Lin Yu Chun, AKA Taiwanese Susan Boyle, not only has the singing chops to own Whitney Houston songs, he also dances like Justin Timberlake. And he does it all with a bow tie and bowl cut. He’s like a sitcom character come to life. Seriously, until now I was certain that a sitcom was the only place where a geeky, tubby, Asian kid with hip-hop dance skills who sings soprano could possibly exist. He’s like Urkel, except talented and I don’t want to stab him.

[Neatorama via BuzzFeed]

This tuxedoed Chinese boy with a terrible haircut is Lin Yu Chun, a contestant on China’s “Super Star Avenue,” a reality talent show that offers prizes of money and record deals just like every other talent show.

But what’s not like every other talent show is Lin wailing “I Will Always Love You” like he’s the Chinese love child of Dolly Parton and Whitney Houston (must-watch video below). This kid just owns the song. And I mean that figuratively with literal intent. Like, he should get the Chinese rights to the song and 20% of all international box office sales to The Bodyguard. A kid wearing a tuxedo with a bowl cut hasn’t been this popular since the boy with Down syndrome was the ring bearer at your aunt and uncle’s wedding.

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I can hardly keep up with the developments in the Tiger Woods story, what with the first alleged extramarital floozy denying any illicit connection to Tiger and a new alleged extramarital floozy — one who was on “Tool Academy,” of all shows — popping up in the news today.

What this story desperately needs — even more than sexy pictures of Rachel Uchitel — is a digital hypothetical recreation of last Friday’s lovers’ quarrel that led to the now-famous Cadillac crash. Oh, and I’d like it to be on Chinese television. Internet, make it so:

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I can no more easily tell different kinds of Asian kanji apart than I can types of Asian people, so I’ll have to take the Angry Clam‘s word that this is a Chinese infomercial — not Japanese — advertising a magical bra that increases breast size at the push of a button. Seems like SOME country has spent a little too much time making anime of schoolgirl tentacle rape bukkake and has fallen behind in the creepy bra infomercial race.

I checked with a friend who lived in China (the inimitable Spencer Hall), and he confirmed the authenticity:

We used to watch these ALL THE TIME. They have one for shrinking your vagina. [translating as he watches] At one point they’re just saying BIG! BIGGER! REALLY BIGGER!!!!

Excellent! Oh, and I was kidding about telling different kinds of Asian people apart. You immerse yourself in the industry like I do and eventually you can differentiate a Thai ladyboy from your basic Vietnamese child sex slave from 100 yards. I have that on my resume under “Additional Skills,” I might add.