Discovery Channel gunman James Lee stormed into our TV-loving lives yesterday, then went out just as quickly in a hail of deadly gunfire. But he left us a particularly timeless environmentalist manifesto, which reached its apex with this quote:

Saving the environment and the remaning species diversity of the planet is now your mindset. Nothing is more important than saving them. The Lions, Tigers, Giraffes, Elephants, Froggies, Turtles, Apes, Raccoons, Beetles, Ants, Sharks, Bears, and, of course, the Squirrels.

Of course, the squirrels. We mustn’t forget them. The cuddly Froggies may grab headlines, but we must particularly cherish the squirrels. Of course.

With the spirit of James Lee guiding my blog, I took the best quotes from his manifesto and slapped them on the most appropriate pictures of squirrels I could find. Of course the squirrels. What else did you expect?

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Of course, the Squirrels mourned.

James Jay Lee, the militant environmentalist who took hostages at Discovery Networks headquarters in Silver Spring, Maryland today, was shot and killed by police today just before 5 p.m. According to Breaking News:

Update on #Discovery: Sources tell NBC’s Pete Williams the suspected gunman is dead.

Not exactly the most detailed update, but I don’t think lone whack jobs have a high rate of survival against SWAT teams. Lee’s three hostages are all safe and out of the building.

Well, that was a wild and crazy afternoon, huh? I’m glad this ended more or less happily, otherwise I would have felt pretty bad about all those jokes I made when reading Lee’s manifesto. Rest in peace, James Lee. You were a criminal madman, but I will always respect your hatred of TLC’s baby-crazy programming. You will live on in my memory and these squirrel Photoshops I’m working on.

Here’s amateur footage of the 2008 protest where Discovery hostage-taker James Lee threw money into a crowd, a stunt for which he was soon arrested and later sentenced to probation.

You know, Lee’s getting some really bad press just because he’s threatening to shoot people and/or blow them up. But someone should play devil’s advocate here. He hands out free money. He cares about the environment. He dislikes all the same TLC shows I do. Hell, most of the people at Discovery got the day off because of him. And the handful of hostages who didn’t will probably get the rest of the week off. Assuming they aren’t, you know, killed by the anti-procreation madman blaming cable TV networks for the decline of the planet. I’m not defending him, I’m just sayin’: no one’s ever handed me free money before.

[via The Daily What]

UPDATE, 5:05 p.m.: A police spokesman has confirmed that police have shot James Lee. His condition is unknown.

While the hostage scenario at Discovery Networks headquarters is still ongoing, more details are beginning to emerge about the gunman and his demands. James Lee (inset) was arrested, fined, and sentenced to probation in 2008 for throwing money into a crowd during a protest outside Discovery HQ. He’s in his early 40s and a native of San Diego who now lives in Silver Spring.

I’m watching cable news, and police have just given a statement confirming a small number of hostages and their ongoing effort to negotiate a peaceful settlement with Lee. Until we get more developments, let’s sift through Lee’s demands. His crazy, crazy demands. The short version: he hates “filthy human children,” “parasitic human infants,” war, civilization, and immigration. Likes: forest animals. Buckle up for a long, crazy ride:

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Grim news out of Silver Spring, Maryland: an armed man has taken at least one hostage at Discovery Networks Headquarters (pictured here in sharkier days). According to police, a caller from the building reported a man with a gun and possible explosives, leading to an evacuation of the building. CNN has more on the developing story:

Authorities sent a SWAT team and other resources, said Cpl. Dan Friz of the Montgomery County police. He is in the lobby area, Friz said. Authorities were trying to get in touch with him.

It appears the man has some kind of explosive device, Friz said. Fire marshals with explosives experience were assisting.

A witness, Lisa Lucas, told CNN affiliate WJLA that she and others outside of the building heard at least one gunshot from One Discovery Place. Friz said that to the best of his knowledge no shots had been fired by police.

A daycare inside One Discovery Place was successfully evacuated, and the children were moved to a McDonald’s, authorities said.

A McDonald’s?!? No! That’s terrible for children’s health!

In all seriousness, I hope that no one gets hurt during this terrible scenario. And if someone does get hurt, may it be the people responsible for TLC’s programming.