Enthusiasm/Entourage (HBO, Sunday) – HBO should market their Sunday night lineup as “Dicks and Boobs.”

Breaking Bad (AMC, Sunday) – I miss “Mad Men.”

Big Easy Brides (WE, Sunday) – This show… I do not think it means what you think it means. Although I would watch a show about overweight, promiscuous brides, if only to try to get inside the minds of those grooms.

After the jump, two cool commercials I didn’t have room to post today.

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Until today, I had no knowledge of the 1980s childrens program “Zoobilee Zoo” that lived on in syndication throughout the ’90s. But this video of clips compiled by Rich at fourfour is enough to make me never want to have kids. Or if I do have kids, I’d rather raise them outside in Bangladesh than anywhere near a TV that might play something like this.

I beg you: watch this entire video. The first minute and a half is standard annoying kids TV crap: people in creepy animal suits singing songs about not getting in strangers’ cars. But around the 1:40 mark, it hits a new plane of terrible that I’ve never seen — not even in saccharine dreck like “Barney” or “Teletubbies.” I hate it so much that I love it. It’s so bad that it’s sublime. Or maybe it’s just so bad that it’s making me write things that make no sense.

This is why my children will never go into show business. I’m not saying I’m going to be the world’s greatest dad or anything, but I’m sure as hell not going to let some creepy hippie dude in mom jeans and a rooster with dredlocks pretend to teach my kids yoga on a fake farm as an excuse to feel them up. That’s what college is for.

[via Hot Hot Japan Hot | NOTE: I thought I posted this video last summer, but I couldn't find it in the archives, so here you go.]

Laugh if you want, but he’s listening to your thoughts.

As if Brazil kicking the salami out of the hated Italian soccer team yesterday wasn’t awesome enough, the game included what was possibly the greatest shot of a fan on the sideline since Jenn Sterger’s career got launched.  Welcome to Internet stardom, Ice Cream Kid.  In another couple of years, Daniel Tosh will give you the chance to eat an ice cream bar without smearing it all over your face.  Until then, may you live on in our laughing, joyous hearts.

There’s video after the jump, but I prefer the looped .gif file.  Because I never want the ice cream-smearing to stop.

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