With the premiere of “Mad Men’s” fifth season just over a month away, the show’s rabid fanbase is starting to wonder what kinds of antics to expect from everyone’s favorite well-dressed drunks. Showrunner Matthew Weiner is notoriously secretive, so details about upcoming episodes almost never leak out. Luckily for us, Jon Hamm is awesome, and he dropped some hints in a recent interview. Potential spoilers ahead:

When asked why Draper has never made a pass at office vixen Joan, played by Christina Hendricks, Hamm responded: “Who says he hasn’t?”

He continued: “The Don/Joan dynamic is something that we do explore, and don’t take this the wrong way, but we do explore as the show goes on.

“They have worked together for a long time, they know one another very well and I’ll leave it at that.” [Radio Times]

OMG DON AND JOAN I HOPE THEY GET MARRIED AND HAVE BABIES AND THEN THE BABIES GET A SPINOFF CALLED “MAD KIDS” AND IT’S ABOUT THEM RUNNING THEIR ELEMENTARY SCHOOL AND WEARING LITTLE SUITS AND DRESSES AND DON JR. HOOKS UP WITH SIXTH GRADERS EVEN THOUGH HE’S ONLY IN THIRD GRADE AND LITTLE JOANIE IS LIKE REGINA FROM MEAN GIRLS BUT COMPETENT AND EVEN MORE RUTHLESS AND I HOPE IT AIRS FOR TEN SEASONS AND ENDS WITH THEM GRADUATING FROM HIGH SCHOOL AND THROWING A BIG PARTY WHERE EVERYONE GETS DRUNK AND BANGS AND THROWS THE DORKS IN THE POOL CLOTHES AND ALL.

[clears throat]

I mean, uh… this sounds like an interesting storyline.

Look: We’re a TV site. We are professionals. We can’t just post unbelievably hot photos of Christina Hendricks because they exist. We need an excuse to cover our asses so it doesn’t look like we’re hit whoring (pssst. We’re totally hit whoring, but it’s for a good cause.). So, here’s some “Mad Men” “news,” which I’m sure you will “read,” because I will elegantly adorn each “news” item with new photos of Christina Hendricks from her photoshoot in Cosmo (wink, wink).

First up, in a recent interview with Matthew Weiner, he cited one of my favorite films of all time, The Apartment, as a major influence on his television series:

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No-nudity clauses have long been a big deal in the film world, but now that nudity restrictions are more lax in the TV world — both on premium cable, basic cable, and even network television — actors who want to remain clothed now find it increasingly necessary to sign detailed no-nudity clauses, so says The NY Post. In fact, when the short-lived “The Playboy Club” debuted last fall, the subject came up because many of the actresses in the show, such as Amber Heard, were asked to waive no-nudity clauses for rebroadcasts on DVD and abroad. Kristen Bell also signed a no-nudity clause for her Showtime comedy “House of Lies,” though she will film in bra and panties, and apparently, allow her toes to be sucked.

With the Supreme Court now hearing arguments about the FCC’s ability to censor nudity on network television, the issue could gain even more attention in the coming years. But from what we know of rumor, innuendo, and statements made in interviews, we can be fairly certain that the following ten television actors and actresses all have various forms of no-nudity clauses. That does not mean, however, that they won’t wear revealing attire. Feel free to compare to the 10 Television Actresses You Were Most Likely to See Naked in 2011, and, FYI, while Alison Brie is not on the record with regard to her willingness to appear naked on television, she’s not shy about sharing details of her college sexual experimentation.

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Rough times for January Jones. Everyone got sick of her as Betty Draper, then everyone hated her acting X-Men: First Class, and then she had a bastard baby with someone from that set. And this video from Jest (formerly Today’s Big Thing) isn’t going to help her out any, since these “Mad Men” scenes are much more enjoyable without her pouting and complaining and generally being a shrill harpy. Although, to Jones’s credit, she does a VERY good job of making Betty Draper unlikable.

Only way this could be improved: instead of merely erasing Betty, they should try replacing her with Joan.

It just makes everyone happier.

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You guys are never going to believe this, but a lot of people who appear on television for a living put on nice clothes to go to the Emmys last night. I’ll let you get to clicking through the pictures in a moment, but here’s a general overlook:

• Before you ask: yes, there are pictures of Christina Hendricks’s mountainous cleavage.
• There will be absolutely no discussion of the cleavage displayed by Ariel Winter (Alex on “Modern Family”). She’s 13. If I’m gonna get arrested for something like that, it’ll be for Chloe Moretz.
• Because I am occasionally not a total chauvinist pervert, I have included pictures of handsome male actors. Props to my lady readers.
• As I log more and more years in the blogging game, I’m less enamored with the “This beautiful actress is ugly” thing that bloggers and commenters like to do. They’re famous actors; I would happily have sex with any of them. Even Melissa McCarthy. Even Peter Dinklage. Even — and this will gross some people out — Gwyneth Paltrow.

All right. Get to clickin’. Those pageviews feed me.

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