How ‘Entourage’ Should Have Ended

09.13.11 Written by Matt

In case you missed the “Entourage” series finale, congratulations. The resolution is the same as it was every week: everything worked out great for everyone. (And in case you’re wondering what song played over the final scene, HBO went deep into its pockets to shell out for Led Zeppelin’s “Going to California.”) Here’s how the AV Club summed it up:

  • E is back with Sloan.
  • Ari is back with his wife about whom I never cared enough to learn her name.
  • Vince is with some beautiful and intelligent and SANE woman with a British accent OR SOME ACCENT I DON’T KNOW HOW TO TELL WHAT ACCENTS ARE.
  • Drama likes da pusssaaaaaayyy.
  • Turtle.
  • Lloyd is still working as an agent at the company Ari just quit and gave over to Babs via yelling.
  • Billy Walsh appeared long enough for me to be like, “Remember the fake penis?”
  • Everyone lied to everyone else, and somehow, this qualifies as resolution.

What this scene from Joe Mande presupposes is, “What if these horrible, selfish, two-dimensional characters died in a plane wreck?” I watched this video knowing full well what would happen, but I happily laughed all the same because — for just the briefest of moments — I imagined a world where we wouldn’t have to deal with the inevitable “Entourage” movie. It was beautiful.

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The Ten Douchiest Moments in ‘Entourage’ History

07.20.11 Written by Josh

Should Be Looked at: Sloan. Can't Stop Staring at: Turtle's sweater vest.

Google “entourage douchebag” and a link from Warming Glow appears third on the search list. That is unacceptable: this should be the foremost website for pointing out the douchebaggery on TV’s douchiest show, “Entourage,” which premieres for its eighth and final season this Sunday on HBO.

With that in mind, and with the wonderful thought of the show finally being off the air after seven years and approximately five clever jokes, here are the 10 biggest douchebag moments from “Entourage.”

Read the rest of this entry »

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New Entourage Poster All Introspective And Sh*t

06.23.11 Written by Matt

The miniature humans who comprise the cast of “Entourage” gathered on a mountainous overlook of Los Angeles for the new poster promoting the show’s eighth and final season. As you can see, each “Entourage” star is barely taller than a golden retriever (and about as likely to put his face in a woman’s crotch without first asking permission). I heard that this is the show’s last season because the budget for shoe lifts and stepping stools has spiraled out of control.

[EW]

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Of Course Fieri’s New Car Is a Camaro

04.08.11 Written by Matt

Food Network chef Guy Fieri has replaced his stolen Lamborghini with a car much more fitting for a man with bleached hair and a four-foot pepper grinder: a brand new Chevy Camaro. Try and guess if Fieri called it a “bitchin’ Camaro.”

Bitchin’ Camaro…thanks to my bruthas at Chevy! First yellow conv off tha line! [@ChefGuyFieri]

Oh, Guy. You never disappoint. Well, you never disappoint me, that is. I’m sure the women who’ve seen you naked would disagree.

Maybe if we all chipped in and bought him Mark Wahlberg’s prosthetic dong extension from Boogie Nights, Guy Fieri could settle down and buy a simple luxury sedan. Although at this point I’d settle for him having a goatee that didn’t have a bleached soul patch.

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Guy Fieri Is Overcompensating.

04.05.11 Written by Matt

Guy Fieri has an awesome collection of totems representing a tiny penis, among them a $200,000 Lamborghini and a monstrous diesel truck. And now here he is with a gigantic pepper grinder. “GRRRRR YOU WANT SOME BLACK PEPPER SALAD ON YOUR SALAD BABY?” “Oh yeah, Guy, I wanna eat it all!” Ugh.

How big do you think it is? I’m setting the over-under at a pen cap.

[@ChefGuyFieri]

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