As much as I loathe Jay Leno — I think he’s basically the guy the characters in Idiocracy would look at and think, “We’re headed toward an Idiocracy — he’s had a particular hold on both David Letterman and Conan O’Brien. In fact, both of their careers are, to different extents, defined by Jay Leno. Leno weaseled his way onto “The Tonight Show” ahead of the rightful heir, David Letterman, and then he weaseled his way back on after he retired by ousting Conan O’Brien. Both Conan and Dave are clearly bitter about it, although I think Conan a little more: He’s fallen further, and I don’t think Conan can go five minutes without mentioning the ordeal. I think it’s fair to say, however, that both have had a hard time letting it go.

So, it was fitting that last night the two would finally get together — for the first time in 13 years — to commiserate about their shared disdain of Leno. It’s funny: The only time I’m really ever that interested in the late night shows anymore is when they’re talking about this stuff, but it is fascinating to me. Even though I don’t keep up with their shows as much as I once did — I was once religious about watching both “The Late Show” and “Late Night” — I’ll always have a fondness for both Dave and Conan, and here it feels like two greats telling war stories. It’s great TV.

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Conan O’Brien will be a guest on “The Late Show with David Letterman” next Thursday, which will be his first appearance on the show in over 10 years, and also the first time the two former NBC late-night hosts will have spoken publicly since Conan got jobbed out of “The Tonight Show” in 2010 by Chins McGillicutty. Seeing as Letterman got hosed out of the same job by the same guy almost 20 years earlier, I imagine they’ll have plenty to talk about. Conan has tried very hard to take the high road in the past while discussing the events that led to his exit from NBC, but Letterman gleefully takes every opportunity he can to mock Leno, so this certainly seems like must-watch television for anyone who likes either of the two, or just hates Leno’s big dumb face.

Speaking of Conan, Nina Dobrev from “The Vampire Diaries” was a guest on his show last night, and she did some kind of yoga thingy that involved her folding herself up like cannoli and rubbing his swimsuit area with her bare feet, much to the delight of Conan and fellow guest Joel McHale (see left side of the banner pic). I will temporarily put aside my firm belief that feet are disgusting and should be covered up at all times to make this point: Between Alison Brie’s innuendo-heavy balloon animal work last night on “The Tonight Show,” and whatever the hell Nina Dobrev is doing here, being a late-night talk show host looks cool and you should probably quit your job to go become one.

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Last night, Conan O’Brien did his entire show on a miniature version of his set. A miniature desk, a miniature couch, a miniature table, all of it. If you had told me beforehand that this was going to happen, I probably would have thought (a) that it sounded like a neat sight gag, but was too thin a premise to get a whole hour out of, and (b) that you were a witch who could see the future and we should hold a trial immediately and/or burn you alive just to be safe. You can’t be too careful in these situations.

And yet, as I watched the show, I was consistently delighted. In addition to planting a giant, gangly Irishman at a tiny little desk for an hour, they also rolled out my favorite recurring segment on late night television (Puppy Conan), and brought on someone even bigger than Conan (Shaquille O’Neal) to play up the tiny set. It was inventive, and fun, and everything I liked about Conan when he had his gig at 12:30 on NBC. He may not have his good fastball everyday anymore, but when he reaches back to really let one fly, he can still light up the radar guns.

In other news, Jay Leno lost a bet and wore a mustache. Good one, Jay.

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I know it’s hard to believe that the pale 15-year-old redhead in the picture above is Conan O’Brien, but honest, it is. Conan came into possession of the photo, presumably taken during an all-afternoon, unbuttoned-shirt rave (he brought the milk), after a friend of an old high school classmate who was in the audience of his TBS show gave him it. He “premiered” the photo last night, before going on to play a 47-minute version of “Moby Dick.”

Conan looks like Extra #17 from Revenge of the Nerds. What do you think his yearbook quote was? Was he the real-life inspiration behind, “I can’t believe I ate the whole thing,” or did he go with the timeless, “Up yours, Taxachusetts!” He probably didn’t do what I did, which was worry about seeming too “weird” by picking a TV show quote, and go the supposedly safe route: use a Dave Matthews Band lyric. I mean, he’s not a time traveler.

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Back in March 2011, Conan O’Brien won a walk-on role on “How I Met Your Mother” after donating to a charity auction in support of the Ojai Playwrights Conference. Last night, he made his cameo, not as Barney’s red-haired wing man or The Mother, but as a background extra during a scene set in MacLaren’s Pub. According to “How I Met” co-creator Carter Bays:

“When we heard Conan had won the auction, we started going through all these ideas for what he could play. But then we heard back: ‘He just wants to be an extra.’ And we realized this was really the funniest version [of a cameo].” It was also perhaps the most realistic. “In New York, every now and then you’ll see somebody famous at a bar, but nobody really makes a big deal out of it.” (Vulture)

Truth. I once saw Craig Kilborn in a bar, and didn’t make a big deal out of it. In fact, I made such a not big deal out of it that I didn’t even notice it was him until someone pointed him out to me, and even then he had to be described to me as, “Y’know, that guy who isn’t Jon Stewart or Craig Ferguson.” True story. Anyways, be sure to tune into next week’s “Hawaii Five-0″ to see Jay Leno as a beached whale who LOVES vintage cars.

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