I think I’m happier NOT knowing what’s being said in this Halls commercial. If a product advertises that it can make my chest crank out cross-species animals, that’s good enough for me.
As you can see above, a new ad campaign is encouraging young people to be cool and fight conformity… by eating Miracle Whip instead of mayonnaise. TO THE EXTREME! Stephen Colbert ably demolished this commercial last month (see video below), and Miracle Whip responded by buying up ad space in every one of Colbert’s commercial breaks last night. They also published this open letter to Colbert (emphasis added):
“With every commercial break, your viewers will be exposed to hardcore Miracle Whip attitude and revelry. You will see our legion of (as you call them) ‘mayo nay-sayers’ snarfing sandwiches topped with our one-of-a-kind flavor in a very cool and totally hip way. They will be in your face and massively dope. It goes without saying, they WILL NOT TONE IT DOWN. And you will begin to see the soft, bland white walls of the mayo empire begin to collapse under the weight of its own whipped-egg pretentiousness.”
Wait a second. That’s a little too intentionally Itchy & Scratchy & Poochy, even for advertising demons. I think Miracle Whip just went and made their whole ad campaign ironic. That’s almost kind of cool, if it weren’t for a freaking condiment. Please, just go back to pandering to fat people.
Anyone who’s had the misfortune of being subjected to live television with commercials over the last two years has certainly seen one of UPS’s whiteboard ads. The ads themselves are memorable and (I suppose) fairly clever, yet I’m enraged by the smug long-haired douchebag they feature. With that in mind, I’d like to show you this gibberish from Ad Week:
UPS has cut to four finalist teams in its $200 million global marketing services review, the client confirmed on Friday… Among the shops that didn’t advance was Interpublic Group’s The Martin Agency in Richmond, Va., the incumbent on creative and media duties in the U.S.
“We value the relationship that we’ve enjoyed with The Martin Agency and are extremely proud of their work in the United States on our behalf,” said Christine Owens, UPS svp, communications and brand management, in a statement. “Our goal is to identify a partner agency to effectively communicate UPS’s strengths on a global basis.”
Translation: “We’re firing the agency that brought the whiteboard douchebag into our lives.” And not a moment too soon. Every time I see that jackass I close my eyes and try to envision a fantasy where I cut off all his hair. And every time I end up using the scissors to stab him in the neck instead. Stabbing repeatedly. Neck, then face. Then I open my eyes and I’ve got a boner. What’s that about?
CRUEL UPDATE: After careful review of the story, I realize that the global arm of UPS’s ad campaign may be different than the American arm. If so, this guy ain’t going anywhere. Damn you Ad Week and your indecipherable corporate lingo!
When Reebok came out with the first ad for its EasyTone shoes that supposedly work your glutes and hamstrings more than other shoes, I was both surprised and pleased at the blatant sex appeal they used to sell their product. However, with two new spots (see below), Reebok has made it clear that it’s not just one sexy ad: it’s a sexy ad campaign. And it’s gonna deliver nothing but great-looking asses and oiled-up legs.
Some people have wondered why Reebok is using ads with sexy women to sell a product to women, but there’s a little model for success that you may have heard of called “Victoria’s Secret.” Seriously, it’s almost Christmas time and I’m thinking about buying EasyTones for any and all female acquaintances. “Hey honey, give these a chance. If they work like they’re supposed to, we should go out.”
Huzzah, cleavage! NBC has released the first pictures of Padma Lakshmi’s guest spot on “30 Rock.” She’ll appear in the November 12th episode. [AceShowbiz]
Hot for teacher: Abigail Spencer, who plays Don Draper’s schoolteacher mistress on “Mad Men,” shared some beauty tips or whatever for some crappy magazine. The important thing is that that magazine had the good judgment to have a photo gallery of her looking pretty. Which she is. [OK!]
In case you missed it: The New York Times did an exhaustive, detailed profile on Jeff Dunham, and the conclusion writ in every sentence is twofold: Jeff Dunham is terrible, and weep for America. [New York Times via Videogum]
Why television makes the world a better place. Exception: “The Jeff Dunham Show.” Still, this is an intriguing read from Charles Kenny. [ForeignPolicy.com]
Wait, Dr. Drew’s actually a doctor? Dr. Drew Pinsky saved a boy’s life on the sidelines of a football game by performing CPR when he went into a coma. [TV Squad]
The commercial that caught everyone’s attention this weekend. If you watched any NFL games on Sunday, you were mesmerized by a certain Reebok commercial (see viedo below). The woman is Jessica Felice, and here are some pictures of her. God bless the Internet. [via @twoeightnine]
You may recall the Weather Channel’s move to show weather-related movies on Friday nights, starting with The Perfect Storm last week. And as you can see from this clip where the network interrupts the film’s climactic scene with a poorly-timed commercial break, the people at the Weather Channel are not yet experts at showing movies. In case you’re unfamiliar with the movie [SPOILER ALERT], this is the part where the brave fishermen go up against the giagntic wave and they all die. And someone thought, “Hey, why not insert some commercials in the middle of the movie’s most important and dramatic scene?” C’mon guys. This isn’t today’s high temperatures in the Midwest.
Side note: you know what channel’s a real dick about showing movies? Spike. They’ll show something awesome like Kill Bill and put almost no commercials in the first hour to suck you in. And they gradually cut to commercial more and more frequently throughout the movie, so the final three scenes take like 45 minutes. Die in a fire, Spike. I’ve got HBO.
[kottke]
