I'm sorry, we had to burn the puppies.

David Hasselhoff has agreed to be the subject of Comedy Central’s next roast, which will tape this summer and air on August 15th. Jeffrey Ross could do this one in his sleep. From the press release:

“I’m honored that COMEDY CENTRAL is going to get ‘Hoff’ on me,” said David Hasselhoff. “I have always been a major fan of Roasts, dating back to the days of the ‘Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts.’ Laughter is the best medicine. Bring it on! I’m ready to take the heat.”

And by “heat,” of course, he means “Prairie Fires.” Or possibly Flaming Dr. Peppers. Or a bottle of Hot Damn! The point is, he’s ready to be roasted, because he’s not gonna remember it anyway.

Read the rest of this entry »

Sorry, but we had to burn the puppies.

Yesterday in rumor-mongering, Radar Online reported that David Hasselhoff — Germany’s sweetheart, America’s benign tumor — was hospitalized over the weekend for alcohol poisoning when his daughter and ex-wife Pamela Bach checked him in with a .39 blood-alcohol level.  Which, if true, exceeds “German drunk” and blazes straight into Irish territory.  Slainte!

But not so fast.  According to TMZ, this is all an evil plot by Bach to make the Hoff look bad in court.  Although how it could make him look worse than his version of Hooked on a Feeling, I have no idea.

[Hasselhoff] was admitted to the Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles on Saturday night – with reports claiming he was in a serious condition. [...]

But Hasselhoff’s representatives insist the incident was not serious, revealing the star was quickly discharged and spent Sunday night celebrating his father’s birthday. [source]

What’s real?  What’s fake?  Truth?  Fiction?  I don’t know, gentle readers.  In these uncertain times, the only solace we can find is in LIFE Magazine photos from decades past.  Just look at the Hoff in the ’80s!  Hollywood’s Golden Age, that was.  Assuming “Golden” means “bad.”