Anyone tuned into the Internet knows that xkcd is one of the best webcomics around (presented as evidence: someone is wrong on the Internet and the fruit graph), and their most recent effort is another geek-chic stab at a popular meme, Horatio Caine’s one-liners that begin almost every episode of ‘CSI: Miami.”  (YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!)

Sorry I don’t have a joke here; I just like to point out whenever the Internet adds something to the canon of David Caruso’s low-brow brilliance, even if it’s just a mathematics pun.  I guess I don’t have much else to… add.

I think this “CSI: Miami” cartoon is making me addicted to celebrity death.  I joked about it on Saturday, but now it’s starting to get real.  I mean, I don’t actually want people to die-die, but I need more of this cartoon in my life.  And the celebrity deaths have all been so good that it’s hard not to enjoy the nostalgia of remembering their careers.  Plus, David Carradine went out in such awesome style that there HAD to be a CSI cartoon of it.

The trend I’m afraid of is that the deaths are getting younger.  Carradine and Ed McMahon were both crazy old, Farrah Fawcett was in her 60s, and Michael Jackson and Billy Mays were 50.  Who’s next?  The easy money’s on Lohan, but I like Mark-Paul Gosselaar as a longshot.  No offense, Mark-Paul.  Just a gut feeling.

I honestly believe that variations of this Horatio Caine comic are enough to heal any suffering in America.  Look how fast we got over David Carradine.  Just imagine if “CSI: Miami” had been on the air in 2001.  We totally could have laughed off 9/11.  Or maybe not.  The point is, David Caruso’s hilarious overacting + The Who = me smiling, no matter what.

After the jump, in our continued tribute to Michael Jackson, is the extended video for “Smooth Criminal.”  Pay close attention at the 5:45 mark — as commenter Zack pointed out, Jacko was so ahead of his time that he had cats playing the piano over twenty years before Keyboard Cat made it cool.

Read the rest of this entry »

(click here for full effect)

As you’ve no doubt seen by now, the most recent reports about the death of David Carradine indicate that the actor was discovered naked and with a chord around his neck, suggesting that the initial report of “natural causes” meant “natural causes in Thailand.”

Thai police told the BBC the 72-year-old was found naked by a hotel maid in a wardrobe with a cord around his neck and other parts of his body. [...]

Thai newspaper The Nation reported that police believe the actor took his own life, and preliminary investigations found that he hanged himself. [BBC]

I’d like to make it clear that the rumors about the rope around his genitals don’t have a legitimate source; I would guess that it’s inflated speculation about the phrase “…and other parts of his body” in the BBC report.  Seems pretty insensitive, considering that a well-loved performer died.  But on the other hand, I laughed at this “CSI: Miami” cartoon, so I’m not really in a position to wag my finger at anyone.

(image via @loljocks_grimey)

He also has puns ready for bird flu, feline AIDS, and “salmon”-ella: This cartoon is slightly more realistic than most David Caruso performances (click for full size). [The Daily What]

Don Pardo?  Pass. The credits for a dream of a cast of  “Saturday Night Live.”  Takes a little while to get going, but there are some laughs at the end. [College Humor]

Robots are dangerous, melancholy: A Swedish factory is fined a mere $3000 after one of its robots attacked and injured one of its workers. [Blog of Hilarity]  …but it’s so hard to hate robots when they’re sad! [Videogum]

Shoulda been you, Speidi: Two people were killed when a reality show studio collapsed in Georgia.  Stalin Georgia, not Jimmy Carter Georgia. [Mosnews]

Ugh: Jay Leno’s new 10:00 show is NBC’s “the single most important marketing priority of the year,” ahead of Conan O’Brien.  Dicks. [Broadcasting & Cable]

WHORE PIT VIPER! I don’t watch “The Celebrity Apprentice,” but apparently Melissa Rivers coined a new insult, and she’s not sorry.  So is it a pit viper that’s a whore, or a viper that’s in my whore pit?  I’m confused. [NY Post]