As I noted last week, Bear Grylls and Jake Gyllenhaal shared an Icelandic snow cave while filming the season premiere of “Man Vs. Wild,” and now we have a promo video for the episode, which promises to answer the question “Does nature have the balls to take on to two men THIS HANDSOME?”

Anyway, the episode looks good, and Gyllenhaal seems game for some crazy stuff (by which I mean dangerous outdoor activities, not kinky sex acts). But since we’re going to go straight for the gay innuendo anyway, I should probably share the money quote:

Bear: It takes balls, I’m not joking.
Jake: Well, they’re right up in my throat right now.

Yep. That’s Jake Gyllenhaal talking about testicles in his throat. To a man named Bear. For the Discovery Channel. I’m just gonna clock out and call it a day.

[PopWrap]

Capitalizing on America’s love affair with the black-ops execution of terrorists, Discovery has ordered a documentary about DevGru, better known as SEAL Team Six, the unit responsible for the daring raid that killed Osama bin Laden.

In Secrets of SEAL Team Six, the network will introduce viewers to the team’s founder Dick Marcinko and former members as it explores the team’s history, training, weapons and technology. “[It’s] a group that will kick ass and save you,” Marcinko says.

Though the top-secret identities of the team members who participated in the Pakistan mission are, of course, not identified, the show will go behind closed doors to reveal new details of this unit — including talking to the wives of team members (Can we request a Real Housewives of SEAL Team Six spinoff?). [EW]

Even better than “The Real Housewives of SEAL Team Six” would be “The Real Housewives Executed by SEAL Team Six.” Compelling television AND an excellent use of our tax dollars.

On the set of Cronenberg's "African Promises"

If you’ve never seen the BBC/Discovery specials “Planet Earth” or “Life” (the British versions with David Attenborough narrating, not the crappy Oprah one), then you’re missing the apex of smoking weed and watching HD television. However, there’s good news if you’re late to the party: a third installation called “Human Planet” will debut April 10 on Discovery.

Four years in the making, HUMAN PLANET tells the story of the complex, profound and sometimes challenging relationship between humankind and nature. The series was filmed in high definition in more than 70 locations to capture the most diverse and in some cases, never-before-seen stories of human endeavor. From the frozen Arctic to steamy rainforests, and from tiny islands in vast oceans to parched deserts, people have found remarkable ways to adapt and survive in the harshest environments possible. [press release via THR]

I have to admit, I was skeptical about the subject matter — I’d rather watch whales and frogs and sharks than people — but I changed my mind after I watched the trailer (video below). Holy crap, there are dudes in animal furs with hawks clinging to their arms while they ride horses! I mean the people are riding the horses, not the hawks. But that would be pretty awesome, too.

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“Man vs. Wild” returns next week, and would you look at that? Awww, Bear Grylls found a cute little seal to play with. Wait, why isn’t the seal moving? The seal’s just sleeping, right? What’s Bear doing with that knife? Oh God NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

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James Lee, the extreme environmentalist who took hostages at the Discovery Networks headquarters before being shot to death yesterday, had previously pitched a reality show to Discovery that the cable channel rejected. Titled “Race to Save the Earth,” the show would be a competition in which — and I quote — “contestants would come from all over to compete with each other and come up with ideas to save the planet.” That’s as specific as he got with the premise. He didn’t list any kind of challenges or action of any sort.

In 2008, following his protest outside Discovery, Lee even enlisted the help of others to make his reality show a reality, offering “about $200,000 worth of commercial real estate property in Hawaii plus $10,000 in cash for the best TV show idea to save the planet.” His guidelines:

“The title of your TV show should be very catchy … Think of titles like ‘American Idol,’ ‘The Apprentice,’ and other shows that are obviously good and memorable because of their catchy, well-thought out, titles. Then think of the titles that are obviously bad and try to avoid making your show title sound like those,” Lee wrote. [MSNBC]

Man, he had a real gift for teaching, didn’t he? “It should be good like other good titles, and not bad like bad titles.” “Think of some bad titles, and then throw those out.” You know, I’m not sure if anyone has said this about the lunatic who took hostages in an attempt to implement unrealistic changes to a cable network, but I’m beginning to think he might not have been the smartest guy.