NBC has the Super Bowl this year, and they’re working an odd angle with their commercials. They are encouraging advertisers to release spots in advance of the Super Bowl, under the assumption that they will get more eyes because everyone who is seeing the ads will be watching the Super Bowl anyway. It does help them to justify the $3.5 – $4 million they are charging for a 30-second spot. On the other hand, there’s not a lot of incentive now for people who watch the Super Bowl only for the ads to tune in. Will that help or hurt ratings? Or will it even matter given a match-up that’s ideal for monster ratings this Sunday?

At any rate, a lot of this Sunday’s commercials have already been released to the Internet in the form of full-length commercials or teasers for the commercials (yes, commercials advertising commercials. Welcome to the future). So far, I’m not incredibly impressed with the offerings. The top ad is brilliant, and the next three are pretty great, but after that, they’re kind of “eh,” especially for ad spots that cost millions to put on the air.

However, releasing the ads ahead of time does allow us to jump the gun on ranking them, so instead of dribbling them out in individual posts over the last week to ten days, we’ve compiled and ordered them below. Check ‘em out, and give us your assessment of the Super Bowl ads so far.

15. Godaddy (Body painting with Danica Patrick)

14. H&M (with David Beckham)

13. Cars.com (Talking appendage)

12. Audi (Vampire Party)

11. Career Builder (Teaser with more chimps)

Business Trip | CareerBuilder 2012 Big Game Commercial from CareerBuilder For Employers on Vimeo.

10. Samsung (Anti-Apple Teaser directed by Bobby Farrelly)

9. Firstbank (urges you to go pee)

8. Hyandai (Car performs CPR on boss)

7. Hulu (Teaser starring Will Arnett)

6. Kia (Featuring Motley Crue)

5. Downey (Send up of the classic Mean Joe Greene ad featuring Amy Sedaris)

4. Honda (Ferris Bueller ad)

3. Acura (featuring Jerry Seinfeld and, unfortunately, Jay Leno, who nearly ruins the ad)

2. Volkswagon (Follow up to last year’s “The Force”)

1. Volkswagon (Teaser featuring dogs barking the Imperial March)

Political commercials are terrible. It seems like every one is the same: black and white shots of the candidate’s opponent, ominous music, scary words splashed across the screen in red, and a deep-voiced announcer taking things out of context to make it sound like their opponent wants to do things like use government dollars to pay for a space program run by convicted child molesters. I hate them so very much. That’s why this commercial for Florida Republican Mark Oxner is a breath of fresh air. It is INSANE. In it, President Obama is depicted as a cartoon boat captain who enslaves children and is hell-bent on steering his vessel over a waterfall, and Oxner’s opponent (I assume) is his parrot. LITERALLY. They put his head on a parrot’s body.

I would love to have a campaign full of commercials like this. After the Republicans release this one, the Democrats could make one where the Republicans are cartoon robbers who are giving brown sacks with dollar signs on them to Wall St. fat cats (like, ACTUAL overweight felines). Then the Republicans could shoot back with one where the Democrats tie the Constitution to train tracks and twirl their mustaches as a speeding train approaches, and the Democrats could hire those Taiwanese Animation dudes to make their rebuttal and let things get REALLY weird. That would be great. It wouldn’t change my personal politics one iota, but it would be awesome mindless entertainment between reruns of “The Simpsons,” and I think that’s what really important here.

I’m pretty sure the Founding Fathers would be with me on this.

via Buzzfeed

Last month, GoDaddy.com found itself in hot water after it came out in support of SOPA. The Internet domain registrar ultimately lost thousands of domains before reversing its position (and gaining even more domains than it lost). In an effort to put that SOPA controversy behind them, GoDaddy has leaked their annual Super Bowl ad in the hopes of refocusing the attention where they want it: On scantly clad women who have nothing to do with their service.

The latest features GoDaddy spokesperson Danica Patrick and Jillian Michaels body painting a naked woman and introducing the .co domain. The commercials are trashy and usually irrelevant to their service, but they do work. If asked to name one other domain registrar other than GoDaddy, I doubt 95 out of 100 people could do so. Then again, if asked what GoDaddy.com does, 85 out of 100 people probably think it’s an Internet porn service. If that were the case, they’d need to pick up their game.

(Source: Adweek)

We still don’t know who’s going to be playing in Super Bowl XLVI (go 49ers and Ravens!), but we do know which companies will be running extremely expensive ads ($3.5 million per 30 seconds, as Danger mentioned earlier) during the game. You’ve got your regulars, like Pepsi, Volkswagen, and E*Trade, who are bringing back the Talking Baby of Your Nightmares, but there are some Super Bowl virgins, too, including:

The Super Bowl newbies include two luxury car brands, Acura and Lexus; Century 21, the real estate firm; the Dannon Company division of Groupe Danone; the H&M retail chain, which will advertise a new line of David Beckham Bodywear underwear; and 2nd Story Software, the maker of TaxACT tax-preparation software. (New York Times)

We should know what to expect when it comes to Super Bowl commercials because it’s the same story ever year. We’ll love one, maybe two, of them, and be really pissed off that some company actually paid in excess of three million clams for the rest. There’s only one thing I ask, Super Bowl ad people: NEVER SHOW THESE THREE COMMERCIALS, which have been playing every seven seconds during the playoffs, EVER AGAIN. (Also, if you could replace halftime performer Madonna with a farting hagfish performing the complete works of Crazy Town, that’d be cool, too. It’s basically the same thing, but much more likable.)

Why is Ned’s cranky grandmother wearing a Braylon Edwards’ Browns jersey? Why does Ned get a stiffie from humiliating his jerk Patriots fan friend? Why does Ned’s hottie office mate bring a fish bowl to the Super Bowl? Why does everyone in the extended version look like their having fun the night before the game, when it’s a scientific fact that it’s impossible to have fun in Indianapolis? Why, Morgan Freeman, why?

The way the guy’s voice escalates when he says, “You guys know how to post videos to FACEBOOK?” gets to me every time. It’s like AT&T is bragging that they know what Facebook is. The two main guys in the ad are total douches, too. Which I totally knew before you because…THAT’S SO FOUR SECONDS AGO.

Miller Lite’s “Man Up” commercials make me embarrassed to have a penis. And yet, I still like it more than the Taxes vs. Puppy Breathe Budwesier ad mentioned in yesterday’s Deadspin Jamboroo (I couldn’t find a clip of it online, which is probably for the best.)

This Volkswagen Super Bowl commercial is all over the place today. But, as the Internet’s premiere destination for dog-related television content, I feel it’s very important to post it here anyway. After all, we have an image to maintain.

The spot continues the Star Wars theme from last year, and features a bunch of adorable pooches barking along to the film’s score. It’s pretty much the perfect commercial. The only way it could be improved — and I’m really splitting hairs here — is if they were barking a smooth R&B jam from the 90s instead, and my precious Blue Shirt Guy shimmied his way across the screen at the end. I love that guy. If Volkswagen had included him in this ad, I probably would have just mailed them a check. Not to pay for anything, just as a donation. After all, it’s important to support the arts.

There isn’t much going on in the television world this morning, which is nice because it gives me the opportunity to briefly discuss something near and dear to my heart: this commercial. I’ll be honest, I didn’t know who or what Jackson Hewitt was as recently as two weeks ago. My best guess would have been that it was the name of a linebacker from some small college in the midwest who was rising up draft boards after a strong performance in a bowl game. Then one day, while I was watching a crappy movie or food show (probably), I heard the intro to “This Is How We Do It” by Montell Jordan and was immediately captivated. There’s so much to love: the exuberant dancing and flabby slo-mo arms of the main character (Steve), the awesome high-five at the 0:13 mark, the white lady doing the sprinkler, ALL OF IT. It is 30 seconds of pure joy.

As great as the song selection and Steve’s dancing are, though, neither are the reason this is the best commercial on television. The honor goes to the guy in the blue shirt at the 0:19 mark. He shimmies across the screen making a duck face and pointing at the camera, and, in the process, he steals my heart. I bet I’ve watched his four second chunk of the commercial 50 times over the past couple days. Easy. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable when I say that MTV should reboot “The Grind” with him as the host. He’s a goddamn star.

So kudos to you, Jackson Hewitt. I’m still not exactly sure what it is you do because I’m too delighted by all the dancing to pay attention, but more companies should take your lead and feature people dancing to 90s R&B hits. I’d love to see what Blue Shirt Guy could do with “Motownphilly.”

If you’ve watched any television at all over the past few weeks, there is well over a 100% chance you’ve seen the line of Hyundai commercials featuring this girl. My feelings on these spots have run the gamut, from “At least it’s not those Pomplamoose commercials from last year,” to “Jesus, that’s annoying,” to “Eh, they’re not that bad” to, now “These commercials fascinate me and I must know more about them.” It’s like Stockholm Syndrome, except my captor is a cute lady with a huge guitar. Anyway, here’s what I found out:

The singer in the spot? Jessica Frech. The Nashville-based self-described “singer, songwriter, ukulele-ista, slapstick YouTube video creator, college student (and) coffee house hermit” is enjoying her on-screen spotlight after Hyundai executives became fans of her comical video “People of Walmart.” The clip – which opens with a mock-warning that it features images of “real Walmart shoppers” – has garnered more than 5 million YouTube views since its posting in May.

“I (find) it hysterical that an accidental viral video gave me the opportunity to do a national Hyundai commercial,” Frech muses on her website.

As online commenters inspire Frech each week to write a song on her YouTube series “Song Challenge,” “Hyundai’s marketing team (Innocean) challenged me to write a song about Hyundai Assurance and how they have the best warranty around,” Frech writes. “But, I had to make it with a holiday feel.” [Billboard]

So, there you go. Another case of the Internet making someone a star. I feel a little better now that we got to the bottom of that. Although, as someone who once owned one, the line “All this stress this holiday, I’m glad I bought a Hyundai” will still make my eye twitch every time I hear it. A bottle or two of good bourbon? Sure. A flamethrower? Maybe. A Hyundai? Not so much.

I love laughing at the past. Ha, you thought we were going to have flying (and folding) cars by now. Haha, you thought we’d have sassy robot maids who did not compute that it was time to take out the trash. Hahaha, you thought women couldn’t vote. (Joke’s on us for the first two, I guess?)

That’s why I like these Christmas commercials from the 1950s and 1960s so much. There’s something undeniably wonderful – nay, EGGNOG’y – about watching Santa carry around a carton of cigarettes to hawk to all the good little boys(‘ parents), or listening to a little girl say, “When I grow up, I want to be a mommy” while playing with a Betsy Wetsy doll. Do you have any In a Time Before Kwanzaa-era favorites I left off? Any Xmas toy ads from 1957 prominently featuring the words “lead paint”? Who could have known.

Camel Cigarettes
Best Line: “Oh, cartons of Camels are sure to please/Besides they look so handsome under the Christmas tree.”

Viceroy Cigarettes
Best Line: “Well, Christmas morning was merry and bright/The perfect gift: the taste that’s right.”

Lucky Strike Cigarettes
Best Line: “Friends, here’s a wonderful Christmas gift for anyone who smokes, because it says, ‘Merry Christmas and Happy Smoking!’ 200 times.”

Betsy Wetsy Doll
Best Line: “When I grow up, I want to be a mommy.”

Hoover Vacuum
Best Line: “Give her what she really wants for Christmas: [a fu*king vacuum cleaner].”

Survivor (CBS) — What is wrong with these people? Did they not see last season? When Boston Rob won? Anybody who had a lick of sense would’ve taken the first opportunity to vote off the returning players, Ozzie and Coach. Now, they’ve let Coach — a mentally compromised man — run the show, and Ozzie is in an even better position on Redemption Island.

Psych (USA) — Jason Priestley and Tony (Buster) Hale guest star in tonight’s fall season finale, and apparently, midway through the episode, someone drops a bombshell. Three guesses: Shawn asks Juliet to marry him; Juliet says she’s pregnant; or Gus finally admits he’s in love with Shawn.

I Hate My Teenage Daugther (Fox) — But not as much as I hate this show.

The Soup: If this didn’t satiate your Joel McHale fix, then a new episode of “The Soup” ought to quench it. I’m pretty sure he won’t take his shirt off, though. But he might ride a unicorn while wearing a Rainbow Brite outfit.

Top Chef: I love “Top Chef.” It’s probably my favorite reality show, but this season there’s TOO MUCH Texas. Stop it with the chili and the steaks. If I wanted to watch someone make chili or steak, I’d tell my wife to get in the kitchen. And then she’d either laugh at me or kick my ass, depending on her mood.

The Funniest Commercials of the Year (TBS) — You could sit through 20 minutes of commercials to watch an hour long show about commercials, or you could just read this post, which contains the same commercials without the commercial interruptions.

A much quieter way to promote your product.

Have you ever thought, “Gee, is this Luvs commercial with the three babies on stage competing to see who can take the largest dump much louder than the episode of “Swamp Loggers” I’m watching, or am I just crazy? It sounds as if Tag Team is literally whoomping in my living room!” Well, no, hypothetical sir/madam, you’re not crazy; ads have been played at a higher volume than the program they’re airing during for years. Companies figure the way to compensate for people going to the kitchen during commercial breaks is to have a volume spike, SO WE CAN HEAR ABOUT APPLEBEE’S UNLIMITED RIBLETS SPECIAL from the other room.

But no longer. According to the Los Angeles Times:

Responding to years of complaints that the volume on commercials was much louder than that of the programming that the ads accompany, the FCC on Tuesday passed the Commercial Advertisement Loudness Mitigation Act to make sure that the sound level is the same for commercials and news and entertainment programming. (LA Times)

*Insert generic comment about the U.S. government actually doing something useful.* The act doesn’t go into effect until December 2012 — because stations need to “obtain and activate the technology that will allow them to live within the rules,” which sounds needlessly complicated — so you still have a full year of the torture that is Jennifer Lopez’s extra loud Fiat commercial to look forward to.