This is the cold open to last night’s “Late Late Show,” in which Craig Ferguson announces via hand puppet that he’ll be the host of Discovery Channel’s Shark Week this year. I always like hearing big news from hand puppets; it’s how I learned I wasn’t a virgin any more. Thanks, Uncle Jasper!

(image via)

Last night on “The Late Late Show,” Craig Ferguson finally debuted his robot skeleton sidekick, the result of a back-and-forth on Twitter with robotics expert Grant Imahara of “Mythbusters.”

“After joining ‘the Twitter’ in February, Ferguson nicknamed his followers on the social media platform ‘the Robot Skeleton Army’ and joked on ‘The Late Late Show’ that he needed a skeleton sidekick,” the network said in a news release. “In turn, Imahara, a former animatronics engineer and model maker known for his work on R2D2 and the Energizer Bunny, kicked off a campaign for the construction of a sidekick on March 1 with a tweet that read: ‘I hear you are looking for a robot sidekick. I think I can help… for a price: get me 100,000 followers. If you can.’” [UPI]

Dubbed Geoff Peterson, the robot makes a couple brief appearances in last night’s terrific cold open (see first video below), before getting its first real test drive during the monologue (second video). And it’s an outstanding monologue: most of the jokes are about hobos or deadly robots. Those are two of my favorite things to make fun of, because neither of them are human.

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So, last night was the “Jersey Shore” finale, and although I haven’t watched it yet — hey, Thursday is a crowded night on my DVR — I don’t think anyone can spoil the ending for me. I mean, all the cast members are still alive, right? Then I don’t think there’s going to be the shocking twist I was hoping for (Angelina starved and beaten to death over the course of a week).

But don’t worry, America. Despite the end of the show’s run, we’re destined to suffer from Guido overexposure, not Guido withdrawal:

MTV has put together a “prequel,” “Before the Shore,” from casting videos and interviews with the cast about what their lives were like before becoming reality stars.

Although the cast members are being approached about starring in their own reality shows… they’re still being courted by MTV for a second season of “Jersey Shore.” Possible alternatives for a second season of “Shore” would be to return with a pared down cast, introduce new cast members or to replace the cast entirely, like the “Real World,” where new housemates are introduced each season.

Listen, I love “Jersey Shore” just as much as the next guy who masturbates to car wrecks, but the last thing I want is more of it. I want to delight in its rareness, in its one-hit wonder appeal. I want its memory to live on in the amazing Jersey Shore soundboard, not spoiled by the third season of “Snookin’ for Love” on VH1.

The only way I want more Jersey Shore is if Mila Kunis plays Snooki in the film version:

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Blue Mountain State (Spike) — Series premiere. That tweet above pretty much says it all, but if you’re still not convinced that this show is strictly for only the most pigheaded of juvenile idiots, check out the trailer embedded below. It looks insultingly bad — and I say that as a pigheaded, juvenile idiot.

American Idol (Fox) — Season premiere, with guest judge Victoria Beckham. Yeah that’s right, “Idol.” I gave “Blue Mountain State” top billing over you.

Southland (TNT) — Tonight is the Season 1 pilot, aired commercial-free with scenes that weren’t shown on NBC. I enjoyed this show, back in the golden days before NBC got rid of original programming at 10 o’clock in favor of Jay Leno. It’s not “The Wire” or anything, but it could have been a worthy cop shows in the mold of “Hill Street Blues.”

Better Off Ted (ABC) — This show will have a permanent home in the Warming Glow listings until ABC gives it the respect it deserves. I mean, come on: “dick-infested man mattress.” That’s good stuff.

The Tonight Show (NBC) — This is suddenly must-watch TV. As noted by fellow dick-joke auteur Drew Magary, “If Conan uses the Tonight Show to dare NBC to fire him until they finally do, it will be the awesomest thing on television.” I couldn’t agree more. Tonight’s guest is Tom Brokaw; how soon do you think NBC will start airing “Tonight Show” re-runs?

The Late Late Show (CBS) — I just bring this up because my DVR decided not to record Conan last night and so I ended up watching Ferguson interview Mila Kunis (part 1, part 2), and he really is excellent. I think I enjoy him as an interviewer more than any other late-night host.

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With this cold open to last night’s “Late Late Show,” Craig Ferguson proves once again that he’s the most underrated talent in late-night television. He manages to poke fun of the NBC late-night disaster while still being self-deprecating and respectful to the hosts of NBC’s late-night shows. Well, except Carson Daly. But who’s gonna respect Carson Daly?

The end result is that he takes an ugly situation that a lot of people are taking too seriously and pulls the humor out of it without coming off as mean-spirited. It’s an impressively well-executed bit. He’s easily America’s #1 Scottish talk show host. No one else even comes close.