Jon Stewart and the team at “The Daily Show” are never better than when they’re mocking the moronic programming on 24-hour news channels. The show has taken a sledgehammer to all of the networks, from the mindless rabble-rousing on “Fox and Friends,” to whatever the hell MSNBC is doing with their schedule (“Tonight on MSNBC, a hard-hitting report by Rachel Maddow on our unsafe, overcrowded prison system. Then at 11 on ‘Lockdown: Violence Prison,’ someone gets shivved! MAYBE IN THE FACE!”). But last night they took it to a new level in a takedown of CNN’s new morning show “Early Start” — specifically, an idiotic segment where the hosts try to prank call celebrities at 5 a.m.

There’s not much I can add to this that isn’t articulated better in the clip. The whole thing is just so awkward and terrible and fantastic. I know Stewart can rub some people wrong way sometimes, but he’s doing the Lord’s work here. A segment this dumb (on a NEWS NETWORK) deserves to be mocked in the harshest manner possible, if only because you can’t physically grab a television show by the collar and scream right into its face like it’s an unruly drunk. Something to work on, scientists.

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L to R: White guy, white guy, white lady, white guy, white guy, white lady, white guy

I don’t have much of a tolerance for political coverage on cable news. If I wanted to hear people speculate and yell at each other, I would just go hang out outside The Deb at my local mall and eavesdrop on all the hot gossip. (At least then I’d be near a Cinnabon.) But one thing I DO have a high tolerance for is bonkers television spinning out of control right in front of my eyes, and on a night that featured the premiere of “Work It,” the wives of Gary Busey and Ted Haggard swapping places, and the most Leno lineup of guests imaginable, CNN took home the blue ribbon in that category in a landslide.

A quick primer: The numbers coming in live from last night’s Iowa Caucus weren’t quite definitive, so CNN tried to contact local Iowa GOP officials to clear it up. What they got were two spunky ladies named Edith Pfeffer and Carolyn Talett. From Mediaite:

Talett explained that she had “received a call at about 12:20 from state central committee asking if I knew how to get a hold of someone from 2-2.” This made her call Pfeffer, who didn’t answer her phone, so Talett “came to Edith’s home and pounded on her door and got her up.” After getting her up, CNN called.

Their phone calls with CNN (yes, calls, with an “S,” implying more than one) were an absolute absurd delight. At one point John King said something about the numbers not being right, and one of the ladies exclaimed “WHADDAYA MEAN THE NUMBERS DON’T MATCH?” like King was her backtalking grandson. This is what we need, America — sleepy old ladies holding the media’s feet to the fire. It’s what the Founding Fathers would have wanted.

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Holy crap, this CNN report about a house infested with bees will make your skin crawl. There are so many bees that the reporter has to wear a beekeeping suit. The bees go so deep inside the house’s walls that the exterminator guesses that the nest has been growing for TEN YEARS. And I think me and Nic Cage speak for everyone when we say, “NOT THE BEES!!!”

THEY'RE IN MY HOUSE! MY HOUSE!!!! RAAARRRGGH!!!!

[BuzzFeed]

Wow. It kinda got serious for a little there, what with back-to-back posts about terrorists and suicide. So please accept this video of Anderson Cooper giggling uncontrollably while making poop and pee jokes about Gerard Depardieu pissing in the aisle of an airplane as a palate cleanser. I love Anderson Cooper so much, you guys. Tread lightly in the comments, or I will come down on you like the Hammer of Thor. The thunder of my vengeance will echo through these corridors like the gusts of A THOUSAND WINDS!

Also on CNN last night, Christine O’Donnell walked out of an interview with Piers Morgan, but neither of them bothered to make a joke about doodoo in the process, so I don’t really see how that’s newsworthy in the least.

via Deadline

Last night’s “Daily Show” picked up on something I’d never noticed before: CNN anchor Don Lemon has zero patience for the banal banter about human-interest stories that he and other anchors are supposed to engage in. Lemon appears to be one of those old-fashioned “journalists” who are interested in “reporting” “news” — and not, say, going along with a stupid story about how Hogwarts would be more expensive to attend than Harvard:

Female reporter: “…more than $43,000 — and that’s only for one year. Tuition is actually the biggest chunk. Just to send your kid off to become a wizard, it’s gonna price you right out of the ballpark, I’d say.

Lemon: Okay. I say it costs zero, because it doesn’t exist.

The whole report (below) is pretty great, and it almost makes me want to watch CNN. Like, if I had any interest in the world beyond finding new pictures of corgis, Don Lemon would be my news person of choice.

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