China’s government is upset with the way television is “fueling more independent viewpoints” and has ordered “overly entertaining” shows off the air by next year. Well, at least they’ll still get CBS. From the AP:

The order from the State Administration of Radio, Film and Television refers to shows that are vulgar or “overly entertaining.” It singles out programs dealing with marital troubles and matchmaking, talent shows, game shows, variety shows, talk shows and reality programming.

I don’t say this too often, but man: way to go, Chinese Communist Party.

Such shows must be largely phased out by the beginning of next year by the country’s 34 satellite TV stations, to be replaced with news and cultural programming. The order also bans viewership surveys and the use of ratings as the sole criteria for whether to broadcast a particular show…

The crackdown coincides with a bout of national hand-wringing over a lack of public ethics, highlighted by the death last week of a toddler who was struck by a vehicle and left for dead by passersby.

That story doesn’t surprise me in the least. I just hope those “public ethics” make it to Chinatown. “You ever ride public transportation with the Chinese? They’re goddamn animals,” is what a racist person might say.

In case you’d forgotten that China is run by an insane and oppressive communist regime, Chinese television censors issued a decree against TV dramas in which characters travel back in time, claiming that such series promote “feudalism” and “superstition.” So relax, geeks: China won’t be adapting “Doctor Who” any time soon.

In a statement (available here in Chinese) dated March 31, the State Administration for Radio, Film & Television said that TV dramas that involve characters traveling back in time “lack positive thoughts and meaning.” The guidelines discouraging this type of show said that some “casually make up myths, have monstrous and weird plots, use absurd tactics, and even promote feudalism, superstition, fatalism and reincarnation.”

The guidelines, which fell short of an outright ban of such dramas, seem to have come in response to a series of popular programs about protagonists drifting back to ancient times. For instance, in “Palace,” one of China’s hottest TV series, a woman falls in love with a Qing dynasty painting, travels back in time and then falls in love with several princes. [What a slut. -Ed.] [NYT ArtsBeat]

Reached for comment as he materialized on a horse next to Genghis Khan, Scott Bakula said, “Oh boy.”

This is Liu Wei on last week’s episode of “China’s Got Talent.” The 23-year-old lost both arms at the age of ten when he touched a high-voltage wire while playing hide-and-seek. I mean, he didn’t lose his arms — they were amputated. It’s not like he was playing hide-and-seek and forgot where he put them. “Damn, where’d I leave my arms?”

Anyway, after a year of learning musical theory, Wei taught himself to play the piano. With his feet.

“For people like me, there were only two options. One was to abandon all dreams, which would lead to a quick, hopeless death; the other was to struggle without arms to live an outstanding life.”

“I don’t know why people always believe my life is so painful because I don’t have arms,” Liu said. “I am a happy man living a colorful life, just like other young people.” [Shanghai Daily via Gawker]

Wow, his outlook on life is incredible. If I lost both arms, I’d spend the next 13 years trying to masturbate with my feet.

Today in foreign awesomeness, Taiwanese news service NMA has recreated the Al Gore sex allegations using the power of computer animation (much as it did with the Tiger Woods accident).

Now, if you’re anything like me, you have ripped abs and never bothered reading any of the news stories about Gore’s sex allegations. From the snippets I caught on Twitter, I gathered that it happened in Oregon and had something to do with a poodle. So given my near-total ignorance on the subject, this video in a language I don’t understand is actually quite enlightening. Gore got a massage, wanted a happy ending, tried a little daggering, and then, uh… talked about George Bush and Pink? I dunno, the bottom line is that it ended just the way sex usually does: with lots of tears and hurt feelings.

[BuzzFeed]

Lin Yu Chun, the young Taiwanese man who sings like Whitney Houston, dances like Michael Jackson, and dresses like Ellen Degeneres, has inked a record deal with Sony. The 24-year-old who achieved Internet fame after appearing on the Taiwanese version of “American Idol” will release an album of Chinese and English songs in July.

He told the AP recently that the show gave him “more confidence” to pursue a music career, in spite of his unconventional appearance. “You don’t have to be a good-looking man or woman to succeed,” he said. “Just be yourself and try your best.”

Lin has said he suffered from a lack of self-confidence because of his weight. “Being fat draws a lot of mockery in our society,” he said.

To cope with the pain caused by jokes from peers, he locked himself in his room and sang along to songs by Celine Dion and Mariah Carey. But it was Houston’s signature track, from the soundtrack to the 1992 film ‘The Bodyguard,’ that gave him the confidence to keep trekking on.

Um, I hope no one’s following Lin’s example. The point of making fun of fat people is to shame them into losing weight. You’re not supposed to lock yourself in your room and sing show tunes to feel better, you’re supposed to go to the gym and eat healthier. But hey, I guess if fatties are locked in their rooms, at least they’re out of sight.